We are in the process of trying to ready our house for sale so we can put it on the market as soon as possible. This is in large part due to financial reasons (mainly due to dh's employer who, in the past three years, have cut out insurance coverage, cut overtime AND haven't given dh a raise in over five years, meanwhile the cost of living has continued to go up) but also because we feel it's just time to move on from this house. We've found a lovely older home the next town over that is exactly what we've always wanted and are really hoping we can get it. At any rate, as I will be super busy for the next couple months, I don't know how many posts I'll be able to make and I just wanted to let you all know that I haven't forgotten about you!
Aside from trying to spruce up the house and declutter and pack, things are going pretty well at the moment. NM has actually been pretty nice and, dare I say, supportive lately. I contacted my aunt N thinking surely she must have said something to NM that had an effect on NM's behavior. Imagine my surprise to find that aunt N hadn't spoke with NM in a while, nor had my GM or anyone else. Maybe NM decided to try a new tactic?
No worries. I'm not going to just jump back into a relationship with NM because she's being nice all of a sudden. I've heard enough horror stories to know that it won't last, and/or may be just another trick. But it IS nice to have a break from the criticism and negativity for a bit.
In case anyone's wondering, I had sent NM an email a couple weeks ago saying that I needed some space right now to focus on myself. To be honest, I had expected NM to respond very critically and just go quickly downhill from there. It was nice to have NM respond with what amounted to, "Whatever you need. When you're ready to contact me again, you know where to find me." NM HAS had a few rare moments where she acts like a normal, loving mother. Like the time I was passing that kidney stone and in so much pain. NM was so nice and supportive to me those two days. It felt wonderful. Though, when it was over, it hurt to lose that brief moment of what I'd been dreaming about most of my life. At any rate, perhaps this is one of those rare moments.
I'll still check in regularly to approve any comments made and will post if/when anything happens worth posting about. Take care!
Until then,
Best wishes on this new adventure!
ReplyDeleteI think this is what is most difficult about narcissists: They can be nice, which is why those who don't deal with them regularly think the ACoN is crazy. My NM is capable of doing some amazing, wonderful things. What I finally learned is that she will never be a safe person. It is possible to interact with her, as long as I establish and maintain healthy boundaries.
uh, i don't think so. your mom sucks. end of story. my mom once touched my forehead once. it felt wonderful. i think it is more a reflection of me than of HER though (fuck her, seriously). we feel love and happiness and good things in reaction to other people. don't waste your time on people who TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THAT and DON'T RESPECT YOU and who just CAN'T SEE IT FOR WHAT IT IS. i consider it to be banking on things that have NO RETURN.
ReplyDeletei'm happy when people are nice to me, that's a fact. that doesn't mean i have to be naive or stupid or think the person is grand. just 'cause someone's cordial or 'nice' for a moment don't mean shit. things can be a lot better than that. let me tell you, there are actually people who are like that ALL the time. and i mean, ALL.
something your mother is incapable of. good people are consistently good, because it's just internal to who they are. your mom maybe gave you some illusion of goodness, by being 'kind of nice every once in a while'. this doesn't count. she probably destroyed your conception of this, but i'm starting to see that other people are different. i know, can you imagine? running without falling off cliffs. it only shows how seriously fucked up your mom is.
Good luck on getting ready to move. That is a whole lot of stress all by itself. Give your little guy lots of hugs he will be brave but moves are tough. I moved every summer for 6 years. Now I am very reluctant to budge. Wish I could help. I will send cheers and best wishes.
ReplyDelete