Saturday, April 9, 2011

Majorly in need of support today...

Been a VERY rough couple of days. For starters, I haven't felt good. My IBS has been acting up (likely due to all the freaking stress) and my stomach has felt AWFUL. On Thursday morning, MIL got a call while she was here and found out her mother had fallen and been taken to the hospital. MIL got another call shortly after that where her niece told her that her M was unresponsive. MIL rushed home and she and FIL went to SC where her mom lives. MIL called later on to tell us that her M had apparently suffered a rather sizable brain hemorrhage and was in ICU. Forward to Friday, I called to check in at around noon and FIL answered and said they were finishing up the paperwork in order to take dh's GM off of life support. When dh spoke to MIL last night, MIL said that - for whatever reason - they'd decided to wait until this morning to turn off life support. It's not good news though as we were told yesterday by FIL that the doctors had said dh's GM was officially brain dead.

The funeral is expected for Monday or Tuesday. Since I can't travel due to this damned anxiety (not to mention my stupid stomach issues this week), that means dh will be going out of town with BIL and SIL on the day of the funeral. I think I've mentioned before that I do NOT handle dh going out of town well AT ALL. I have severe separation anxiety and am already beginning to freak out about it.

I also mentioned earlier this week (or maybe last week) that NSM and my dad were due in town this week. They came into my state yesterday and were supposed to be coming over today. Well, I called NSM when I found out about dh's GM to see if dh had to spend the night out of town if she and my dad could maybe stay the night with me. Stupid, I know. But I wasn't in my right frame of mind. I was panicking at the thought of being here alone with ds all night and dh being in another state, 3 1/2 hours drive away, etc. Anyways, naturally, NSM seemed majorly put out that I might interfere with her stupid vacation plans and added that dh's GM might linger on for a week or more. Nice, eh? Then she launched into chastising me about how I needed to go with dh. I told her dh and I had already talked about it and dh was cool with me staying home since I would remain back at the house anyway even if I went because we feel ds is too young to go to a funeral. THAT caused NSM to launch into me about how ds "needs to learn about these things" and that it's "a part of life" and how SHE took ME to a couple of funerals when I was ds' age - ds will be 5 later this month - blah blah yadda yadda. The way dh and I see it, ds is only 5 years old. He has a LIFETIME to learn about death and pain and suffering in the world. Why be in such a rush to expose him to it now? More to the point, ds is a very sensitive child and I fully believe that he'd be far more traumatized by going to a funeral than he would learn anything from it.

Forward to yesterday, NSM calls to find out what the update is, if any, about dh's GM. I told her the deal and she said nothing so I went on to add that dh had plans to drive down with BIL and SIL on that day and then come back the same day, later in the day. At that point NSM excitedly blurts out, "OH! Well THAT'S good!" Clearly she was nothing but relieved that dh's GM's death wouldn't interfere with her stupid vacation. Mind you, not a WORD about how she was sorry to hear about dh's GM or any inquiry how dh (or me) were feeling, etc. Just relief that she didn't have to put herself out to stay with me overnight when she'd obviously rather be with her friends. As if that's not bad enough, she then has the gall to ask if this will interfere with their plans to visit us today. WTF?!! Seriously??!! I felt like saying to her, "You know NSM, I'm just so very sorry that dh's GM deciding to DIE today has interfered with your precious vacation time!" and then hanging up on the bitch. Instead I told her that since the funeral wouldn't be until Monday or Tuesday, Saturday should still be fine. Granted, we might not feel like going out all over town shopping as planned, but they could still come by the house and visit.

NSM called this morning as dh, ds and I were on our way out the door to hit up a big yard sale down the road. She asked if today was still okay to visit and I said yes, it was fine and asked if they were still planning to be here around noon. She then said that they were tired and thinking of coming Monday instead. I told her that Monday wouldn't work as ds has school and I just generally have a lot to do during the week, etc. NSM asked for dh's

Which brings me to now. I don't want them here on Tuesday or on any other day during the week this coming week. NSM has switched plans on me about 5 times now. First they were coming the first week of April, then it was the second week, then back to the first. Then they were coming during the week, then it was Sunday. Then, just a couple days ago, she says they'd be coming today - Saturday - instead of Sunday. And now it's fu*king Tuesday they'll be here. I honestly don't want them here AT ALL at this point and I especially don't want them here with dh being out of town. On a "good" visit with them it would be too stressful given that I'll already be freaking out with dh being out of town but add to it all the crap that's been going on the past few weeks with NSM and I REALLY, REALLY don't want them here. I also don't like being alone with them because they are both bullies who know that, if they keep pushing me, I'll eventually back down and give them their way if only to get them off my back. I don't trust myself alone with any of my four parents really and I feel like NSM picked the day she did because she knows dh will likely be out of town and she can push her agenda, whatever it may be, on me.

As of right now, I just feel like crying............and/or throwing up. I hate NSM for being such a pushy, nasty bitch, I hate my dad for not speaking up and making plans with me himself instead of letting NSM call ALL the shots and I hate myself even more for not having the courage to stand up to her and tell her, "Actually NSM, Tuesday won't work for me. Weekdays are busy for me and it's just not gonna work. If you can't make it today, then perhaps Sunday. Otherwise, we'll just have to catch you next time you're in town."

This weekend totally SUCKS arse. Oh, and as I was typing this, FIL just called. Dh's GM just died about 30 minutes ago. :o( Yeah, this weekend definitely sucks.


  1. I'm sorry for your dh's loss, and I think you DO have the courage to speak up for yourself, and support you in that. It's tricky, especially if they've done you any favors but you still have the right to set boundaries on your home, your son and your own self.

    Picture these yokels on the can when it gets really bad. That might provide some comic relief and a reality check. They're human, not superhuman like they seem to think.

    Then say to yourself "I CAN DO THIS, and it's going to turn out GREAT." Who cares what they think? Your home is your castle and your sanctuary. The sooner this *itch on wheels gets a clue to that the better off everyone will be! Sounds like you have the support of your dh and that's good. {{hugs}} -

  2. ((BIG HUGS...... Really BIG hugs!))

    Okay, take a deep breath. Let it out.

    Think about this.... While it might be stressful even considering it, calling dad (leave a voicemail?)and telling him, "Hey Dad, Tuesday isn't a good day either. I'm not feeling well, I've got a lot going on right now, so lets just plan on getting together next time you're in town."

    If you want to make it sound like you are doing this for them... "I don't want to bring you down on your vacation."

    A little added stress right now will release/prevent a lot of the stress that you will feel later when/if they show up for a visit. You can still be a nice/good girl and say "NO." It's okay to look out for you and ds.

    Then lock the damn door on Tuesday and don't answer it. If they don't understand that 'right now' isn't a good time, then tough shit.

    More Hugs-

  3. My condolences on the loss of GM. And I am so sorry you are having to put up with this insanity. IBS is bad enough without adding anything else! Take care of YOU! I hate when I feel like have to give excuses instead of being able to simply say, "No."

    Number One Nut's idea really works. I've used it. Make it all about them. You don't want to put them out, and you'd hate for them to go to all the trouble to show up and you wouldn't be up to enjoying their company. I try not to lie, but when the person you are trying to communicate with won't do anything but lie, you have to speak their language. Besides, it's true. They wouldn't have a good time if you weren't feeling well enough for them to bully and boss around. You are a bright, intelligent person, and you are learning to handle this lunacy.

    And more hugs.

  4. (((((Cyber hugs)))))
    My recommendation go ahead and cry or throw up what ever gets some of the stress out is a start. I am sorry for the loss of dh's grandmother. That is tough on any day. I am sorry you are having NSM constantly changing her plans. I know for me that constant changing is extremely difficult on a good day just about unimaginable on a bad day. I agree with NON and joyfulalivewmoman setting your own boundaries for you and ds is good. I also understand how hard it is to break a life time of habits. I am the type of person that will do something for my children that I won't do for myself. Perhaps that can help you too, you are doing this for ds. You are having a really lousy weekend. I am proud of you for reaching out. Wish I could hug you in person you deserve a comfort hug.