tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4079681358332005341.post5918758032162952560..comments2023-03-22T08:50:03.413-04:00Comments on Diary of a Scapegoat: ARRRGGGHHH!! I'm freaking SURROUNDED by N's!!DisturbedAngelhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18225187766715006090noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4079681358332005341.post-14293670754576929122012-05-22T10:37:08.884-04:002012-05-22T10:37:08.884-04:00My brother is 6 years older than me. He's Almo...My brother is 6 years older than me. He's Almost 22 and I'm 16. When he was younger he absolutely adored having a baby sister and wanted to do everything for me and yelp me out all the time (I've always been really independent so once I got about 7 or 8 it got real annoying) then when he got about 15 we started fighting because I was the 'annoying little sister that followed him and his friends around' (and it was known by then that it was okay to be mean to me because I was the scapegoat). Now me and my brother are very close. Once he got away from our NM he learned that the way our family acted was wrong (although he doesn't know about Narcissism) and he yells at my mother for being mean to me. He has a daughter now that just turned 1 that he would do anything for and when him and his wife had her he realized how messed up our family relationships had been when we were growing up. <br /><br />Although you have a NM so you won't gave a Completely 'normal' family, your intermediate family will be normal. I think if me and my bro managed to pull through with all the craziness that was our family, I think it would be fine fir you to have another child even though they will be 6 years apartelaine8https://www.blogger.com/profile/07212781819714102558noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4079681358332005341.post-81183162256203617582011-12-21T18:24:59.325-05:002011-12-21T18:24:59.325-05:00I have 3 children. The first two (daughters) are ...I have 3 children. The first two (daughters) are 6 years apart. They are the best of friends. The love you will feel for any future children will help you surmount any and all obstacles. I had my third c-section at age 35 with a 9 year old and a three year old. Yes, it was a little harder at age 35 than at 25, but I never gave it a thought . You do what you have to and, it's cliche, but love does conquer all. Pity the poor narcissists who won't ever experience real, unconditional love. Their advice is worth nothing.artsyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01784978981308034576noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4079681358332005341.post-42874143453658095372011-12-08T02:39:25.157-05:002011-12-08T02:39:25.157-05:00Well I am a mother of 6 and wouldn't tell anyo...Well I am a mother of 6 and wouldn't tell anyone how many kids to have. So many variables and you never know. You could be doing well and then lose your job. We had a good job with one pregnancy and moved in the middle. I like what you said about making choices. You are choosing. Side note: My sister and I are 5 years a part and she is my dearest friend. Life can be unpredictable. Take care. <br />Sending cyber hugs, <br />RuthRuthhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07083142637240943607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4079681358332005341.post-67280999962500851382011-12-08T00:46:45.365-05:002011-12-08T00:46:45.365-05:00After the difficult birth of our first son, dh and...After the difficult birth of our first son, dh and I decided that he would be an only child. We also changed our minds when ds was nearly 6 years old and conceived our second family addition shortly thereafter. <br /><br />We involved ds in all of the excitement about the new pregnancy. He was the first one we told, he helped us choose a name for his soon-to-be sibling, ds helped dh build a cradle for the new little one and, because he was very excited about a sibling and very much wanting to be involved, we allowed him to be in the room when his baby brother was born. <br /><br />DS watched the birth (does not remember anything gross from it, only happiness) and his voice cheering me on was the only thing I heard as I pushed his baby brother out into the world. DS1 was given the privilege of announcing the baby's name to our friends and family and he also cut his brothers umbilical cord. His close involvement in the birth of his brother solidified an extremely close sibling bond even though there is a 6.5 year age difference between the two of them. <br /><br />Now my kids are almost 18 years old and 11 years old respectively and they are, quite literally, the very best of friends. It is like no sibling relationship I have ever observed. They love each other dearly and we have honestly NEVER had to deal with arguments or fights or rivalry BECAUSE of the age difference. Now, knowing what I know, I believe a 6 year difference between first and second children is, quite possibly, the very best age difference of all. Don't let anyone tell you any different, especially someone who has no personal experience to back it up.<br /><br />Dh and I have no regrets, not a one. Our two boys are wonderful, unique, funny, amazing, generous, lovely human beings. Worth every second and cherished every single moment.<br /><br />Economy? Well, we thought we had that covered. Life throws curveballs and if you waited for a perfect time there would never be one. One month after our second was born, my husband contracted a rare lung disease and has never been able to work since. He not only lost his livelihood but all hope of a return to physical health literally overnight at the very young age of 30. We have raised our children while creatively surviving on doctor ordered government disability. There is poverty, 50 feet of crap, and then what we get paid each month. <br /><br />We have nothing materially and it turns out that our children do not care about that at all. We have love in abundance and that is all that truly matters to kids. We've chosen to spend our time at home schooling our children ourselves and they bring us too much joy to measure every single day. They are amazing members of society and both of them volunteer many hours in the community helping others. In fact, our oldest has chosen volunteer service as his career and has been at it for 3 years already.<br /><br />Again, no regrets, not a single one ever. We love our lives and this time we get to share with our sons is particularly sweet. I cannot even make my mind imagine how empty our lives would have been if we had listened to the naysayers who chastised us for our pregnancies (NM, NF, NMIL, NSIS) and called us irresponsible.<br /><br />Just my two cents.<br /><br />:)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4079681358332005341.post-32136418478922895762011-12-07T16:08:00.418-05:002011-12-07T16:08:00.418-05:00@ Katie - Just wanted to clarify that my dh hasn&#...@ Katie - Just wanted to clarify that my dh hasn't said anything to his dad yet. I was just saying that I know how my FIL will react/what he will say if dh follows through and mentions the situation to him. That being said, I AM also upset with my dh and wish he'd stop going to his parents - mostly his dad - all the time for "advice". It invites them into our business and they are bad enough with overstepping the boundaries WITHOUT an invitation. Both parties - dh and his P's - are at fault here. I'm planning to speak with dh tonight and try to talk him out of saying anything to FIL but I doubt it will do much good.DisturbedAngelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18225187766715006090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4079681358332005341.post-9866855967684444082011-12-07T14:29:46.951-05:002011-12-07T14:29:46.951-05:00Ummm...why aren't you pissed off at your dh......Ummm...why aren't you pissed off at your dh...he invited their opinion...it sounds like you're mad at the wrong person...the FIL sounds like he gave his opinion (which was asked for) and your dh was doing what your MIL was doing by sharing what SOMEONE ELSE was thinking and agreeing with them (as to avoid personal responsibility for his own thoughts/words/actions)...<br /><br />This sounds messed up to me...but, that the focus is on your IL's being the only "wrong" people here...and you dh could have kept his conversation with his parents to himself and just told you that they were full of shit and he shouldn't have gone to them for permission, but instead he used it as an opportunity to manipulate you...<br /><br />Have you brought this up over at the DoNM board yet? I wonder if any of the other ladies will mention your dh's part in all of this...Katiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01988417731898854709noreply@blogger.com