Monday, April 25, 2011

Finally heard from NF...

And here's what dear ole dad has to say:

DA, I'm sorry it took me this long to reply. I had a busy Holy Week last week. Plus I never respond immediately because I do not want to respond emotionally. NSM and I have put forth alot of effort over many years to keep a loving relationship with you and your family. We are sorry about what you went through after your mother kidnapped you and took you down to (home state). We tried very hard to get you back up here but everyone was against us. Your mother, the court, your mom's family, and yes unfortunately you too in the end. We still want to have a relationship with you!!! But, I do not think it is fair to  equate me with your mother!! Our relationship is UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!!!! It is not CONDITIONAL AS YOU THINK IT IS. We do not judge you!  As for what I said about your house, I do not remember exactly what I said but, I would never say anything bad about any of my children's houses or lives. If that is the way you took it then I am sorry. I do not lie to my children either. If this letter is how you really perceive NSM and I then I would say that we should end this relationship!!! I am not your mother or NSJ or NHS!!!! I do not like being told what you think NSM and I wanted to do with ds. We just wanted to take him out to buy him some gifts for his birthday and maybe get some food then head back up to (friend's town). You were not fine with us taking ds out shopping. It actually reminded me of the stipulations your mother put on me when I picked you up for visitations. This is not meant to be mean!! You told NSM ds doesn't know us very well. I remember ds hanging all over us when we have been to your house. He even knows our voices on the phone. DA, you are a very intelligent woman, a good mother, a good wife, but you seem to hate me and NSM. I do not know why? We have always supported you. A relationship goes both ways. NO STIPULATIONS! Jesus Christ is our example of how we are to act toward each other. NSM and I are not perfect. We make mistakes. We try very hard to be there for our children.  Support them, encourage them, love them. You are included!! Dad


a) What the hell does my NM "kidnapping" me have to do with anything? Though I LOVE how I'M to blame yet again for the fact that NM and NSJ moved NHS and I down here when we were very young children.

b) No one is equating THEM personally with my NM, rather it is their BEHAVIORS we are equating and anyone and everyone who knows NM and what has been going on with NF and NSM says how much alike they all are acting.

c) I like how he tells me I am WRONG and then says just after how "they don't judge me". LOL Yeah. Okay then.

d) "If that is the way YOU took it then I am sorry". Not, not, NOT an apology!!! This is a fauxpology! He might as well have said, "Sorry you're such a sensitive, irrational bitch."

e) If this is how I perceive them then I should end the relationship? Will do, "daddy"! Thanks for the OUT!

f) Have NO idea whatsoever what the hell he's talking about when he says he doesn't like being told what I thought he and NSM wanted to do with ds as I never made a comment to that effect?

g) "You were not fine with us taking ds out shopping." Never said I was. What I SAID - and what you would have heard if, again, you ever LISTENED - was that I had no problem with ALL OF US taking ds out shopping. 

h) As for ds supposedly being all over them, ds is not "all over them" and has never been at any point. He's only ever seen them two or three times that he can remember, being that he's only just turned 5 and, like most children his age, he's quite social and will talk to anyone who gives him the time of day. However, being comfortable talking socially and being comfortable going out alone for the day shopping and then to eat are two COMPLETELY different things. And, like it or not, as ds' MOTHER, I have EVERY RIGHT to say who I want him to go out with and who I don't and I DON'T HAVE TO GIVE ANYONE AN EXPLANATION FOR IT EITHER.

i) So now I'M just like my mother? The woman they've both made it CRYSTAL clear over the years that they hate? LOL He only threw this out to get back at me for implying he was behaving like my NM because he knew - or thought he knew - that it would get under my skin.

j) HOW in the HELL would anyone infer from anything I've written to them that I supposedly hate them???! Are they on CRACK or what??! I mean, really. How many times did I state that I loved them both and wanted to work things out yet they infer from my messages that I am not only seeking to ATTACK them but that I HATE them as well?? If I didn't know how effed in the head they both are, I'd be looking around for the "Punk'd" crew to jump out right about now...

k) "We have always supported you." Again, please show me ANYWHERE in either of their responses evidence that would support this? All it is is THEIR pain, THEIR suffering, how I'VE supposedly hurt THEM and then they both go on to detail all the many ways I am wrong or bad or otherwise a disappointment. THIS is being supportive? THIS is "UNCONDITIONAL LOVE"?? I don't think so.

l) "A relationship goes both ways. NO STIPULATIONS!!!"? Translation - YOU do not get to tell US how you wish to be treated. WE will treat you how WE wish to treat you, WHEN we wish to treat you as such. Any comment from you or attempt to demand respect, etc. will be seen as selfish, disrespectful behavior as well as a direct attempt to CONTROL us and will NOT be tolerated!!

m) I'm not even gonna go there on the whole religious comment he made. These two are the FARTHEST things from REAL Christians I've ever seen or had the displeasure to know and it makes me SICK that my NF is a preacher and has access to leading those poor people. I mean, the man used to wear SURGICAL GLOVES when giving Holy Communion to his BLACK parishioners. Nuff said? I think so.

n) "We make mistakes". YOU DO? First I've ever heard of this. According to NSM, they are perfect parents.

o) "You are included." Again, REALLY? And where is the evidence of that statement because I have yet to see anything remotely close and I know for a fact that my other two siblings would agree with me 110%. These two are so full of SHIT that the whites of their eyes are stained BROWN.

I'm going to handle him just like I've chosen to handle NSM, by not responding. And really, what the hell does one say to crap like this? I imagine it's like trying to have a rational conversation with Charles Manson. NSM and NF are batshit CRAZY and I will be SO glad to be finally and truly done with them both and not have to be exposed to this crap anymore!

Good riddance to bad (and batshit crazy) rubbish!!!


  1. I am sorry you got such a lousy response. If I were writing a letter from a 3rd perspective I think I would say,"Excuse me, EF your response is all about you and you are still not listening to your daughter. The correct response... I am sorry anything I said was hurtful. How can we work out a relationship that respects your boundaries?" And pulling the Christian card saying they can do anything they want is pure BS. The scripture I remember is Love thy neighbor AS THYSELF. They are expecting you to disrespect yourself just as they are disrespecting you. I get so furious when anyone uses Christ to manipulate and put down others. I have been exposed to this kind of garbage before and sorry to hear some was shoveled your way. Bravo for watching out for DS. I am super impressed. I am always so stunned when adults expect small children to do their bidding without any consideration to the fact that unless they are seen often, they really are strangers still.

  2. Amen, Sister:D I totally agree with you. Take your "father" up on his offer to cut off the whole relationship. I wouldn't EVER answer or in any way acknowledge this poisonous letter.

    PLEASE DON'T WASTE ANOTHER MOMENT on this *male person* who thinks you're dumb enough to fall for his s**tload of a poor excuse for fatherhood!! Chin up, eyes straight ahead and march whistling a happy tune till you're FAR, FAR away from Daddy Dearest and his equally awful Wife #2. Shame on them!

  3. Oh DA, I feel your frustration. My FOO are professional word manipulators also and masters at deflection. They have the uncanny ability to put words into my mouth that I never uttered or thought to uttered. Projection. It's crazymaking at it's finest.

    I have learned that dialogue with them is always a battle and one I will never win with them, so why try. But try I did. Very painful. Not worth it, in the end.

    Good riddance indeed!

  4. UGH, this is the reponse that he waited to give so he wouldn't react emotionally???? Yipers.

    Yeah, I got the line about my female donor from my male donor as well. I think I got the line in reverse from my female donor too.

    So sorry about this. I hope better for other people's relationships than mine with those people they got stuck with.

    What he is describing is not "unconditional love" but "unconditional control" over you. I did not at all get that you hated them from your reasonable and thought out correspondence. I think you are right on with your thoughts about this.

  5. I really hate how he said you remind him of your mother. That really hurt me on your behalf. "we're not perfect, we make mistakes" - blah blah blah, same old brush off.

    Peace and affirmation to you, this sucks!

  6. Forgot to mention. I just about gagged reading: "I had a busy Holy Week..." He's been *busy* abusing you before, during and after Holy Week. What an evil hypocrite!! Please keep ignoring him.