The trouble with IL's...

Am just feeling downright fed up lately. 


Things have always been......not good with the IL's (boy is THAT putting it mildly), particularly between MIL and I. In the beginning, it was that she was trying to always teach me how to be a "good" wife to her GC son, my dh, meaning just like her - totally subservient to her man. Truly, my dh was in college when I met him yet MIL continued to do everything for him short of bathing him and wiping his ass for him. She put his paychecks into his bank account and balanced his account, she bought things for him, she cleaned his room, did his laundry, cooked for him...she even went and bought flowers for me on dh's behalf (back when dh and I were dating) and filled out the attached card!


Once dh and I got married and he moved out, MIL was extremely intrusive. If she wasn't here on one of her many unannounced visits, she was calling non-stop. Never for anything important or for anything that couldn't wait, just to 'see what we were doing'. This understandably caused great issues between dh and I since he saw no issue with it and I grew ever more resentful of his mother's constant interfering in our marriage.


Things went from bad to REALLY bad when dh and I finally got pregnant. MIL and FIL began stopping by almost daily - totally unannounced of course since it's not like we'd be doing anything more important than their need to be in our business - and would call here at least a dozen times a day. Literally. It got so bad and began to cause me so much stress that I took to turning the phone off during the day. Of course they'd just call in the evening when dh got home from work and would turn the phone back on. Most irritating of all is how they'd ask how THEIR baby was doing that day. Truly, I felt as if I were merely the incubator of THEIR child. And it didn't get better once ds was finally born either. Rather it got even worse. Much, MUCH worse. In fact, the night I went into labor, despite dh and I telling everyone we did NOT want anyone coming to the hospital, MIL had FIL drop her off there on his way to work and she spent the entire 28 hours that I wound up being in labor (until finally having to undergo an emergency c-section) sitting in the waiting room and calling NON-FREAKING-STOP the entire time. Here I am in the midst of major contractions - 26 hours of which I went through UN-medicated mind you - and dh is busy on the phone with his damn NP's who seemed not to give a damn for what I was going through or needed at that moment.


Once ds was born and we'd brought him home, my IL's were over here constantly and always putting their noses into everything, from what we'd named ds to how I cared for him. It was nothing out of the ordinary for MIL to "drop by" and stay here for over 7 hours at a time. Once, during one of her "visits", I'd been lying in our bed with dh and the baby and got up to go to the bathroom. When I came back a couple minutes later, I found MIL lying in MY place, in MY bed with MY dh and ds! I felt gut punched at the violation. Our family bed was/is a sacred place in a way and MIL had carelessly violated that without a second thought. Truly, I think if she could have moved in and gotten rid of me completely, she'd have been in heaven.


Of course this caused many problems between dh and I. We had many a fight over the issue - my wanting to limit our contact with his P's a bit and him seeing absolutely nothing wrong with their constant intrusions. Finally however, I wore dh down enough that he agreed to go over to my IL's house with me and try to talk to his P's to get them to back off a bit. Needless to say, it did NOT go well. They clearly did not give a damn about what we were feeling and it was obvious that they felt I had put dh up to this as clearly HE would never have taken issue with their constant intrusion. Finally I'd had enough and said to them - respectfully and through gritted teeth - "Look. We get that you love ds and we love that you care so much. But what you don't understand is that, for a long time, we didn't think we'd ever have a child of our own. After three rounds of fertility meds and 6 years of trying, we'd begun to resolve ourselves that we'd never have a child of our own." It was at this point that FIL interrupted me and said, "NO. What YOU don't understand is that WE'VE been waiting for this moment longer than YOU." At that point, I was done and dh and I left.


Ds is now 6 years old and the ONLY reason they've backed off at all is because NSIL and NBIL had a baby a year ago and gave MIL free access to that child. Truly, he's more of MIL's son as she is his full-time caretaker and NBIL and NSIL can't seem to be bothered to be parents...........well, at least not unless they've got an audience to put on a show for, in which case suddenly they become "Parents of the Year". But up till that point, it was a constant battle to assert myself as ds' mother. And heaven forbid anyone dare point out that ds have anything of ME in him. Oh no, to listen to my IL's, dh immaculately conceived ds all on his own, ds has only dh's family DNA in him and I was just the convenient incubator who carried him in my womb for 10 months before going through 28 hours of labor and a c-section. In fact, if I hadn't put my foot down, MIL would have been the first to hold my child before I'd even gotten a chance to!


Once SIL came into the picture, even back when she and BIL were still just dating, it was clear she was the GC who could do no wrong. In many, many ways, NSIL is a carbon copy of NMIL. Without ever coming straight out and saying so, NMIL has told me in many ways, many times how NSIL is the sort of woman she wishes dh had married instead of someone like me. In fact, once, while on our way to drop MIL off at work (I was borrowing her car that day so I could get ds to preschool), I happened to mention to her a comment NSM had made to me about how my MIL probably would have wished dh had chosen a woman like NSIL for his wife, MIL said nothing for a few seconds and then said to me, "Well....it doesn't really matter because dh chose you, right?" And the way she said it, it was clear that she agreed 100% with NSM's comment. I felt so hurt that day. Before then, it was just what I assumed MIL felt. But, after that, there was no going back. Now I KNEW beyond a doubt how she felt/feels.


Now that NSIL and NBIL are married, whenever we have to get together for family get-togethers, it's like I might as well not even exist. NMIL and NSIL ignore me almost entirely. If I attempt to engage them in conversation or join in to what they're doing, they often stop, look at me like a disgusting three-headed insect and then go right back to what they were talking about. It's nothing for them to walk off and not acknowledge me at all.


This was the case just last Thursday. Ds had been playing t-ball with the local parks and rec league and had games Tuesdays and Thursdays. Because of my anxiety and panic attack issues, I wasn't able to attend all ds' games but as Thursday was his last game and I knew they planned to award certificates and trophies to all the kids, of course I had to be there. A few minutes before we were to leave, NMIL calls and informs us that NSIL is tagging along. Great. Normally when I'd go, at least NMIL would talk to me a little bit which would be enough to help with my anxiety somewhat but, of course, with NSIL there, I knew I might as well be there alone. And since it was a particularly bad anxiety day for me anyhow, I was really pissed.


As expected, the entire time we were there, NMIL and NSIL barely spoke two words to me. In fact, I got stuck taking care of NSIL's kid - who, while I know is innocent, admittedly I have something against because of his parents and generally don't like being around - while NMIL and NSIL sat there enjoying themselves and chatting away. Well, until a few of the other women there took notice of the baby at which point, having an audience, NSIL stepped up and had to play mommy.


Generally, now that NMIL always seems to have to babysit NBIL and NSIL's brat, ds only gets to see NMIL on Saturdays when he goes over there to visit. Ds loves to go over there because he never gets to see his "nana" anymore now that the new baby is here and because they live in the country and have a huge yard. Dh and I usually use that time to do certain errands or just to spend some time alone together. Then, on Sundays, NMIL will usually come by to visit with ds for a couple hours between morning church and evening church (yes, she goes TWICE on Sundays) but of course she has to go home and feed NFIL first lest he call her nonstop whining that he's hungry until she relents and goes back home to feed him.

Of course, selfish NSIL and NBIL enjoy free time what with being so tired from having NMIL take care of their kid all the time and often walk over, ring NMIL's doorbell, shove the baby at her and tell her they are off to wherever and will be back whenever. This especially upsets me because a) ds counts on having that time with his nana and papa since he never gets to see them hardly anymore and b) dh and I need that time to ourselves to re-charge and whatnot. They also tend to plan all their stuff on the weekends, thereby making it impossible for ds to go over there to visit with NMIL as well. A perfect example was this past Saturday.


NSIL and NBIL's kid's bday was last week. The entire family, save for dh was off Friday and dh gets off work at noon on Fridays. Could they have had the party on Friday? NO, of course not, they had it Saturday and right in the middle of the day so that it made no sense for ds to visit with his GP's. More annoying, at least to me, was that they had to make a HUGE show of it. They rented out this kids play place - ds was the only 6 year old at the party, all the other kids were around 1 year old as well - and had this huge affair, including a specially made cake from some high-priced bakery that NSIL is always raving about. Dh looked it up online and it was $300 merely to rent out the place. That didn't include all the food, cake and party favors that they bought for the affair. To each his own I suppose but, to me, it was all a big show designed to show off and make themselves look like the wonderful parents they aren't.


I, of course, did not go - much to all of their delight, I'm sure - because it was further out than I can travel currently with my anxiety issues as well as being a loud, crowded, noisy place which is a huge trigger for my panic attacks. More to the point, not one of them asked why I wasn't going or tried to persuade me to go. In fact, I might as well not even have existed at that moment for all they seemed to care. I'm sure NMIL, as always, was glad to have her entire perfect family, sans me, around her all day.


But the final kicker for me was yesterday when NMIL gave dh a Father's Day card with a gift card in it for him. What's the big deal you say? Well, let's see...for Mother's Day, I got a card that was simply signed by NMIL. No gift and no special note of caring written within like dh's card. More than that though, was that for my bday last year, I got a hastily written "Happy Birthday" on my Facebook wall, written at the very end of the day no less, whereas dh and NSIL - whose bdays happen to fall on the same day - got a special dinner, a balloon each, a card and a small gift each. My next birthday will be in a couple of weeks and I'm dreading it because of the huge NON-event it will be made out to be. If NMIL at least treated NSIL equally with me, I could handle her making more out of her son's bday. But to do so much and acknowledge NSIL all the time only to ignore me and single me out is just so very hurtful.


I told dh the other night that I'd HAD it and was done. I was going to limit my contact as much as possible with NMIL and NSIL. I wouldn't go full NC - though I'd like to - but I wasn't going to go out of my way anymore for any of them. If dh chooses to acknowledge their bdays or whatever, that is now fully on him. I want no part of it as I am sick and tired of being treated like shit, disrespected and treated like a non-entity when I'm around them.


I think what hurts the most is that I'd really hoped and expected dh's family to be the family I'd always wanted and never had. I'd hoped to find a mother-figure in NMIL and to have a sisterly relationship with NSIL. For a while, things seemed to be improving and I dared to have hope. And now it's clear that, much like my own NFOO, dh's family doesn't give a shit about me either. And why? For no other reason than I am who I am. 


It hurts so much to be hated simply for being yourself. It's so unfair. :o(

NEVER AGAIN!

My wonderful NFIL decided to do dh and I a "favor" recently by way of offering to pay us $100 if we would wash his gutters and soffits on his house. We didn't have to clean the inside of the gutters, just basically wash the exterior to get the dirt off. Dh and I figured it would take us an hour, tops, which would mean we'd make $100 for an hour's work. Not too shabby, right? So we told NFIL we'd do it. Lesson learned.


As it worked out, we showed up to NFIL's place at 10am on the hottest day so far this season - it wound up getting up to nearly 91 degrees that day - to find out that not only did he not have any of the proper tools for the job but NFIL also apparently expected us to wash the entire HOUSE (siding) as well as the gutters and soffits! Looking back, we should have told NFIL right there, "This is not what we agreed to. If you want to negotiate a price for us washing the rest of the house, fine. Otherwise, we're sticking to the original agreed-upon project." But, because dh and I are desperately in need of money lately, we took on the job.


After about 45 minutes of waiting around on NFIL to get back from getting gas - he told us not to start until he got back - and then another hour of trying to do the job with sub-par supplies, I'd had enough and called NM to see if we could borrow their pressure washer. Thankfully, they said it was fine and they only live just around the corner from my NIL's so dh and I drove over to get it. As it turned out, NM also had a scrubber brush with an extending handle so that dh and I could reach the highest parts of the house without having to go up and down the ladder ever few seconds which was another huge time saver.


It got hot outside quite quickly and it wasn't long before I had to go inside to cool down because I was feeling sick from the intense heat. I never did quite recover enough to go back outside and help so poor dh, God bless him, wound up doing the entire house by himself. And where was NFIL all this time? If he wasn't off working in his stupid garden, he was harassing dh and bitching about every little thing, saying dh missed this spot or needed to wash the house THIS way - read HIS way - instead of the way dh was doing it. Between the intense heat and the constant back and forth bickering of NFIL and dh, I was out.


What should have been an easy 1 hour job wound up being a SEVEN HOUR JOB. It was only in the home stretch on the last side of the house that NFIL finally got off his lazy ass and offered to genuinely help dh out. Of course that was only because dh was "taking too long" to finish the job! By the time we got home Saturday night, poor dh was totally wiped out. Worst of all though was that he had a very painful 2nd degree sunburn on his shoulders. We'd been in the shade for the first hour so didn't think to put on sunscreen right away - another lesson learned.


By the time it was all done, not so much as a thank you from NFIL. Figures. We felt the LEAST he could do, seeing as how it had turned into such an enormous job with us having to borrow equipment from NM for  crying out loud, that NFIL could have offered a bit more money, even just $50 more dollars but, of course, no. In fact, we only got $60 of the total amount and had to wait an extra day for the remainder.


Forward to yesterday, MIL (or should it be NMIL?) was here visiting with ds. At one point, we're chatting about poor dh - who was napping at the time - and MIL has the audacity to make a "joke" about how dh ought to have known better and put sunscreen on right away, going so far as to say that she had noticed it and knew he'd regret it. Really? Then why not SAY something, bitch?!! She then went on to say to that NFIL was "joking" about how dh is such an "indoor boy" and clearly can't handle outdoor work (read MAN'S work) outside! Talk about pissed! I said nothing to MIL at that time but I vowed to myself NEVER again will we do those people anymore "favors". Dh and I are constantly doing this or that for them. Meanwhile, the golden duo, NBIL and NSIL, sit over there next door in their big, fancy house and can't even be bothered to watch their own kid. Hell, the most "outdoor work" NBIL has ever done is sitting on his fat ass by his in-ground pool drinking a beer, yet MY dh gets insulted and after working his ass to the bone for over 7 hours and suffering 2nd degree sunburn for his efforts??! To hell with the lot of them! The next time they want something done, they can damn well HIRE someone professional to do it for them or do it themselves because THESE two doormats are officially retired!

Got an email from NEF after no contact for just over a year...

It's been just over a year since I last spoke to my NEF. In his last email to me, he basically blew me off, put all the blame on ME for our relationship being what it is - despite the fact that I was only about 11 or 12 when he last walked out on me - and told me if what I'd said was how I really felt that I should end the relationship. Prior to that, he'd also insulted me and my home by stating flat out that my home was 'too small' for his and NSM's taste and that it was 'boring' spending time at my house with me whenever they bothered themselves to visit me fit me into their vacation time with their friends who live about an hour from me. When I'd confronted him about what he'd said, he flat out lied and claimed he'd never made such a comment nor would he ever.


Since then, I have had zero contact from him save one call attempt this past April. It was the day before my DS' birthday and I had been on the phone with NM at the time (who continues to be on great behavior ironically enough) and didn't answer. Just over a month later, this past Sunday, I received this email from NEF in my inbox. The subject line read simply "cancer". Nice, eh?


Hi [DA], I have tried calling you but you did not pick up. I miss our talks on the phone. I hope all is well with you guys. I just thought you might want to know that I was diagnosed with prostate cancer at the end of March. I have been in and out of the hospital for a few months. I just had surgery on May 8. I am at home now recuperating. I hope to get back to work in 4 to 6 weeks. I go back to see the doctor on the 30th of May. I should get the results back then. God's Peace be with you! Love you guys! Dad


For the first couple seconds, I had an initial adrenaline rush of panic. About all I saw was the word "cancer" and my NEF's name and I, of course, thought the worst. Despite the fact that he's a rabid, malignant N, he's still my father and, right or wrong, I love him for that reason alone. I don't like to think of anyone dying from cancer, even if it is someone who's brought almost nothing but pain and heartache to my life. After the initial shock however, I forced myself to re-read the email and tried to be rational about it. I told myself to pay attention to the wording, that this was obviously a hoovering attempt on their part to reign me back in. I then reminded myself that many men, my FIL included, have dealt with or are dealing with prostate cancer and 9 times out of 10, it's not a big deal at all. In fact, I know of two men in particular whose doctors haven't done anything about it except to say they would "keep an eye on it". That's how little of a deal it apparently is.


More than anything, yes I'm hurt, but I'm also just angry. The way NEF's email reads to me is, "I have tried calling you but, being the disappointment of a daughter you are, you didn't pick up despite the fact that I have done nothing to deserve such treatment from you. You SHOULD know - and you WOULD know if you bothered to ever call me like a good daughter should call her father - that I was diagnosed with prostate cancer at the end of March. WOE IS ME! I've been in and out of the hospital for a few months. If you were any kind of a GOOD daughter, you not only would have known about all that is going on but you'd have been there at my side, holding my hand and comforting me. Instead, I was forced to go through it and my subsequent surgery alone. Despite it all, I am at home now recuperating. Unfortunately, I'll likely still be expected to go back to work in 4 to 6 weeks. Seems a saint's work is never done. I go back to see the doctor on the 30th of May. I should get the results then. You'd better have called me by then to find out how I'm doing or else it will prove what a horrible, rotten, disappointment of a daughter you really are. Love you guys! Dad".


Nowhere is there mention of how I might be doing or how my life is going. There is no apology for how horribly he spoke to me last or for throwing me under the bus - yet AGAIN - and trying to make ME out to be the bad guy in everything. Nowhere does he ask what he can do to make things right or to fix things between us. It's all about HIM. What HE wants. What HE needs. What HE misses or desires. And it's all strung together with a heaping dose of guilt for being such a horrible daughter and not being there for him in his time of need. Nevermind what a shitty father he's been, clearly HE doesn't deserve this and I'd better shape up and get back into line! And once again the message is loud and clear - I don't matter. He doesn't care about me, only what I can do for him.


On a GOOD day I wouldn't need this shit, this incessant N game-playing and narcissistic drama that promises only further hurt and chaos. But I especially don't need it so soon after the loss of my sweet furbaby which has hit me quite hard and thrown me for a loop. Such a loss is bad enough in and of itself but coupled with an anxiety disorder and PTSD, it's downright unbearable at times. Things ARE improving but I'm still very much grieving right now and the last thing I need is some malignant narcissist coming along and trying to put the spotlight on them in the midst of my pain and suffering.


If my NEF had approached me and said anything that could remotely be construed as caring or giving a shit, I very likely would - at the very least - give him an opportunity to say what he had to say and hear him out. But over a year of NO CONTACT whatsoever from him followed by an attempt to call and drop this bomb in my lap, the day before my son's birthday no less, and now some bullshit email titled "cancer" in which he can't even be bothered to pretend to give a shit about me and I'm supposed to what? Run up to his home state and hold his hand? Rush to the phone and call him up and apologize for being a horrible daughter? Whatever. In the words of Die Antwoord, Fok Julle Naaiers "daddy".

Sad days...

Sunday evening, our beautiful girl "Akira", collapsed due to an attack of some kind. After getting someone over to watch ds, dh and I took our big girl to the local emergency vet. They think it was some kind of stroke or seizure, most likely the latter and most likely due to her cancer having spread. While she seemed almost like her old self at the end there, we knew it was time to say goodbye.


The past couple days have been so very hard. Today is the worst though as it is the first day I've been home alone in this big, empty house. My heart is breaking and there is nothing I can do to stop it. What I wouldn't give to see that big, furry face looking up at me one more time or to be able to rub that fuzzy head. The only consolation is that my big girl isn't in any more pain.


I pray that dogs do go to Heaven and that I'll see my sweet girl again someday. Until then, I miss you so much baby girl and mama loves you, always and forever.

Had to share....

Recently discovered this kick ass music group called Die Antwoord. They describe themselves as "a fresh, futuristic, zef rap-rave crew from the dark, dangerous depths of [South]Africa". The group consists of Yolandi Vi$$er and Ninja, who are the front members/singers of the group, and DJ Hi-Tek. Their music is mostly English along with some Afrikaans and Xhosa as well. 


I have to tell you.........I am absolutely head over heels in LURVE with this group! Their beats are so tribal and the lyrics are just like totally in your face awesome. I will warn you though, for those of you who don't like cursing in music - specifically the dreaded "f" word - this group is not for you. The rest of you, click on the link and enjoy!

The recent shootings at Chardon High School in Ohio....

This news has hit me especially hard given that my half sister (the good one) and my half bro both went there and graduated not so long ago as well as because I've walked those halls and almost was a student there myself years ago. Equally disturbing to me though are those who are crying for the (suspected) shooter - 17 year old T.J. Lane - to be put to death for his crimes before he's even been tried and found guilty. 


This isn't some monster we're talking about here, it's a 17 year old CHILD who, according to reports, was bullied relentlessly at school and was an outcast and a loner. As if that wasn't bad enough, his home life was in total shambles too. His dad has a rap sheet a mile long for charges including spousal abuse - T.J. apparently witnessed his dad beat his mom on many occasions - as well as attempted murder. I don't feel it's such a stretch to believe his dad probably abused T.J. as well given that the boy was removed from his family home and placed with his grandparents who he was currently residing with at the time of his arrest. Then we also find out that T.J. had been posting cryptic poems and messages on Facebook shortly before allegedly opening fire in Chardon's cafeteria a few days ago.


Of COURSE my heart weeps for the victims of this tragedy as well as for their families and friends but I also feel so badly for the kid accused of this crime. YES, what he did was so very, very wrong and YES he needs to be held accountable and punished in some way. But I just can't help but feel that sending this kid away to prison for life or, worse, putting him to death just is NOT the answer. Would it not be far better to put him into a place where he can serve out his punishment (if found guilty) and ALSO get the psychological help he so obviously seems to need?


So many involved in this have said, "We never saw this coming." Really? I find that hard to believe given the reports that this kid's appearance and behavior did a sudden 180, that the school KNEW there were issues at home and that he'd begun acting out to the point that they'd put him into a special program for kids with behavior problems and that several people had seen his cryptic (and eventually prophetic) posts on Facebook that alluded to the chaos going on inside of this poor kid. More to the point though, how many times have we seen this same scenario play out before and yet, in each instance, the same statement is made that no one ever saw this coming.


Just my opinion but I feel we, as a nation, SERIOUSLY need to crack down HARD on the issue of bullying. Simply stating that your school has a "zero tolerance" policy isn't enough. Do they honestly think that getting in trouble - IF caught - is enough to discourage these bullies from picking on their victims? It isn't. Just a few weeks ago I was walking my son into school and witnessed two kids picking on another kid. There were teachers standing a few feet away and, for the record, this school also has a zero tolerance policy and yet, bullying obviously still occurs. I made sure to report what I'd seen and followed up to make sure the issue had been handled but the point I'm trying to make here is that simply having a policy in place doesn't work. We need to do more. I think that if it takes having metal detectors in all our schools and police officers standing watch in every hallway, then that is what we need to do. 


Of course I also think that the solution starts at home. We as parents need to get involved. We need to have good communication with our kids, we need to be in touch with what's going on in their lives and teach them - by example - how to be kind, caring, empathetic people. We need to teach them that doing anything to cause another pain or discomfort is wrong, particularly when done in the name of "fun" or "laughs". I cannot tell you how many times I've heard parents say, when told about bullying, that "that's just how kids are" or who advise "just ignore it". I've also heard many say that it's "not their business" when they witness someone being abused or bullied. I couldn't disagree more.


Bottom line, bullying IS a real issue and can have devastating effects. Unless we start taking a stand against bullying and abuse and start getting involved and speaking out, tragedies like this will continue to occur.

It's NOT just me, right?

Sorry I've been MIA for so long. Things have been crazy busy around here lately what with having the house on the market. I've also had several orders for the hand-painted signs I do. While the money is definitely nice, it's very time consuming. Anyhoo, been having some issues with MIL again and wanted your opinion on the situation.



It's to the point I am seriously considering unfriending MIL on Facebook and going LC with her as her behavior - that is to say, her OBSESSION with DN(ephew) - is driving me nuts. She talks and acts like she is the child's MOTHER rather than his grandmother. 


Exhibit A - MIL's current FB profile pic is a pic of the baby, as were her last couple pics.
Exhibit B - Multiple comments that, to me, seem as if they were written by the child's mother. For example...


1) Dh's cousin and her partner just had a baby right around the same time DN was born. Dh's cousin's status the other day read: "‎9 month photo shoot didn't go so well. It ended with (baby's name) peeing on the dog bed. Trying again this weekend." MIL commented, "I hope you are keeping a journal.Make a great gift for him later in life."


2) The same person posted "I kinda feel sorry for the dogs when (baby's name) is cruising about the house in his walker." later that same day in another status. MIL's response to that one was, "My feet have to move real fast when (DN's name) drives his around !!!!"


3) BIL and SIL's had a professional photographer take some family pics. This photographer recently had a contest which was carried out on FB and involved people having to vote for the pic they liked the best by commenting and/or liking said pic. The way MIL was promoting the pic of DN, you'd think it was SHE that would win if his pic was chosen. Every day there was no less than a dozen posts to "Don't forget to vote for (DN's name)!". Dh and I never had any pics of DS in any contests but, regardless, MIL has NEVER gone to such great lengths with DS' pics, nor has she EVER had one of his pics as her profile pic. (Though if she did ever, we'd ask her to take it down.)


Exhibit C - DS recently borrowed a digital picture frame from MIL. As he was excitedly showing us the frame and how it worked, all I was able to notice was that of the two dozen or so pictures on there, only TWO were of MY son and, even then, they were of DS HOLDING DN! Evidence of favoritism much?


On top of that, MIL has been making a HUGE deal out of being a grandma lately. There are multiple quotes daily about how wonderful it is to be a grandma and how "blessed" she is to have grandchildren, etc. Again, this huge a fuss was never made - especially so publicly - when DS was born. But now that DN is here, suddenly there are posts all over FB like the one that reads, "I used to think I was too old to fall in love again but then I became a grandma." Ugh, where is a vomit smiley when you need it?


It just seems wholly inappropriate to me. If MIL isn't acting like DN's mother than she's going on and on ad nauseum that she's SO happy to be a grandma, as if it's the first time she's had the honor when my DS has been in the picture for nearly 6 years now. There is definite and blatant favoritism for the new baby and my DS has begun to pick up on it. 


I've had to deal with her favoritism for several years now ever since DSIL came into the picture. It's not that I exactly mind that MIL (every time I type that I add an N in there...coincidence? LOL) feels closer to SIL. After all, MIL and SIL are more alike. It's not that MIL is closer to SIL exactly, it's that it's done to the deliberate EXCLUSION of me. Like a few years back, MIL and FIL apparently decided they weren't going to do anything special for mine, dh's and the other adult children's bdays. At least that's what MIL told me when my birthday had came and went that year with zero acknowledgment from her. Which was fine......only when it came time for SIL and dh's bday, which falls on the same day, (and on BIL's bday as well) something WAS done. It was just ME who was left out. Okay, to be "fair", I DID get a brief acknowledgement on Facebook the following year but that was it. Dh and SIL (and I strongly suspected then and now that dh was included only because their bdays fell on the same day) got a dinner "party", cake and balloons and other stuff.


And now that the golden girl has given MIL another grandchild, MIL's favoritism is carrying over onto my son. Of course it doesn't help that MIL has free reign over BIL and SIL's baby in a way she never had with mine. *I* was DS' mother and I never let MIL forget it which clearly infuriated MIL to no end. To me, that was how it SHOULD be since, *I* was his mother that meant *I* should be the one taking care of him. MIL always seemed to have a problem with that and tried to step in and interfere whenever she saw an opportunity. Unfortunately for her, I was always quick to nip it in the bud or get dh to do something about it. But with DN, BIL and SIL are happy to hand him over every chance they get. Truly, I wonder why they went to such lengths (they had infertility issues and had to spend thousands of dollars on treatments to get pregnant) and spent so much money if they couldn't be bothered to raise the child and spend time with him. They both work full time so MIL keeps DN all day while they're at work. That part I have no issue with. But then when they are off work, MIL STILL generally has DN about 95% of the time because SIL has her church things or girls' nights out and BIL doesn't want to be saddled with watching the baby alone so he calls MIL and she walks over there to get the baby (BIL and SIL live right next door to my IL's) and keeps him for however long. Or BIL and SIL want to go shopping or go out and have MIL watch the baby. Or if SIL has to go out of town on business, which happens somewhat frequently, MIL actually either goes over there and spends the night to take care of the baby or brings him to her house until SIL is back from her trip.


As if that wasn't enough evidence of MIL's obsession with DN, this past Christmas, MIL spent the ENTIRE TIME we were there following DN around and fawning all over him while poor DS was mostly ignored. DN even got more/bigger presents from MIL. It was a disgusting spectacle to watch and I was extremely glad when it came time to leave. DS also seemed happy to leave, which was a change from crying because he didn't want to leave as he'd done in the past.


I've tried discussing things with dh and while he seems to be coming round the tiniest bit, for the most part he continues to insist that I'm seeing things that aren't there, that that's not the case and there is no favoritism or that's it's just my "past issues" clouding reality. Presently, I don't feel pushed to limit DS' time with them as he's been doing that himself. More often than not lately, when MIL calls to ask if he wants to come over, DS will say he doesn't want to go. MIL has tried to bribe him at times and DS still insists he doesn't want to go. Either that or I've noticed he'll go and then come home really early. In past years, I've gently pushed DS to go. NOT ANYMORE. Thankfully, dh at least agrees on that point with me and hasn't made any efforts to push DS to go when he doesn't want to. (If he did, I'd surely fight him on that.)


So what do you all think? Honestly, IS it just me? AM I over-reacting or is there a genuine cause for concern there? Do you see reason to unfriend MIL and go LC with her or would that also be over-reacting?


You know, I remember when DS was just born. MIL would buy DS these clothes that looked straight out of the 70's, which not so coincidentally was the time period dh was born in AND which looked a LOT like several of the outfits that I'd seen dh wearing in his baby pictures. That and other instances - like her complaining that she NEEDED time with my DS to "bond with him" - made me feel like MIL was trying to re-create her experiences with dh when he was a baby and relive her mothering days. She even took to calling DS "(dh's name) junior" for a time. (I quickly put a firm end to that crap.) She tried to set things up so she could pretend that DS was HER son and I didn't allow that to happen and now she's doing it with BIL and SIL's son only they seem perfectly happy to let her. That child spends SO much time with MIL and FIL that, mark my words, he WILL grow up to believe that THEY are his parents. Wouldn't surprise me if DN's first word was "mama" only he was talking about MIL instead of his actual mother!


Is it me or is this bitch (MIL) freaking crazy and obsessed?