Found an amazing post today over at Emerging From Broken about difficulty crying or feeling ashamed for crying. I definitely recommend you head on over and check it out.
This is something I've struggled with for a long time now. I'll feel sad and start to cry only to have my body shut down and not be able to cry any longer. I've tried many things, including trying to stay in the moment or watching a "tear-jerker", but nothing seems to work. I simply cannot cry more than a few seconds, if I can even start at all.
After reading the post over at Emerging From Broken, I definitely think that my inability to cry is due to the message I got growing up that crying was somehow "bad" or "wrong" when I was the one doing it. It was okay for everyone ELSE to be upset and cry, but not me. When I cried, I was told to shut up or I'd be "given something to cry about". I hadn't realized it before but I find I DO feel guilty and like I burden when I'm upset or feel the need to cry. And like Darlene, I've also felt that anger aimed at myself because I'm upset. Definitely something I need to work on.
About Me
- DisturbedAngel
- I am 38 years old, married to a wonderful, loving man and the proud stay-at-home mama to a beautiful little boy. I grew up with a narcissistic mother and abusive stepfather. My half sister has always been the golden child and I, the family scapegoat who can never seem to measure up. After years of bending over backward to try and have a good relationship with my half sister, I finally severed contact in March of 2009. Then, in January of 2010, I also severed all contact with my narcissistic mother. (Updated to add that as of May 2011, I've also cut ties with my narcissistic father and stepmother as well.) Currently, I am back in contact with my NM in a limited capacity. Walking away from all that toxicity was a LONG time coming but I can't believe how much better I feel because of it. This diary is intended primarily to be a log of my journey toward healing from the abuses I've endured. I hope it will also become a place where others who've been cast as the family scapegoat or who've been the victims of a narcissist's abuse can find comfort in knowing they aren't alone.
Thank you so much for posting the link! It's very helpful, and I wouldn't have seen it otherwise.
ReplyDeleteYou are not the only one that needs to work on this. When I started counseling I could count on one hand how many times I cried and name them all. Counseling is helping me to get more in touch with what I feel. Thanks for the article, I am reading it very carefully.
ReplyDeleteI too feel this.
ReplyDeleteStrange because before my "light switched on" to my NM, I would have said I was an overly emotional person. However I've since learnt I'm not the person I thought (or was told) I am.
I find myself open for a moment, begin to cry then it just stops. I suppose it's because we aren't allowed to be upset seeing as our feelings don't matter.
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