Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Needing a reality check here...

Am feeling pretty sure I have a right to be upset but, as you all know, sometimes it's hard to know for sure and have doubts. Here's the situation...

Without going into too much detail, NBIL posted a political "joke" on Facebook earlier today. The basic gist was that if people simply work hard enough, they can be rich too and that anyone who isn't must be lazy and not working hard enough and/or that all homeless and poor people are just looking for handouts and lazy. Generally, if I disagree with someone's political views with regard to something they post, I just scroll past and let it go. The few times I DO respond, I try to be very respectful because just as I am entitled to my beliefs, so are others entitled to theirs, right? So anyways, I chose to respond to this particular "joke" and stated that the belief that all poor people were just lazy and looking for handouts is completely ridiculous. I then added a comment that luck can change in an instant and that some people would do well to remember that as they sat on their high horses looking down their noses at people less fortunate than them.

Now, admittedly, it was a bit passive-aggressive but, given my N IL's nasty behaviors recently, I couldn't help myself. I felt and feel that I handled myself respectfully enough, despite the P/A nature of the comment. I didn't come flat out and call NBIL out and I don't feel I was nasty. A bit snarky perhaps but not nasty. Also, the way I see it, by posting his views on a public forum like FB, NBIL is opening himself up to comments. Well dh threw a fit and told me I needed to delete the last part of my comment because he just KNEW that his family was going to take offense and then poor dh would be put in the middle, blah blah. After a bit of back and forth, I told dh flat out - "Look, I am NOT deleting my comment. I have every right to express my thoughts and opinions same as your family does and I have done NOTHING wrong." Dh stormed out and went to work.

Honestly, I am so sick and tired of always being expected to tip toe around dh's family because heaven forbid we offend them in any way or hurt their feelings. I am DONE. It's always ME who is supposed to apologize or take back something I said or wrote lest it offend his family....but it's okay for THEM to talk crap about me and disrespect me. Case in point, recently (I'm pretty sure I posted about this on here somewhere) NMIL manipulated the situation and went over my head to ask dh - called him at WORK no less, despite the fact she knew I was at home - if she could take ds to a local splash pad place. Dh told NMIL to ask me but instead of doing that, NMIL ignored that and mentioned it to ds thereby putting me in a bad position because I'd already confirmed with my NM that she could visit with ds that day. So then I was put in a lose/lose position because either I told ds he couldn't go and he resented me and NM for him not being able to go or I let ds go and NMIL got her way and then NM was (quite rightfully so) upset at me. When I mentioned this to dh, he blew me off and told me to just blame it on him and said my NM would get over it. It wasn't a big deal and he could care less. (Not what he came out and said but that was his attitude about it.) But when it's HIS family or HIM being put in a bad position, all of a sudden it's a HUGE deal and I need to recognize and step off. I am SO FUCKING DONE with them and their crap!!!

When NMIL pulled this stunt dh told her that, in the future, she needed to come through ME and we agreed that if she did come to him again, he would tell her to contact ME and ask ME. Well, last night, dh gets an email from NMIL asking if "we" - meaning dh and ds - were planning to go to the county fair this weekend and, if so, she was going to get tickets. Dh DID check with me before responding but not a word was said to NMIL about needing to check with me. Once again, dh let NMIL get away with cutting me out of the picture and said NOTHING. Yet I'm supposed to know beyond a doubt that he is supposedly on MY side and backs me 100%. Yeah. I can just feel the love and support dh, thanks.

On an unrelated side note, NBIL and NSIL posted video on FB this morning of the GC grandson riding around in MY ds' toy ride-around car. Now, they know full well that ds has had jealousy issues with the GC since he arrived (and deservedly so...the favoritism is obvious) and yet it doesn't occur to them that ds, who has his own FB account so that he can play Angry Birds on there (just FYI, he is always supervised when online) might see this stupid video and be upset by it? I don't give a crap if it was NBIL and NSIL who bought it for ds, it was a GIFT and , as such is DS' car and they either a) should have called and asked if it would be okay for their brat to ride in it or b) at the very least not posted it all over FB. But instead, the favored little prince is just expected to have everything handed down to him. NMIL actually got ANGRY with me recently because I refused to just GIVE her a pair of expensive tennis shoes I'd purchased for ds when he was a baby so that the GC brat could wear them!

I don't know. Am I just being a petty bitch here or do I have legitimate cause to be upset?

1 comment:

  1. Violation of boundaries just creates the way for more violation of boundaries. It is hard when you feel like you are the only one that sees it that way. Hugs.