My aunt N and GM were supposed to be coming into town today. The plan was that they'd swing by and visit with me for the day before continuing on to NM's house where they'd spend the next couple nights before heading back home Thursday morning. Well, I got an email from my aunt N at around 11am this morning saying that they unfortunately had to cancel the trip. Apparently my GM woke up this morning claiming she was feeling dizzy and just generally unwell so my aunt N said she'd contact NM and I to let us know they were canceling the trip. However, aunt N suspects GM of playing games and faking apparently as she claims GM perked up and miraculously "felt better" once the trip was called off. Not sure what is up with that but aunt N promised to write more to me later about it.
On the upside, aunt N said that she'll be coming down in a couple of week by herself to visit and that, since GM won't be with her, maybe she could stay in town longer.
With aunt N coming at around the same time NSM and my dad are supposed to be in town, I contacted NSM to try and nail down exactly when they were coming so that I could plan accordingly as we were planning to have ds' birthday party while they were here. NSM was her usual bitchy self, said that they were coming either the 8th or the 9th of April and would stay through the following Friday. She went on to say that they would come to see us on that Sunday - mind you, no asking if that day was convenient for us, just telling me when she'd be here - and then went on about how she wanted to go all over town to take ds here and there to shop for birthday gifts. Then she wants to take him to Chuck E. Cheese - not to eat, just to play for a bit - and then says we can all go out for dinner someplace.
Now, first and foremost, I don't go "all over town" and I especially can't be out that long as so much walking makes my back hurt something fierce. Furthermore, I don't do Chuck E. Cheese due to the crowds and noise - same goes for ds - as well as due to the fact that it's near a large mall here in town. Anyone who lives around here knows that you avoid that part of town like the plague on a weekend due to the insane (and I do mean INSANE) traffic in that area because of the mall. Lastly, I don't go out to eat anywhere. Partly due to my anxiety issues but also because, since changing my diet for the better about a year ago, I can no longer tolerate a lot of foods which results in bad gastrointestinal issues, if you catch my drift.
NSM knows all these things but, I'm guessing, just doesn't care. Never in my life have a met a couple of ruder people. Honestly, they blow into town, generally on short notice, and announce they can only make it over on one day and then just expect us to cater to their every whim without the slightest care or concern about whether or not it's something WE want to do or can afford or whatever. I wouldn't DREAM of going to visit someone, family or otherwise, and just expect them to turn their entire lives/routine upside down to accommodate me. But, then, I'm not a narcissist.
Oh, I almost forgot. NSM basically all but came out and said that a) she didn't want to do a party for ds' birthday and b) that she didn't want me to invite dh's family over because "she and dad just wanted to visit with us and ds and didn't want to have to share ds with dh's family". Now, on the one hand, I can understand how they'd want their own time with ds without dh's family around since they are coming from out of state to see him, all the more so since dh's family gets to see ds all the time. But holy overstepping of boundaries, Batman! As if it's NSM's place to tell me when to have a birthday party for MY son and who to invite!
I told dh that we could decide together whether or not to have the birthday party that weekend. As for NSM's other plans for that day, she can go suck eggs. We will be eating something at home prepared at home by me. If NSM and my dad want to order in, then that's fine but we will not be going out anywhere. I'm fine with going to one store - say, Target or Walmart or whatever this side of town - to let ds shop for a gift for his birthday but I'm not going anywhere near the mall, Chuck E. Cheese or that side of town. If NSM and my dad don't like it, they can either just deal with it or stay at their friend's house and not come at all. Bottom line, I am DONE catering to them.
Just to be clear, I have ZERO problem being a gracious hostess for my guests and I do the same for anyone who comes here. But there's also such a thing as being a gracious guest and NSM and my dad are just too much. You don't blow into someone else's home expecting to take over total control and have everything go YOUR way, at least I don't. That's just disrespectful and I refuse to tolerate it anymore.
MIL actually had the gall to expect that she'd come by to visit with ds as usual before work even though my out of state guests would be here! When I attempted to compromise and told her she was welcome earlier in the day before my guests arrived, she said that she had to be at work at 3:00 pm today and "wouldn't take up much of their visitation time with ds"!!! I again told her she was welcome before the company came to which she replied she had a hair appointment that morning. I told her that was too bad and I guessed we'd just see her the following day on Wednesday.
Forward to this morning, MIL called at least a half dozen times to speak to ds to tell him how much she missed him. At one point, she asked to speak to me and said that if my company arrived and left early to let her know so she could come by to visit ds before work. I told her that even if they arrived early, I sincerely doubted they'd be gone before 3:00 pm and repeated we'd see her the following day.
Honestly, I just don't get this woman's over-attachment to my son! I mean, really, WTF??! It's not like she was going out of the country for a couple months and wouldn't see him, we're talking about ONE DAY.
I have to say, I'm REALLY looking forward to my SIL and BIL's baby being born and MIL taking over full care of the baby during the day. I think it will be good for her to spend some time apart from ds as well as for him to be spending his days in school with kids his own age. Though, I have to day, while ds enjoys his "nana" coming to play with him, he's not the one freaking out if she goes out of town for a weekend or can't come by every day. He'll occasionally make a comment that he wishes nana was coming over to play with him that day but, for the most part, he doesn't seem to care all that much. It's my MIL, the supposed adult, who freaks out and goes through withdrawals if she can't see him every single day. Sheesh.
This is why I lived hundreds of miles away from my NM while my kids were growing up. I am very impressed by the boundaries you are setting. I hope you get to have a wonderful visit with your aunt when she comes. Take care.
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