tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4079681358332005341.post4286847356469447207..comments2023-03-22T08:50:03.413-04:00Comments on Diary of a Scapegoat: Feeling pissed off and down today...DisturbedAngelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18225187766715006090noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4079681358332005341.post-62155084382089004652011-09-01T11:18:20.485-04:002011-09-01T11:18:20.485-04:00@ GrownUpAlice - My MIL certain has her N moments ...@ GrownUpAlice - My MIL certain has her N moments but I've seen too many instances of her being kind and going out of her way to help others (and getting zip in return) to believe she's full N. More like she has a few N tendencies. I get along with her for the most part but there are just certain things, like this zoo thing, that chap my behind. I think about the only thing I can do to combat it is to set firm boundaries and be better about standing up for myself and enforcing those boundaries. It's VERY easy for me to fall back into old doormat behaviors and allow others to push me around.<br /><br />Interestingly enough, when it comes to other people - particularly her two sons and FIL - MIL is a total doormat. She lets FIL in particular boss her around and treat her like crap. I've felt for a long time that MIL senses the weakness in me (my unwillingness to stand up for myself) and exploits it as a way of taking back a little of her power that she's allowed to be stolen from her. It's not right by any stretch of the imagination but I think I understand where it comes from.DisturbedAngelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18225187766715006090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4079681358332005341.post-32812184993520309932011-09-01T11:03:50.586-04:002011-09-01T11:03:50.586-04:00If I am wrong about MIL, and this is a normal gm r...If I am wrong about MIL, and this is a normal gm relationship issue....then you just need to set boundaries and be firm with them. Something as Daughters of Narcissists, we have trouble with doing...as we were never allowed to have them.<br /><br />Just read these comments for yourself. They were intended as notes to you :-)GrownUpAlicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09111173509240771788noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4079681358332005341.post-33452245439197428112011-09-01T10:59:32.407-04:002011-09-01T10:59:32.407-04:00Hey there DA,
I really think going with your feel...Hey there DA,<br /><br />I really think going with your feelings is important. The behavior you described at church my NMonster did to me at a family reunion..and anywhere she could. Except with NM giving me the same reason your MIL's son is trained to give (I'll get to that in a moment). She would try to take over events (Birthdays, Christmas, Easter, etc.) for my baby. To protect my dd, I simply wouldn't do it. <br /><br />Honestly, I haven't read a lot of your blog (yet), but my MIL is nothing like this. She is NORMAL. She would never take away an event from me. She would never be pushy about places. She asks me before she does things for the kids. <br /><br /> My point is, your MIL sounds like a NM. Perhaps MIL is NMIL instead. At least that is what I read here. Pushing, Manipulating, taking control, lack of respect for your feelings....and etc. It also sounds like dh is unaware/denial about her as well. He should be supporting you...he made his vow to you. Not his mother. (You probably know this already...admittedly, I didn't read enough here to know).<br /><br />Normal people do not do the above. She should be respecting your boundaries, I am not hearing any respect here. <br /><br />If it were me, I would go to the zoo that YOU chose. You did it to put yourself in a safe zone for you. I would invite her to join the family (if you want) and if she says she would rather go to the other, I would tell her to have a nice time. No excuses. You don't owe it to anyone. If she gives you a hard time, just tell her what N's love to say "I am sorry YOU feel that way." <br /><br />You are stronger now than you have ever been. You deserve your life with your family. You lost so much through your own childhood with an NM. You deserve the rewards of this part of your life. Insist on it. MIL had her time to take her ds to the zoo....this is your time. You get to choose! YOU deserve it!GrownUpAlicehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09111173509240771788noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4079681358332005341.post-38897785770440472752011-08-30T17:02:33.537-04:002011-08-30T17:02:33.537-04:00i think whatever you feel is legitimate. paranoia ...i think whatever you feel is legitimate. paranoia is extremely over-exaggerated. who cares if someone calls you paranoid, you feel it!<br /><br />i dunno about this one. your mil sounds annoying with the zoo pushiness (i mean, why the fuck does it matter to her?) and you should be there on his first time. i don't know if she's mentioning those places because she wants ds to herself, maybe she's just being insensitive to your emotions and maybe she wants to push you a little.<br /><br />i have a book recommendation for anxiety. it's called 'things might go terribly horribly wrong.' i think cutting your mom out of your life will also help.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4079681358332005341.post-50083832648603317522011-08-30T16:22:33.842-04:002011-08-30T16:22:33.842-04:00I spoke with MIL earlier on the phone. She had cal...I spoke with MIL earlier on the phone. She had called to see if ds wanted to come over for the day. While I was on the phone with her, I mentioned the smaller local zoo I had found online and MIL responded by mentioning ANOTHER zoo, this one slightly larger than the one I'd found and quite a bit farther drive - one hour as opposed to 20/30 minutes. Honestly, maybe it's just me but it's like she always has to be in control on stuff like this, like heaven forbid *I*, the child's MOTHER, get to have the say on where we'll go. It also didn't escape my attention that she's always mentioning places well outside my 'safe zone', as if she's hoping to use my issues against me to exclude me so that she can have dh and ds all to herself.<br /><br />As I read this I realize I sound like a paranoid, delusional woman but, honestly, THAT'S HOW IT FEELS!<br /><br />Yet one more thing I hate about being a DoNM - is it ingrained paranoia or is there something to be legitimately suspicious and wary about?DisturbedAngelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18225187766715006090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4079681358332005341.post-8557394664737892272011-08-30T15:43:22.134-04:002011-08-30T15:43:22.134-04:00I don't want to give things away that are too ...I don't want to give things away that are too personal (There were a couple things I wanted to say, but in case anyone ever finds my blog, I don't want them to see certain personal things). But I will say that I can relate to this post A LOT. Thanks for sharing.Jonsihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17517677634712242866noreply@blogger.com