Something else that occurred to me...

Been thinking about this situation with my N IL's today and something else occurred to me. I was talking to dh earlier via IM online and told him that I would like it to be noted that his NM had once again gone over my head and cut me out of the equation by emailing him instead of talking to me like he'd instructed her to do the last time an issue came up. His response was that he could understand why she went over my head this time since, in the past two years, dh and ds had gone with NMIL to the fair alone. I reminded dh that wasn't true, that I'd gone with them last year and then stated that wasn't the point. Were this an isolated incident, I could maybe overlook it but it's just one instance in a long pattern of behavior with his mother. Dh grew impatient and angry with me and said he'd just forward NMIL's to me from now on. I told him that was all fine and dandy but that it didn't solve the problem of his mother disrespecting me and that he needed to say something to her. I told him that I am sorry he's always being put in a bad position but that he was the one who said he wanted to handle his parents (and me mine) when stuff like this came up. I went on to say that if he didn't want to handle it, I was more than happy to step up and respectfully handle it myself but he would get angry with me about that too.

My problem is that dh is upset and angry with ME all the time and I'M not the one doing anything wrong. His NM is the one overstepping the boundaries and disrespecting me and then when I dare to speak up and ask not to be mistreated, I'M the bad guy with dh. Meanwhile, NMIL wreaks her havoc and consistently escapes any and all blame as far as dh is concerned. I wish I could figure out a way to make dh realize that his anger is misplaced and that I am not the one he should be upset with.

Why is it that dh would rather sell his soul to the dark side than so much as think that his NM is anything other than a saint who can do no wrong? Why does he seem so willing to throw me under the bus and ask me to suffer further mistreatment rather than stand up for me/us? More to the point, what will it take for him to wake up and see what's really going on before he does something? Honestly, sometimes - like today - I feel like dh could catch his NM red handed trying to poison me and still he'd find a way to rationalize it away and make it okay in his mind. I love my dh very much and in so many ways, he's such a wonderful man but I just don't know how much more of this constantly being put second to his NFOO I can take. It would seem to me that when NMIL disrespects me, she's also disrespecting dh since I'm his wife. But all I get from dh is excuses of how NMIL "didn't mean it" or how it was "completely unintentional". Then I'm told how I'M over-reacting, being too sensitive, etc. Am so sick of it all.

I think what I'm going to do is let dh "handle it" one last time. But the next time NMIL goes over my head and deliberately tries to cut me out of decisions involving MY ds - and I think we all know it WILL happen and sooner than later - I'm going to handle the matter and call NMIL out myself. If dh doesn't like it and/or wants to throw a fit, I don't give a shit anymore. Bottom line, if HE isn't going to nip this in the bud and put a stop to my being disrespected by his NM, then *I* will!

Needing a reality check here...

Am feeling pretty sure I have a right to be upset but, as you all know, sometimes it's hard to know for sure and have doubts. Here's the situation...

Without going into too much detail, NBIL posted a political "joke" on Facebook earlier today. The basic gist was that if people simply work hard enough, they can be rich too and that anyone who isn't must be lazy and not working hard enough and/or that all homeless and poor people are just looking for handouts and lazy. Generally, if I disagree with someone's political views with regard to something they post, I just scroll past and let it go. The few times I DO respond, I try to be very respectful because just as I am entitled to my beliefs, so are others entitled to theirs, right? So anyways, I chose to respond to this particular "joke" and stated that the belief that all poor people were just lazy and looking for handouts is completely ridiculous. I then added a comment that luck can change in an instant and that some people would do well to remember that as they sat on their high horses looking down their noses at people less fortunate than them.

Now, admittedly, it was a bit passive-aggressive but, given my N IL's nasty behaviors recently, I couldn't help myself. I felt and feel that I handled myself respectfully enough, despite the P/A nature of the comment. I didn't come flat out and call NBIL out and I don't feel I was nasty. A bit snarky perhaps but not nasty. Also, the way I see it, by posting his views on a public forum like FB, NBIL is opening himself up to comments. Well dh threw a fit and told me I needed to delete the last part of my comment because he just KNEW that his family was going to take offense and then poor dh would be put in the middle, blah blah. After a bit of back and forth, I told dh flat out - "Look, I am NOT deleting my comment. I have every right to express my thoughts and opinions same as your family does and I have done NOTHING wrong." Dh stormed out and went to work.

Honestly, I am so sick and tired of always being expected to tip toe around dh's family because heaven forbid we offend them in any way or hurt their feelings. I am DONE. It's always ME who is supposed to apologize or take back something I said or wrote lest it offend his family....but it's okay for THEM to talk crap about me and disrespect me. Case in point, recently (I'm pretty sure I posted about this on here somewhere) NMIL manipulated the situation and went over my head to ask dh - called him at WORK no less, despite the fact she knew I was at home - if she could take ds to a local splash pad place. Dh told NMIL to ask me but instead of doing that, NMIL ignored that and mentioned it to ds thereby putting me in a bad position because I'd already confirmed with my NM that she could visit with ds that day. So then I was put in a lose/lose position because either I told ds he couldn't go and he resented me and NM for him not being able to go or I let ds go and NMIL got her way and then NM was (quite rightfully so) upset at me. When I mentioned this to dh, he blew me off and told me to just blame it on him and said my NM would get over it. It wasn't a big deal and he could care less. (Not what he came out and said but that was his attitude about it.) But when it's HIS family or HIM being put in a bad position, all of a sudden it's a HUGE deal and I need to recognize and step off. I am SO FUCKING DONE with them and their crap!!!

When NMIL pulled this stunt dh told her that, in the future, she needed to come through ME and we agreed that if she did come to him again, he would tell her to contact ME and ask ME. Well, last night, dh gets an email from NMIL asking if "we" - meaning dh and ds - were planning to go to the county fair this weekend and, if so, she was going to get tickets. Dh DID check with me before responding but not a word was said to NMIL about needing to check with me. Once again, dh let NMIL get away with cutting me out of the picture and said NOTHING. Yet I'm supposed to know beyond a doubt that he is supposedly on MY side and backs me 100%. Yeah. I can just feel the love and support dh, thanks.

On an unrelated side note, NBIL and NSIL posted video on FB this morning of the GC grandson riding around in MY ds' toy ride-around car. Now, they know full well that ds has had jealousy issues with the GC since he arrived (and deservedly so...the favoritism is obvious) and yet it doesn't occur to them that ds, who has his own FB account so that he can play Angry Birds on there (just FYI, he is always supervised when online) might see this stupid video and be upset by it? I don't give a crap if it was NBIL and NSIL who bought it for ds, it was a GIFT and , as such is DS' car and they either a) should have called and asked if it would be okay for their brat to ride in it or b) at the very least not posted it all over FB. But instead, the favored little prince is just expected to have everything handed down to him. NMIL actually got ANGRY with me recently because I refused to just GIVE her a pair of expensive tennis shoes I'd purchased for ds when he was a baby so that the GC brat could wear them!

I don't know. Am I just being a petty bitch here or do I have legitimate cause to be upset?

GAH!! These people!!!!

Was finally sleeping after nearly a week of horrid insomnia due to my new medication (Zoloft) and was woken up by the phone. Didn't get to it in time so the machine picked up. It was NMIL letting me know that NFIL is on his way over to take a look at our kitchen sink. While I (sort of) appreciate him trying to help, do they not think AT ALL to call BEFOREHAND to make sure it's a good time for ME??? Honestly, they just figure that since I have anxiety and agoraphobia and don't really go out that it's just always a good time to drop by. Never occurs to them I might have other plans, have company over visiting or be doing something else important. Of course even if I'm just sitting here, sleeping on my couch all day, it's still my house and, as such, I have the right to say I DON'T WANT FUCKING COMPANY RIGHT NOW!!! GAH!!! These people!!!!!

I didn't pick up when NMIL called and was leaving her message. Was hoping she'd get in touch with NFIL like she said and tell him not to come. Instead, the bitch called back - damn that caller ID messing up lately otherwise I would have seen it was her and not answered! - and informs me that NFIL is on his way over to look at the sink. I just said, "Yeah. Whatever." Of course she was all pissy and bitchy being that she still assumes I'M the one who "made" dh call and chastise her about deliberately removing me from the loop the other day.

Am definitely going to have to have another talk with dh. Think I will insist on a sit down with myself, dh and his NP's this time so we can get everything laid out there on the table. Not that I think it will stop their bad behavior, mind you. Don't know that even a miracle could fix that. More that since dh will be present, he'll hear me tell them flat out to please show me the respect of calling before they come, etc. so they will no longer be able to play the "I didn't know it was a problem" card. 

As for me, I think I'll be going even more extreme LC with them both. Full NC isn't possible at this time unfortunately as NMIL comes to pick ds up for the day on Saturdays when he visits them. But I try to limit my contact whenever possible, such as handing the phone to dh or ds when they call and not going over there when dh and ds go over (which isn't often at all).

Maybe I'll get lucky and dh will get a great new job that will require him to relocate to Europe. LOL One can wish, right? ;o)

Freaking NMIL...

All I can say is thank the Lord for the Zoloft that I started last weekend otherwise I'd likely be hella more pissed off than I am presently. Freaking NMIL.

NMIL had asked dh - she's always asking dh instead of going through ME despite the fact that I'M the one home with ds all day and in charge of his daily schedule - a few weeks back if it would be okay for her and NSIL (and NSIL's kid) to take ds to a local splash pad sometime. (In case anyone doesn't know what a splash pad is, it's a very shallow water recreation area that has a host of sprinklers and spouts coming up out of the ground for young kids to play in.) Dh ran it by me and we both told NMIL that it should be fine, just to check with us down the road whenever she decided on an actual day and time. So, last night ds is talking on the phone with NMIL and I overhear her telling him that she's going to take him to this splash pad place tomorrow. (Ds prefers to talk on speaker phone and I don't mind as it enables me to hear what the other person might be saying, this latest incident being a perfect example of why that might be necessary.) I had a couple issues with this:

1) No one had said anything to ME about it.
2) NM had already called and scheduled to come visit with ds today.
3) As far as I knew, NMIL hadn't said anything to my dh about this either and just went straight to ds first. Not cool.

So I said to ds - and NMIL who could hear me - that I wasn't sure if that would work as NM had already made plans to come visit ds the following day, etc. NMIL gets all pissy and says to just "let her know" and then adds that Wednesday was the best day for NSIL to do it. Of course there was obviously ZERO concern as to whether or not it was a good time for ME. As soon as ds hung up with NMIL, I went into dh's studio and asked him quietly if his NM had called him earlier that day and said anything about taking ds to the splash pad place the following day. He said yes, his NM had called him and that he had told her it should be okay but to call me first to make sure. Dh says he was very clear that NMIL needed to call and check with me first.

Understandably, I was PISSED. NMIL had manipulated things and now *I* was going to be in trouble with someone no matter what. If I told ds he couldn't go, then he was going to be upset and quite possibly resent me and NM for him not being able to go. If I let ds go, then not only did NMIL get that she could get away with manipulating things but NM would eventually find out that we'd let NMIL take ds to a splash pad place after telling her just a couple weeks ago that she could not. (For the record, the place NMIL took ds too was JUST a splash pad place whereas the place NM wants to take DS has a deeper pool very nearby. Dh and I both agree that unless one or both of us is there, we don't want ds in any pools or larger bodies of water.)

Dh said he was going to call his NM and "give her hell" about the whole thing. I suppose I should be glad that he at least saw something wrong with her behavior. Unfortunately, his "kid gloved" approach to "giving his mom hell" kind of killed any pride I might have felt in him for standing up to her. To be fair, he DID firmly reiterate that NMIL was to go through ME for all future scheduling of anything and chastised her (albeit extremely mildly) for leaving me out of the loop. NMIL claims it wasn't intentional and that she just hadn't called me that morning because she didn't want to wake me if I was still sleeping. Okay. Fine. But what about the other 8 hours or so she knew I'd be up? Better still, how about asking to speak to ME, as dh had instructed her to do, when she called last night before she went blathering to ds about taking him to a water park? No, NMIL knew EXACTLY what she was doing and no one will ever convince me otherwise. Of course, dh believes that it wasn't intentional. He agrees it wasn't right but still believes that his NM is this innocent dunderhead that would never intentionally manipulate the situation or do anything nasty. I, of course, know better. NMIL is, at BEST, extremely passive aggressive. At her worst, she's an N through and through.

As expected, NMIL was late to pick ds up this morning for their visit and was late bringing him home. She was short and clipped in speaking to me and refused to make eye contact. I could tell she was pissed at me, likely because she's sure *I* was the one that put dh up to calling her and chewing her out last night. Of course dh could never think to do such a thing on his OWN. I wasn't surprised that she brought ds home late. What would have shocked me was if she HAD gotten him home on time. But instead, to get back at me for having dh call her up and chastise her, she went all passive aggressive and decided she was going to make ds late for his visit with my NM at 2 o'clock. Bitch.

It wound up that, against my better judgment, we let ds go. I know, I know. But ds told me he really, really wanted to go and begged asked if it was okay and what can I say? - I love my ds more than I hate my NMIL. Am still pissed off majorly at NMIL though and am seriously contemplating saying something to her myself. I find it awfully telling that NMIL apologized to dh last night for what she did but said NOTHING to me the two times she came into the house today when she was picking ds up and dropping him off or when she called to tell ds goodnight just a bit ago. If she was sincerely sorry, wouldn't you think she'd apologize to ME, the one she wronged? So wish I could come up with some concrete proof instead of it always being her word against mine. 

On a bit of a side note, I would also like to see how dh would feel if the situation were reversed. Had it been the other way around and his NM had already made plans and then my NM pulled a stunt like this and I said it was okay and let ds go, how would he feel? I strongly suspect he'd be pissed and not at all okay with it. But, as is most often the case, when it's his NM, it's all good. It's always, "I'm sure she didn't mean it like that." He just refuses to see her as anything other than this naive, innocent person who doesn't have a mean or manipulative bone in her body. I'll give NMIL credit for one thing though, she certainly has FIL and her two boys fooled with her act.

The NM is coming through again...

Guess it's true what they say about all good things eventually coming to an end. The past several months - has it been a year now? - with NM have been better than I ever could have hoped. She's been supportive, caring. She's minded her manners and behaved herself for the most part. Truly, I finally felt like I had a real mother for the first time in my life. I knew this new mom wouldn't last forever and that the N in her would eventually come back out but I guess a part of me had hoped I was wrong or that this good thing would go on a bit longer.

It all started a month or so ago when NM was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes. Don't know what the deal is with these doctors seeming to prescribe moderate to high carb and low fat diets as a means of losing weight but NM got the usual BS from her doctor. Her doctor also told her that it was "okay" to have a couple waffles or a piece of cake or some cookies once in a while. Now, to me, this is like telling a drug addict they can still have a fix once in a while or an alcoholic that they can have an occasional drink. Like any addict - and I fully believe carbs and sugar are addictive - given this loophole, NM is likely to take major advantage which is precisely what she's done. I can't tell you how many mornings I'm talking to her and she'll check her sugar and it's well over 100. On a couple of occasions, it's been as high as 244! 

Naturally, because I care about her and want her to be well, I've tried to guide her toward a healthier way of eating, particularly to avoid carbs. Dh and I are proof that this way of eating will result in weight loss and better health. And a co-worker/friend of dh's is even better proof as he was extremely bad with diabetes (also type 2) before dh helped him start eating better and they started working out. In just over a year, this guy has lost just over 100 pounds and his diabetes is gone and he's off all his meds. His blood pressure and cholesterol are also back within normal ranges. Despite this, NM insists that her doctor knows best and keep taking full advantage of the loophole she was given. Of course this has resulted in her sugar spiking and dropping all over the place and NM feeling awful. But instead of that causing her to realize maybe I'm right, she continues to play the "I don't understand why I'm not feeling better" game and says she "can't be bothered" to do what she needs to do and read the articles dh and I email to her and make the effort to eat right.

I've begun to distance myself from the issue as it's become very problematic and stressful for me. NM had earned the privilege to take DS out on short excursions but I'm no longer comfortable with that given her refusal to take responsibility for her health and do what she needs to do. What if her sugar spikes dangerously high or low and she passes out while driving with DS in the car or something? Or what if she's at the corner store with him and that happens and DS is left alone and frightened? Of course THIS has caused NM to get all pissy and argumentative and start the "But WHY can't I take him?" again.

Then I was talking to her the other day and she starts in on telling me what I need to do in order to make my home-business more successful. This from the woman who "can't be bothered" to properly market her stuff and just sticks a few items in the display where she gets her nails done and expects her business to just magically take off all on it's own. When I try to give her advice to be more successful - not that I'm exactly a great success yet but it's starting to take off a bit lately - her response is always, "I can't be bothered." Yet she wants to try and tell ME how to run my business? So anyways I told her that I already did all of those things and that dh is going to set me up a website just as soon as he's finished working on a paid piece (oil painting) that he's currently doing. NM pipes up with, "Oh good! And when he's done with yours, he can do one for me too!" Um.....NO. For one, though he can do it, dh hates doing websites. He's only helping me out because I'm his wife and because, in doing so, it will help me to get more business and bring in more money. Furthermore, why should dh waste his precious time to set up a website for someone who, by her own admission, "can't be bothered"?

Just yesterday I was talking with NM again (in reading this am definitely thinking I need to cut back on how often I talk with NM!) and she was telling me about this friend of hers. I refer to this woman as NM's "black hole" because she is a bottomless pit of neediness. She calls NM no less than three times a week, usually more, and expects NM to answer every time and then sit and listen to her woe is me sob story about how she just knows her ex - who she's been divorced from for over 20 years mind you - still loves her (despite the fact that he's been happily remarried for most of those years) and if she could just get him alone, she knows he'd come back to her and their kids who need him. (Their "kids" are all well over 20 and married with their own kids.) Long story short, this "black hole" has major mental problems and is far from stable. NM complains about having to talk to this person so often, etc. and I finally just said to her, "Look. If you don't want to talk to her, DON'T TALK TO HER. Tell her to stop calling you and then just don't answer anymore if she calls back." NM would repeatedly say how if this person said just one more thing, she was going to cut the cord. Yeah. Right.

Forward several months of NM threatening to "cut the cord" with her black hole and we're caught up to yesterday. NM was once again complaining about her black hole. Apparently said nuisance had called NM up the night before and proceeded to ream NM a new one about what it means to be a real friend and how NM was no friend because she was always trying to "change" her (NM was actually trying to suggest ways for this person to help get herself out of her current situation since she seems to be so unhappy where she is), blah blah blah. So I say to NM, "So? What did you say to her?" Basically, NM didn't do shit about anything and her big plan now is to just not answer when this person calls back in the future.

What bothered me though is that NM is telling me what she said to this woman and somewhere along the line NM says that she's telling her black hole that she (NM) has agreed to help me with my anxiety issue and be there for me - which, to a large degree, she has been there for me thus far - and how she doesn't have time to play therapist to this other lady. That part was fine but then NM went on to say how me and my issues are apparently so "frustrating" for her and how she gets so irritated because she doesn't know how to help me, etc. Not only did that hurt - (I am so sick and tired of everyone saying how 'frustrating' I am to be around and deal with right now. As if I don't already know that. More to the point, if they think THEY are frustrated, imagine how it must feel for ME who doesn't have the luxury of getting a break from myself and my issues!) - but it pissed me off. For one, other than asking her to accompany me to a couple places, and I think it's been literally TWO places she's gone with me to, I haven't asked her for a thing and she hasn't done shit other than to offer me stupid, useless "advice" about how I need to just "not think about it" and "get out more" as if that will somehow magically cure me of my intense anxiety and agoraphobia. In fact, with the exception of the past several months, NM has NEVER been there for me in ANY capacity. At least none that matters, and yet she has the gall to complain as if it's so hard being the fucking hero to my tragedy? Oh POOR NM!!! What the fuck ever.

Oh, just remembered another incident. So a week ago, NM asks if she could take DS to the local YMCA pool to swim for a bit. Wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea but told NM I'd talk with dh and get back to her the following morning. Dh agreed with me that he wasn't comfortable with the idea either and so I'd planned to tell NM it wasn't gonna happen. As it turned out, NM called the next day and said she wasn't going to go because it was too humid. Okay. Whatever. Then just this past Tuesday, NM mentions that she'd told DS - she'd watched him while dh went with me to a doctor's appointment - that she might take him to the pool Thursday if it was okay with dh and I. Was somewhat pissed but at least she'd bothered to add the part about needing to ask dh and I first which was a big change from before NC where NM used to ask DS first and then I was always made the bad guy for making them cancel plans. When I was talking with NM on the phone later that day, she mentioned taking DS to the pool again and I said, "We'll see." I know, I should have just told her then it wasn't going to happen but it had been a long, very anxiety-filled day and I wasn't in the mood for an argument just then. So NM goes, "What do you mean 'We'll see'? Why is it 'we'll see' now when you'd said I could take him before?" Didn't occur to me in the moment that I had NOT said yes that she could take him to the pool at ANY point. Instead, I felt guilty as if I HAD said that and then changed my mind so I just told her I had to check because NMIL had said something about taking DS out for some back to school stuff and I didn't know if that was going to be Thursday or Friday. Later however, I was like "WTF?! I NEVER said she could take him to the pool!".

And then today while I was talking with her, she mentioned that I sounded down and asked what was wrong. So, silly me, I told her about all that was going on, how I'd spoken over the phone with my therapist yesterday and found out that my T was leaving the practice and how I was upset over it, etc. I tell you, NM couldn't have been more uninterested. She might as well have just come out and said, "Oh shut up. I don't care about this. Let's talk about something more interesting.....like ME!". I just kind of got quiet at which point NM excused herself and said she had to go. Being only too willing to get off the phone with her then, I said fine and hung up.

Am just so disgusted with my NP's lately. Haven't heard anything more from NEF or NSM lately (thank the Lord) but I came across a post from the Emerging From Broken blog in which Darlene writes about her emotionally unavailable EF and how she was sick of his behavior always reaffirming how little she means/meant to him all these years. It really made me realize that that is precisely my issue with my own NEF - he always makes me feel like I don't matter. Like I'm not important enough or good enough for him to take notice and care. And truly, today with NM acting so uninterested in what is currently going on with me, I realized she doesn't care either. With FOUR parents, birth and steps, caring so little about me and my feelings, is it any wonder I have virtually zero self-esteem or sense of self-worth?

Have made the decision to try taking Zoloft starting tomorrow. From what I read online, it's supposed to be very useful in treating social anxiety as well as helping with persons with PTSD, which I've been suspected of having, so I'm hoping it relieves some of this horrible anxiety I've been having. With DS going back to school in just a couple weeks, I'm going to need all the help I can get. Wish me luck.

GAH!

Honestly, I am getting so sick and tired of the whiny little bitches all over Facebook and elsewhere who get their panties in a snit because someone dares voice their opinion. Mind you, THEY are allowed to voice THEIR opinions whenever the hell they damn well feel like it but let me dare to take the same right for myself and suddenly the whining, pissing and moaning starts.

Case in point, my aunt N. My GM posted as her status something to the effect of, "Does anyone think that Romney sings better in that new ad than Justin Bieber does?" A couple people responded that they thought the ad in poor taste, my aunt N being the most vehement about that particular point among them. So I responded, "It's no different than any of the other political ads currently running, including Romney's own "endorsed by me" ads." She came back with a snarky, "Well *I* think it IS different. It crosses the line!" Whatever lady. Don't know what is up her ass lately. Maybe she's jealous that things are good with my NM again? Beats me. But I am very disappointed in her whole demeanor anymore. She's acting like a selfish, spoiled little brat.

She came back several hours later and wrote, "We all have our opinions and many have taken sides already. I hate the nastiness of this election, but the bottom line is that none of us should lose respect of others for this election. DA, I know that you're an Obama supporter and I respect that. However, I haven't made up my own mind and I'm really trying to keep an open mind. Not easy in this atmosphere." I have several issues with her comment:

1) This makes it sound like I was attacking her for her views when I was not. I was simply stating my opinion like everyone else in that thread.

2) She "hates the nastiness" and decries people losing respect? Funny, considering she's one of the worst offenders constantly posting very rude and insulting crap about Obama all the time.

3) Clearly she does NOT respect my opinion given her seeming need to always put down our President and "Like" all the nasty, disrespectful pictures and "jokes" that circulate the net about him.

4) Funny, seems to me she's made up her mind entirely seeing as how she's so anti-Obama every chance she gets and can speak no wrong of her Republican party. Keeping an open mind my ass. More like, "So long as you agree with ME on everything, then I'm open to hearing what you have to say. Otherwise, you should keep your mouth shut or else I'll attempt to publicly chastise and shame you all over Facebook since I can't handle anyone having a different opinion than me."

As for which side I supposedly support, aunt N has stated several times now - on Facebook of course - that she knows I am a staunch Democrat. Um....NO. I always have and always will vote for the guy (or gal) I think is the best candidate. I don't care if that person is from the Republican party or the Democratic party or some other party. I don't care if they are black, white, asian or whatever race. If I think he or she is the right person for the job, they have my vote. Period. Beyond that, I could care less what their sexual orientation is or what political party they claim to be affiliated with.

Bottom line, in my mind, there are certain things that are RIGHT and certain things that are WRONG. Someone stating openly, as Romney has, that if elected President he will do away with certain things and making statements that, to me, show he will cater to HIS people only is just wrong. Whenever one person or group tries to take all the power for themselves and crap on everyone who doesn't see things exactly as they do, that to me is wrong. How is it any different than a dictatorship or bullying?

At any rate, my intention wasn't to get into a political debate but to complain about my aunt N's whining and complaining all over Facebook simply because I dared to voice a different opinion than hers.

Now that I think about it though, negativity seems to be rampant everywhere these days. Perhaps it's a sign of the current economy? Whatever the case, the primary attitude these days seems to be treating others with disrespect and looking out for yourself. So many people seem so freaking touchy about the slightest thing. For example, a woman posted on an animal group on FB earlier today that she was "in need of boxer puppies". Because she didn't say she was "wanting to adopt" and/or used the word "puppies" plural instead of the singular "puppy", her shit got jumped left, right, up and down. When she dared say, "Uh...sorry. I was just looking for boxer puppies as I'm interested in getting one but apparently if I don't ask in the proper way, I'll find myself unnecessarily attacked. My bad.", she got attacked even worse. I attempted to contact her and let her know that I too had been attacked needlessly on that board very recently but she wasn't able to receive messages.

As for my own "offense" on that site, about a month ago, I'd posted saying I was looking for a puppy exercise pen. Shortly after that, we re-homed our Sibe mix puppy that we'd got and as I hadn't gotten a response to my inquiry, I forgot all about it. Well just the other day, some snarky bitch had to comment, "You just got rid of one dog and now you have PUPPIES??!!!". First off, what fucking business is it of hers even if I HAD gone out and gotten a bunch of puppies? Secondly, had she been literate or smart enough to think to check the date it was posted (though you'd think the fact that it was so far down the page would have given her some clue) she'd have noticed that I'd inquired about the puppy pen BEFORE getting rid of the pup. As if that wasn't bad enough, this bitch then went on to imply that I am some kind of puppy "flipper" who gets dogs for free and the turns around and sells them for profit. Funny, considering the lady we "sold" the pup to got him for FREE. Needless to say, between that little episode and then seeing that other lady attacked for no good reason, I left the group.

Will be interesting to see how my aunt N will respond to what I've written. I basically just stated that I wasn't singling anyone out or attacking anyone, I was simply stating my opinion like everyone else had. My GM later came back and said, "Fine. I'm going to vote for EJ (from Days of Our Lives soap opera, LOL) for President! How do you like THAT N?!!". Clearly she was trying to be silly but I'm betting my aunt N will either take her ball and go home and pout that everyone is "picking on her" or she'll come back with yet another bitchy, whiny response.

Am seriously considering quitting all social sites online entirely. Who needs the elementary school drama?

Need to comment on something...

Normally, I'd post about this over on the DoNM board but, since Danu locked the thread and since I didn't feel it appropriate to post about this over there lest it start any drama, I'm posting it here on my own blog.

Those of you who post over at the DoNM board may have received a private message recently from a poster by the name of "veryluckysallycherry". In this pm, VLSC talks about how she's sending this to warn us of Danu's malicious intents and supposed "god complex". She goes on to say how Danu has banned various people from her board without reason and that this practice is rampant and seems to be perpetrated mostly against Christians. She finishes her message by telling us that there are "many others", among whom she lists "Sweet Violet" and "Beccas12" as victims of Danu's supposed wanton banning.

This was nothing new to me. In fact, it was about three years ago now that I first heard about Violet and Becca being banned and contacted them to find out their side of the story for myself. The evidence they presented me with was somewhat compelling but it was their conviction that moved me the most. Truly, they were quite convincing. It shames me to admit that, initially, I bought into their whole "Danu is a malignant N with a god complex" delusion and even went so far as to vow to help them create a website to expose Danu. Together, several DoNM's set up camp on a FB group and went about compiling our "evidence".

It wasn't long however before I began to see many holes in their stories and supposed evidence. Still, I wanted to believe the best of them. Ever the good little people-pleasing DoNM, I was desperate to prove to them that I could be trusted and, thus, good enough to be called their friend. As more time went by however, it began to become apparent that these people were on a witch-hunt and that THEY were the narcissists, not Danu. This was confirmed for me one very horrible day.

Things were at an all-time low between my NM and me and I was right on the verge of going NC which, understandably, was causing me great emotional upset. So, seeking support, I posted about what I was feeling on the FB DoNM group. Imagine my pain and horror to find myself viciously - and most unnecessarily - attacked by some woman who had just joined the group the day previous. Trying to defuse the situation, I responded to this person by trying to clarify and said that, though it may not have been her intent, I was hurt and upset by her words. Instead of apologizing, this person attacked me again, more viciously this time and then left the group, supposedly because I had made it an "unfriendly, unsafe place to post"!

A couple of days later, I'd been pushed to my limit with my NM and went NC so was in a VERY bad place emotionally. On top of that, I felt completely blindsided and attacked by this mystery person - I was the ONLY person she'd responded to after joining the group...truly it seemed to me that she'd joined just to attack me and then run. When I voiced my fears and concerns about what had happened, I found myself attacked by the FB group - most of the members anyways - and then BANNED without reason or excuse. Despite the fact that *I* was the one so viciously attacked, *I* had been singled out as a "troublemaker" and then banned from the group, and at a time when I needed support from my "sisters" the most!

But that wasn't the end of it, oh no. "Sweet Violet" took it a step further and posted on the FB board (I know this because another DoNM who felt I'd been railroaded and judged unfairly told me of it after I was banned) that I had set up the attack myself as a means of drumming up business for my new website, a website that - remember - I had set up WITH Violet and Becca for ALL of us to run together as a place to display all of our gathered "evidence" against Danu! Truly, Violet's viciousness was about as nasty and venomous as any I've heard then or since. If that wasn't an N rage, I don't know what is.

Becca, for her part, tried to play psychiatrist with me and claimed I was just scared and was "seeing ghosts" where there really weren't any. This from the girl who I'd truly believed was a friend and had trusted. The final straw for me was when Becca attempted to try and get me to prove my loyalty to her yet again. It was having to prove my worth, having to show I was "good enough" to deserve her good treatment just as it had been with my NFOO all these years. Only this time, I wasn't having any of it and told her I wasn't interested and went my own way.

When it was all said and done, I went back to Danu, apologized for my part in the whole mess and asked for her forgiveness. Danu didn't gloat or criticize at all. Instead, she said there was nothing to forgive and she welcomed me back into her group with open arms. Doesn't sound like a malignant N with a god complex to me...?

And regarding the claim by VLSC that Danu has it in for Christians and that those banned were so shunned for expressing their beliefs.....utter and complete BULLSHIT. I am a Christian and have stated so many times on the DoNM board. I've also, albeit unintentionally, violated the rules in that regard on the DoNM board quite a few times yet, amazingly, I'm still a member and post regularly.

One final point that I find interesting - Violet and Becca were banned over THREE YEARS AGO yet continue in their mission to bring about the downfall of Danu and her site. Meanwhile, Danu has not spoken out against them or their group publicly and has, in fact, only just a few days ago, even mentioned them AT ALL. And even then, it was only to encourage everyone to research it themselves and come to their own conclusions. So I ask you, who is the real narcissist here?

It is my opinion, and you may take it and do with it what you will, that Danu is NOT a narcissist, she does NOT "have it in" for Christians nor does she ban them from her board willy nilly and that it is Violet that is the malignant narcissist with a god complex. (As for Becca, I fear she is simply a broken DoNM with many, many fleas who's fallen in with yet another N - Violet - and given herself over to her.)

I hope that if any of you have received the message from VLSC, that you will disregard it for the hogwash that it is and continue posting over at DoNM, secure in the knowledge that it is a safe forum in which to post and find support.

As for Violet and Becca, if you somehow find your way here and read this, I pray that you both are able to let go of the bitterness you continue to hold onto and find peace so that you can drop this ridiculous vendetta and move on with your lives.

DA