Tuesday, May 27, 2014

I'm back!

Good grief. It has been a while, hasn't it? So much has gone on the past year. Where do I begin?

I suppose I'll start with NM. She's continued to be quite good actually. No major complaints there. She's been kind, loving, supportive and, never thought I'd say it, but I'm just so glad to have her back in my life. Have actually done a lot of thinking and am not so sure NM is really and truly an N anymore. Not that she stopped being one but rather that she never truly was one in the first place. Yes, she's certainly done things in the past that would qualify but I now suspect her to be more narcissistic than full on narcissist.
NF on the other hand, full on narcissist. Am so sorry I ever reached out and broke NC with him as it's been nothing but hell ever since. We are currently back at NC status - his choice actually rather than mine. Things had been going okay (which isn't saying much because they were far from ideal). He'd call every few weeks or so and we'd talk for a bit, which usually involved me listening to him drone on about himself for an hour or more. It wasn't great but, at the time at least, it was something. He called me for my birthday last year in July, said he'd talk to me again in a few days or so and that was the last I heard from him.

It's now been almost 11 months and nothing. I found out through another family member that NF and my NSM were in town visiting friends. (If you'll remember, NF and NSM live out of state.) At that time, I hadn't spoken to my NF in about 7 or 8 months and hadn't seen him or NSM in over 3 years. Also hadn't spoke to NSM in those 3+ years. So I was somewhat surprised to log into my email one day and see I'd gotten a message from NSM. Of course she acted like everything was hunky dorey and we'd just spoken a few days ago. I got some bullshit story about how "busy" they are - oh, such martyrs them! - and how the reason they didn't send out any Christmas gifts for me or ds is because of them being so busy, blah blah blah. Not a single comment about missing me, asking what she could do to fix things or even a single inquiry as to how I'd been or ds was, etc. Just how they are so tired and overburdened and in need of a break, boo hoo hoo and woe is them. Had planned to call her on her bullshit and send a not so nice response but later decided not to respond at all. Just saw no point in it other than to inflame the drama that I didn't want or need. Anyway, long story short, they came and went and didn't try to contact me or meet up. Yes, I was glad in one respect that they didn't contact me further or show up on my doorstep or call to try and get me to meet with them while they were here, but.....at the same time, it was just so very painful. I'm his firstborn daughter. He hasn't seen me in years or spoken to me in months and yet he didn't even try to see me or speak to me. He drove 10 hours to come visit friends rather than his own daughter. THAT hurt. It still hurts.
I continue to have zero contact with my three siblings. For a brief period, I had occasional contact with my one half sis (HS) but apparently she is "too busy" with work and what all to so much as send me a two second email or at least call me on my birthday. When I tried to talk to her about it, she basically blew me off and said I had no right to be upset as it wasn't personal. Haven't spoken to her since.

My HB and NHS also continue not to speak to me. NM has been trying to get NHS to relax a bit and at least allow her two kids to come with NM so they can spend time with their cousin, ds, and get to know him again but NHS continues to be a bitch. She said that if I apologize to her - nevermind that I did nothing wrong, I simply stood up for a child who I had reason to suspect may be being abused - then MAYBE she'll consider it. I told NM to forget it. I wasn't going to apologize for something I didn't do and, really, after all this time has passed now, what's the need even if there HAD been something? It's been YEARS yet, as ever, NHS continues to hold grudges as if they happened yesterday. Pisses me off that NHS has the gall to state the I need to apologize but, beyond that, it's no big deal to me. Wasn't particularly wanting to rekindle that relationship anyway. Still, it would be nice to have a relationship with at least ONE of my siblings. But, thanks to N, triangulating parents, guess that isn't to be.

MIL and FIL are being okay lately. No issues or complaints presently. NBIL and NSIL continue to be their self-absorbed selves but, more on that another time.

Am planning to post a lot more from here on out. Feel as if I have some stuff to work out and writing about it has always helped in the past so, what the heck. :)