I wouldn't say it was a good dream exactly, since NM was whining, bitching and complaining the entire time. However, for my part, I was giving back as good as I was getting and it felt AWESOME. I think maybe it was my subconscious' way of giving me a little of the closure I needed.
When NM took her ball and went home the last time we spoke, I felt a bit "robbed" afterward because I never got the chance to really stick it to her and tell her I was done putting up with her shit. I had intended to send a letter to her after that but eventually decided not to as it would only serve to fuel NM's need for N supply as well as give her some concrete evidence of my "badness" to show the rest of the family. Bad enough most of them aren't speaking to me now because they've chosen to buy NM's line of bullshit. I'll be damned if I'm going to help NM's smear campaign against me by giving her proof of my "disrespect" toward her.
Still, the whole thing's left me with a wanting to really let the bitch have it. To give it to her with both barrels and, once and for all, tell her how I've REALLY felt all these years. Since I haven't had that opportunity in real life, I figure this was my mind's way of saying, 'Here ya go.' Every single comment NM made in the dream, I had a wicked comeback for. I wasn't yelling or angry in the dream, just wickedly sarcastic and NM was getting more upset by the minute that her comments weren't having their desired effect on me.
Perhaps at some point in the future, I'll have my chance to get all this out for real but, for now, the dream will do.
DA
About Me
- DisturbedAngel
- I am 38 years old, married to a wonderful, loving man and the proud stay-at-home mama to a beautiful little boy. I grew up with a narcissistic mother and abusive stepfather. My half sister has always been the golden child and I, the family scapegoat who can never seem to measure up. After years of bending over backward to try and have a good relationship with my half sister, I finally severed contact in March of 2009. Then, in January of 2010, I also severed all contact with my narcissistic mother. (Updated to add that as of May 2011, I've also cut ties with my narcissistic father and stepmother as well.) Currently, I am back in contact with my NM in a limited capacity. Walking away from all that toxicity was a LONG time coming but I can't believe how much better I feel because of it. This diary is intended primarily to be a log of my journey toward healing from the abuses I've endured. I hope it will also become a place where others who've been cast as the family scapegoat or who've been the victims of a narcissist's abuse can find comfort in knowing they aren't alone.
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