Well, the momster broke NC again...

Got a card in the mail today addressed to ds from the momster. It was a Halloween card. The handwritten note on the inside reads: "(DS' name), Hey BigShot! Hope you have a super-duper Halloween! Love Grandma XX".

Seriously??! Not so much as a single solitary WORD from her since freaking APRIL and now a stupid Halloween card?! I tell you, it makes me SICK to my stomach. I SO want to write her (I won't) and say, "Who the f**k do you think you are kidding lady? The rest of the FOO might be stupid enough to buy the bullshit you're peddling but we are not! If you cared so freaking much, it wouldn't be more important to you to be RIGHT and get your way rather than getting to know your precious grandson and having a relationship with him. So take your fake sentimental shit and SHOVE it, fake ass bitch!"

CLEARLY this was done purely to impress the rest of N FOO as she's currently up in that state and has their captive audience. That said, I don't know which is worse - NM's act of pretending to care or the N FOO for being stupid enough to believe her crap.

So much for my hopes of an NM-free holiday season.

Some more correspondence from my aunt N...ya'll are going to love this!

Got this email from my aunt N today in response to another email I sent her a couple days ago. It reads:

Here's my take on what happened in your mom's sorry life. When she was married to (EF's name), he always came first, and she really bowed to his will and did whatever he wanted. Then they had you, and things got worse-he was adamant that she do things for you in a certain manner, etc, and she was a very nervous mom because of it. Well, the divorce happened, and she was alone with a baby to care for in NGM's house. She was devastated as anyone would be, and you became the center of her life. You became her reason for living, so to speak, and she eventually started dating, and due to her poor self esteem, she married NSJ. (He got lucky, and NM sold herself short) So, a few years later, NHS came along, and NSJ became a bigger asshole. You became a "problem" because not only did EF make their lives miserable, but they also had lawyer bills, etc, and that ALL got blamed on you. (like you had anything to do with it) So forward a few years, and you're a teen. You've been treated like crap all those years, and it's time to rebel. You did so, NSJ matured into a full blown alcoholic and abuser, and NM learned how to stick her head in the sand and avoid any unpleasantness. Once again, anything that happened, was laid at your feet because, after all, it all happened because you were born. (like you had anything to do with that either)

I honestly think that if I confronted NM today about NSJ, she would deny and elaborate and/or lessen what happened. She doesn't remember unpleasantness at all -- in fact she probably thinks you had it pretty good considering how horrible their lives were because of EF. (her version-I'm not necessarily agreeing here) What she does remember is how horrible you were--this has been retold over and over again--every time I take your side in things, I would get emails about how I need to be "very careful" because you were a liar, you stole things, and you had mental issues. I cannot even begin to tell you how many times we've gone over these things--you are a liar--yes, every single person lies--especially when they're young, but that was then, and this is now. You stole--yes, you might have years ago, but that was then and this is now. You have mental issues....well, haven't you gone to the doctor for years because of this? What have they done to help themselves???? I've told NM numerous times that I make my own decisions about people based on my gut feelings, my experiences with them, and the way they handle themselves when I confront them with things. I'm proud to say that you've grown in leaps and bounds in that respect, but sadly, NM catches herself in her own webs of denial and elaborations. She lives in her own world that she's made up in her own mind in order to deal with the mess her life is in. She knows that NSJ is an abuser, but has lied to herself for so long that she believes in her own lies. I won't even touch on NHS-that would take another page. NHS is angry with you and she vents that anger by defending NSJ as being a wonderful example of a father. She too, has talked herself into believing this because she is so used to avoiding the real truth, she doesn't know how to actually deal with the cold hard truth.

Krissy, you were not dealt a fair deal. You'll never be able to resolve or rationalize what happened because what happened should NOT have happened. There really is just no way to make it right. You've dealt with it in a mature manner and you've come out the other side of this a much different person. You are now a mom, determined to NOT make the same mistakes that were made with you as you were growing up. Your husband understands you and supports you. You have a good relationship with your ILs, and our relationship is growing. I know you want more--it's only natural and fair to expect the love of a parent. I know without a doubt that NM loves you, but not in a normal way. NM is very flawed, and I really doubt that that will ever change. Until NM admits that she has issues, and seeks out help for her problems, it's just not going to change. Sadly, she thinks everyone else has problems, but not herself. To be truthful, NM is not happy--she is still up in Cleveland, but even when we're all together, she doesn't act very happy. She lacks what it needs to make a change, and in all fairness, because she's chosen to stay with NSJ, things just won't change. He IS a large part of the problem, but it's not all his fault either. She needed to be strong enough to stand up for what she felt was right, etc. If she's not happy, she needs to figure out why, and pursue her own happiness. Each of us is responsible for our OWN happiness. No one person can make another person happy-long term. Yes, we can do things for each other to make someone's day, etc, but in order to be truly happy, it starts deep down within each of us. We need to feel fulfilled and satisfied in order to be happy. NM has poor relationships with both of you girls, and it makes her uneasy and unhappy. Once again, it all starts with being 100% truthful with each other, and she just doesn't have the ability to do that.

Have a wonderful day!!!!! I know that you'd like for things to be different, but we all have to look at the wonderful things that ARE in our lives and rejoice in them. When I moved here, I was so depressed bc my kids weren't here, and I'm finally getting to the point where I'm happy despite that. I've moved on in my life now, and I'm growing and enjoying this stage of my life. Now when grandbabies come, it'll be a different story--I'll be on the road a lot more I think. 

Love you,

N

I kept re-reading this when I first got it because I felt like it should upset me but it didn't. I mean, I find it rather irritating but that's it. At least in this one instance, gone is the hurt that would usually come upon reading/hearing something like this. I'm guessing this is a good thing? LOL

That being said, it IS irritating, mostly because it's all a bunch of CRAP. I'm a liar? As my aunt N said, we ALL lie at some point in our lives and I am certainly no different. But lying above and beyond the norm and deserving of the label of "liar"? NO. If anything, the majority of my lies were told so as not to upset NM anymore than I absolutely had to rather than tell her how I really felt about her and the rest of N FOO's crap.

And stealing? I think I stole a couple of cheap pieces of crap from a dime store once or twice, but N FOO wouldn't know about any of that because I was with friends the couple of times it happened. Not that it's right but I was young and stupid and, as I said, it was items that you'd find in the dime bin at the dollar store. NHS was always claiming I "stole" stuff from her father, NSJ. She claims I'd sneak over there when NM and NSJ were out of town and steal stuff. Whatever. There WERE times I took stuff but I'd either asked NM in advance or it was stuff I knew NM didn't want anymore and, even then, I immediately told her about it just in case and every time NM said it was no problem and I could have the item.

I suppose they have at least a bit of ground to stand on with regard to the mental issues thing but, a) like THEY don't all have their own (much more severe) issues themselves and b) perhaps I wouldn't HAVE so many "mental issues" had I not been forced to grow up in an abusive, chaotic household where I was criticized and demeaned relentlessly and always had to be on guard for one of NSJ's rages. Furthermore, as aunt N mentioned, I've done my work to heal from my mental issues which is a HELL of a lot more than I can say for any of them.

Being badmouthed to others is never a good thing but it's a bit easier to accept when you've actually DONE the things you've been accused of. If you've made a mistake or done something wrong, then you would have to suffer the consequences so to speak, KWIM? But to just have someone make up outright LIES about you just seems so much worse. And for what??? So that they can have their precious N supply?

On the upside, instead of feeling hurt, about all I felt (beyond minor irritation) was amusement. That's right, when I read the things N FOO's been saying - especially the warnings to my aunt N about me - I LAUGHED. I told aunt N as much when I responded to her and I almost hope she tells NM how funny I find their antics too. I can almost picture NM's seething disappointment to learn I no longer give a flying fig about what they say.

After I sent my aunt N a response to her email, this is what I got back from her:
 
Yeah, it's funny because you say the same things that NM says. She explained the "stealing" the same exact way you tell it-that NHS claims you took things from the pantry, etc. Whatever-it's a bunch of hogwash. My kids take things from this house all the time!!! It's an extension of their own home in my opinion and they're welcome to just about anything in here. I bake cookies to keep in the freezer so that when they visit they can take a taste of home with them. I'd give my kids anything in this house if they needed it, and there's plenty they can have even if they don't!! However, that's not even the point. All of that stuff happened YEARS ago. You cannot be judged for teen behavior forever. Lord knows I did a few things in my younger years. For instance. I used to "borrow" quarters from anyone's wallet in order to buy candy.....yes, I stole money from whoever's wallets were sitting around, and that was my spending money for the drug store. (I was probably 10) I only did it a couple of times, and you know what? I cured myself because the candy I bought just didn't taste very good because I stole the money to buy it. Then there was the time I went down to U of Dayton to visit my dh....I was supposed to stay with my girlfriend down there, but I stayed in the frat house with uncle B and 5 other men!! (I was petrified that my father would call or show up at the front door....I didn't sleep a wink-I was too scared) I could go on and on about the things I did as a teen, but guess what? It made me who I am today, and no one judges me for that stuff of yesteryear. So why are you judged for that stuff? You don't do anything like that today, and I have to tell you that both of my own daughters have had more than one sexual partner. I found out about things like this in a variety of ways and it's private stuff, but I'm telling you so that you know that you are not unusual nor are you "bad". Guess what? I love my daughters and don't think they're sluts because they aren't. Both of them were in relationships and thought themselves in love with the person they had relations with. Because of my open relationship with them, they came to me so that they could be responsible-shook me to my toes, but we handled it and it's history. I would no more bring that up to them now than I would tell their husband/boyfriend. It's just not relevant in their lives today. Oye! I get so irritated about this stuff. I shouldn't talk about it anymore and I won't !

By the way, just so you know, It's been decided that your mom is coming home next weekend. NSJ is afraid it will snow, so he wants to pick her up before the snow flies.

Love you,

N

So, basically, the deal is that my NM, NSJ and NHS claim I am a horrible, evil, dispicable person to the extent that people need to be in fear of their well-being and that of their families because I stole some cookies and whatnot out of NM's pantry on occasion??
 
BA HA HA HA HAAAAAAA!!!! Seriously??!! You know, we couldn't make this crap up if we tried. It's that crazy!!

I tell you, I damn near peed myself I was laughing so hard last night as I read this latest email from aunt N. As I retold the story to dh, I literally had tears streaming down my face. Since then, dh and I have been teasing one another that I'm going to steal his cookies. LOL

The ironic thing is, I am not the sort of person to ever help myself to anyone's stuff in their house. If we're at a party and it's all laid out for everyone, that's one thing but to just go and visit someone and help myself to their fridge or cabinets/pantry? That's just not me. So when we'd go visit NM, I would always ask first, as would dh, and NM would always reply that it was fine, to help ourselves. Yet somehow that has now turned into my being a thief?

The biggest irony though is that NM used to come over my house and just help herself to whatever, be it food, drink or otherwise. The food and drink items I never minded but it did chap my behind when NM would help herself to other things. For example, NM once walked off with a new cd dh had bought. Didn't say anything to anyone, just stuck it in her purse as she left one day and then told me AFTER the fact over the phone that she had it and that, if dh wanted it back, he could come get it. She also walked off with my bellydance hip scarf that she'd been coveting for some time and a small chalkboard that I no longer used but that ds had taken a fancy to and used often. As of now, she still has both items and refuses to give them back.  (Fine by me. They aren't worth the problems that would come from contacting her to get them back!)

Those people - NM, NSJ and NHS - really are freaking NUTS!! Another good thing - I think it's finally starting to really sink in that I really am done with all of them. I love my NM and probably always will but I know now that she'll never, ever change and I can never have her in my life. Slowly, I'm becoming okay with that. 

Sometimes I just get sick and tired of it all...

Yesterday on Facebook, my aunt N posted this as her status message:

I have carried a baby within my body. I have nourished and comforted a child on my chest. I have kissed booboos, wiped tears, been woken up in the middle of the night to a feverish child and more, but I wouldn't have it any other way. My body isn't magazine perfect, but when I look in the mirror, I see a Mom and there is NO greater honor. I Love and cherish my kids!!!

(Let me be clear here, as there was come confusion when I posted about this on the DoNM board, that this was not what I took issue with. That part is coming up.)

Because, as a proud mom myself, I wholeheartedly agreed with her sentiment, I posted "AMEN!!" as a response. Shortly after that, my NGM chimed in with: "You're so right N, having children is the most wonderful gift from God." THIS was the part that caused me to roll my eyes.

It's not that I was hurt exactly, it was more a feeling of, "Seriously? Again with the stupid P/A game playing?" *sigh* It was the feeling of being sick and tired of my N FOO never just coming out and saying what's on their mind but instead playing these little mind games all the time. And I actually probably wouldn't have thought anything of it at all had it not been posted after my response and/or had my NGM not made similar comments before that were later confirmed by others to be intended as P/A.

At this point, I'd almost rather just receive a nasty, scathing email from each of them and be done with it all. These constant P/A games are like trying to watch a movie and having a gnat keep flying into your field of vision or like having one of those itches that you can't scratch. Not painful but a major nuisance and irritating as all hell.

For the record, the problem has since been taken care of. I had already blocked a few of my N FOO members several months ago when I originally unfriended all of them on FB. However, several people had their settings set in such a way that only people on their friends list could search for them so when I tried to block them, I was unable to find them. Thankfully, someone on the DoNM board knew another way I could do it so I was able to block the remaining people yesterday. YAY! So now, I no longer have to worry about seeing their stupid comments and wonder "Did they mean that to be nasty or not?".

On a bit of a side note, I continue to be amazed at how far I've come in just a few months. Even as recently as July, I think something like the P/A jab on FB probably would have upset me quite a bit and I'd have continued hurting and chewing on it for at least a couple days. Instead, yesterday I merely rolled my eyes and thought, "Oh for pete's sake! Again?!" and set about finding a way to take care of the problem.

It'll be interesting to see how I continue to heal and grow now that I'm NC.

9 months and some news...

Well, this past Saturday marked 9 months of NC for me. I think I may have mentioned in a recent post that I'd been missing my NM a bit. Not enough to contact her exactly but just feeling down about the whole situation and missing the few good times we've had together, far and few between though they were. Well, not any more.

I still am in contact with my aunt N. She's actually about the ONLY FOO member I'm in touch with these days as the rest have apparently decided to side with NM and refuse to speak to me anymore. My cousin, "M", got married recently (not to be confused with my other cousin, "C", who got married a couple weeks before "M") and, since NM is up there taking care of my NGM who injured her knee, she was at that wedding as well.

Apparently NHS and BIL had to leave C's wedding because my nephew threw up which, according to NHS, "he does all the time for attention". I was, naturally, a tad shocked and concerned when I heard this and have been worried for my niece and nephew for a long time now, long before going NC with my NHS and NBIL a year and a half ago. Apparently I am right to be concerned because my aunt N says that my niece, "A", STILL has problems walking and doing stairs, can't run without falling down and still crosses a room by going from one piece of furniture to the next to hold onto for support. The child is now 6 or 7, not sure which sadly. These problems started when she was about 3 or 4. My NHS and NBIL refuse to do anything about it and claim she's merely "flat-footed". When pushed, they claim they've taken her to 9 specialists but I know that's a total crock as they cancelled out on going to the first specialist like 5 times. I don't think they ever wound up going, though there may have been ONE visit but certainly not NINE specialists!

I had considered strongly calling up the local authorities and at least asking their opinion on what can be done. However, I've decided not to call. It was a very hard decision to make and, if it was still just me and dh, I'd have been on the phone yesterday. But I have my own ds to think about and NHS and NBIL have threatened me many times before that if NBIL or NHS' dad (NSJ) ever gets into trouble because of my "lies" that they will spend the rest of their lives making mine miserable. I would not put it past them AT ALL to lie and claim my ds is abused or whatever and cause problems for me. And I've known some people whose kids were taken from them temporarily while everything was looked into and sorted out and I refuse to let my ds be traumatized like that just so NHS and NBIL can wreak their disgusting revenge. I feel bad walking away but, to be honest, I'm not sure there's much the authorities could do anyway. The kids aren't physically abused, they are well fed and clothed and any authority would likely walk in there, see those things and say, "Nevermind." The sad fact is that emotional/verbal abuse doesn't really register with them and can be very hard to prove anyway. I just hope and pray that now that the kids are in school, the teachers and/or staff there will notice these things and take steps to have it corrected.

Also got some news about NM and NSJ. Aunt N wrote:

(Your NM) hasn't changed. I was feeling her out about the whole situation, and she feels the same exact way - she also misses you terribly, but things would have to be different if you 2 were to have a relationship. Well, no kidding! However, I honestly don't feel that she thinks SHE has to do anything different. NSJ overheard me saying that ds was going to preschool, and he made some asshole comment about, 'OMG, you mean they sent the child to school??' I turned around and said YES, they enrolled him in preschool and he's doing fantastic. I really wanted to say more - I wanted to rub it in his face that you guys are doing a MUCH better job at raising ds than his daughter is raising B and A, but I shut my mouth and didn't start a war. It's not my fight, and I don't want a fight. NSJ just isn't worth it. He has anger about the whole situation, but he doesn't seem to understand that HE is the cause of much of the unrest between you 2. Also, neither of them understand why you wouldn't let NM take ds out on his own - I think that's what prompted the school comment - NSJ thinks you just can't let ds out of your sight. I don't know how NM stands to live with him, but she tells me that she misses him a lot and she's homesick. I can understand that she misses her home, but I've never understood the NSJ thing.

This part understandably pissed me off for multiple reasons:

1) As always, I'M the one who supposedly has all the problems and who would need to change if NM and I were to have a relationship again. *sigh* I really do get so sick and tired of constantly being the SG with these people. (I refuse to call them a family.)

2) NM supposedly "misses me terribly" yet not only has she not tried to contact me once in 9 months but she's also been going around smearing me to anyone and everyone who will give her the time of day. Even when I WAS still in contact with her, we maybe saw her two or three times a month because she was always "so busy" doing whatever. (Mind you, she found time to visit with NHS and her two kids weekly, sometimes a couple times a week.)

3) Seriously? AGAIN with the "Why couldn't I take ds out by myself?" bullshit? As God is my witness, I have told NM my reasons why at least a dozen times and I have been crystal clear about it so that there would be no misunderstanding. She KNOWS damn well what the reasons are, she just chooses to feign ignorance because, in her own words, "you can't blame me for what I don't understand."

4) This probably pisses me off the most. Where in the HELL NSJ gets off thinking he has ANY right whatsoever to comment on me and my life is beyond me. He's made it clear from day one that he not only hates and resents me to no end but that he wanted nothing to do with me. He was always making comments about how he wished my NM would have just given me to my father years ago and been done with me or about how he resented "wasting" his money on me, yet he thinks that he has some right to comment about my life or that anyone, most of all ME, gives a flying f**k about his opinion??!

That fat, disgusting, perverted PIG of a man....nay, that THING, made my life a living hell. From as far back as I can remember, he abused me physically, verbally, emotionally and sexually harassed me daily. He made me feel lower and more worthless than dog shit on his shoe. Where in the HELL does he get off judging me and my life?? Even if I didn't let my ds out of my sight - which is a total crock because not only does ds go to preschool but he goes to my IL's on his own almost every weekend, Saturday AND Sunday - being overprotective is a DAMN lot better than abusing and torturing a child like he did to me!

Oooh, I HATE that man! I hate him, I hate him, I HATE him. Actually, "hate" isn't nearly a strong enough word. I loathe him. I despise him. Every single thing about him disgusts me all the way to the very core of my being. Regardless, I have and will continue to pray that I'm able to forgive him. Why? Because I refuse to let him continue to control me through my bitterness and hatred of him. He's simply NOT WORTH IT.

I was angry after reading my aunt N's email but, ironically enough, within about 30 minutes or so, I felt fine. Even now, I could care less about most of it, save for the NSJ thing. NM, NHS and NBIL? Pfffffft! Let them say what they will. They are sad, pathetic creatures and I no longer care to waste my time being upset over what they say or think about me. As for NSJ, yes, I admit he still gets to me. I'm working on it and it seems to be helping as these things just don't get to me like they used to. In fact, I'm already feeling better which is pretty amazing seeing as how, even a few short months ago, something like this would have had me upset for days, if not a week or more. Now however, I'm able to shrug most of it off within a few minutes.

One thing I've found that really helps is to say to myself, "My intention is..." and then fill in the blank. For example, after reading that news about my N FOO, I said to myself, "My intention is to let this go and not allow them to continue hurting me. They aren't worth it." Almost immediately I started to feel better and within about a half hour, I was perfectly calm and relaxed again. It doesn't always work quite that fast - and I really have no idea why it works at all - but it seems to do the trick so I'll keep doing it!

Hope all of you are doing well!

DA

Oh good grief!!! WHY??!!

Just heard back from my HS. Remember a few days ago when NSM told me HS was having a test for her lymphedema that was supposedly THE single most excruciatingly painful test known to all of mankind? (At least I think I posted about that here! LOL) Well surprise, surprise. Turns out NSM is full of shit!

The test HS is having is called a "lymphoscintigraphy". Quite simply, it involves a radioactive dye being injected and then taking a series of x-rays over the course of a few hours. The goal is to try and see where the blockage is in the lymph system that's causing all the swelling. Aside from an uncomfortable needle stick, it's not painful at all, according to people who've had it done.

But the lying doesn't stop there, oh no! NSM also told me that my NEF was supposed to spend the day with my HS (at her request supposedly) due to the fact that it was supposed to be so "trying" on HS, what with the high levels of "excruciating pain and all". *eye roll* According to HS, not only did she NOT request that my NEF go with her, she says that her bf is supposed to be going with her and so she doesn't need either of them there at all unless something with her plans falls through and her bf has to go into work unexpectedly, in which case she asked NSM to be on stand-by.

So, basically, NSM lied about EVERYTHING. What I don't get is WHY? What's the point? I can maybe see lying if there's some gain but what's the supposed gain in this scenario? As far as I can tell, there is none.

Honestly, these N's are so STUPID sometimes!

"Place For My Head" by Linkin Park...

Not sure why I never noticed this song before. I guess I just played the songs I liked on my Linkin Park cd and never bothered to listen to the other ones. Anyways, I was listening to my cd yesterday while doing dishes and this song came on. As I listened to the lyrics I thought to myself, 'WOW. Just....WOW.' Talk about a DoNM anthem if I've ever heard one! I especially like the part where he's screaming, "You, tried to take the best of me....GO AWAY!!!"

Take a listen for yourself here. And just in case you are unable to access links (or just don't feel like it!), here's the lyrics:

Place For My Head by Linkin Park

I watch how the moon sits in the sky on a dark night
Shining with the light from the sun
But the sun doesn't give the light to the moon assuming,
The moon's gonna owe it one
It makes me think of how you act to me
You do favors then rapidly
You just turn around and start asking me,
About things that you want back from me

I'm so sick of the tension
Sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place to feed your greed
While I find a place to rest

I wanna be in another place
I hate when you say you don't understand
(You'll see it's not meant to be)
I wanna be in the energy
Not with the enemy
A place for my head

Maybe some day I'll be just like you and
Step on people like you do
Run away all the people I thought I knew
I remember back then who you were
You used to be calm used to be strong
Used to be generous but you should've known
That you'd wear out your welcome
now you see how quiet it is all alone

I'm so sick of the tension
Sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place to feed your greed
While I find a place to rest

I'm so sick of the tension
Sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place to feed your greed
While I find a place to rest

I wanna be in another place
I hate when you say you don't understand
(You'll see it's not meant to be)
I wanna be in the energy
Not with the enemy
A place for my head

You try to take the best of me, go away
You try to take the best of me, go away
You try to take the best of me, go away
You try to take the best of me, GO AWAY


YOU TRY TO TAKE THE BEST OF ME
GO AWAY, YOU TRY TO TAKE THE BEST OF ME
GO AWAY, YOU TRY TO TAKE THE BEST OF ME
GO AWAY, YOU TRY TO TAKE THE BEST OF ME
GO AWAY!!!!!!

I wanna be in another place
I hate when you say you don't understand
(You'll see it's not meant to be)
I wanna be in the energy
Not with the enemy
A place for my head

I'm so sick of the tension
Sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place to feed your greed
While I find a place to rest

I'm so sick of the tension
Sick of the hunger
Sick of you acting like I owe you this
Find another place to feed your greed
While I find a place to rest

Update regarding NSM...

In speaking with NSM the other day, she mentioned that she'd spoken with my HB. Apparently, he and his gf have moved in together and my NSM and NEF are extremely upset about it. LOL Actually, to say they are merely "upset" is a major understatement. More like they are LIVID about it.

According to NSM, she and HB got into it over the phone because she told him that the recent money they gave him to help with his rent would be the last time they ever helped him out financially as they "strongly disapprove of him living in sin" with his gf. *roll eyes* Now, I'm not saying they aren't entitled to their beliefs. If they feel that it's wrong to live together before marriage, that's their perogative. The problem I have is in the manner in which they've chosen to handle the whole thing. Basically, they are saying, "Unless you choose to conduct your life in the manner WE approve of, no more money." So as long as he plays the part of a good little doormat, allowing mommy and daddy to call all the shots, they will continue throwing money at him. But dare speak up or attempt to make his own decisions and have his own opinions and no more money. Talk about N bullshit!

My other, even bigger, problem that I have with the way they've chosen to handle it is that their own relationship began as an affair while my NEF was still married to my NM. Not only that but their entire life together since then has been filled with lies, theft, bigotry, neglecting to properly care for their children (mainly me, who they abandoned years ago), skipping out on debts, etc.

I was doing a bit of fooling around online the other day. Occasionally I'll type in my name or the name of someone I know and just see what comes up. For no particular reason, I typed in my dad's name and hit paydirt. Several court dockets came up for three different counties in their home state. Most of them involved my NSM and/or NEF being sued for not paying their debts, one of which was for a total of over $29,000!! There was also a couple of bankruptcy cases, one of which involved the foreclosure of their house in X city, a house my NEF and NSM still maintain they SOLD when it was clearly foreclosed on. In EVERY SINGLE CASE, my NSM and NEF made themselves scarce so that legal papers couldn't be served to them. They skipped out on accepting responsibility for what they'd done and yet they feel it's appropriate to go pointing fingers at everyone else's sins? Puh-leez!

These people have skipped out on thousands of dollars worth of debt, have lied about multiple things, began their relationship as an affair, abused their children and beat my dog repeatedly, my dad stole money from his own brother's business and also equipment from the fire department he used to work for, abandoned me for over 15 years......I could go on and on and on, I'm sure, and these same people, this man who (so I've heard) refused to serve the Holy Communion to his BLACK congregation without wearing latex surgical gloves, THESE people want to go pointing fingers and judging other people??!! WTFH??!

I so wish I could talk to my HB. If I could, I would say to him, "Good for you! Good for you for taking a stand and deciding to live your own life and make your own choices and not allowing them to control your life anymore through their money!" Sadly, my HB wants nothing to do with me as he's been told most of his 27 or so years what a horrible person/sister I was/am, how I wanted nothing to do with them, etc. NSM and NEF, these self-proclaimed "good Christian people" with their damned LIES!

They make me sick.