Friday, March 25, 2011

Finally, some GOOD news!

Was talking with my aunt N last night via email and she revealed that she and my GM are coming down next week for a quick visit! They will be staying with NM and had planned to come by and visit with me after leaving NM's but, after rethinking it, were afraid NM would whine about wishing she could come with them and/or follow them in the hopes of catching a glimpse of me and ds, SO....they decided to come and see me first. They will be here sometime early Tuesday, spend the day with ds and I (and hopefully dh) and then go on to NM's house where they will spend the night and the following night before heading home Thursday morning.

I am so excited they are coming! I can't wait! One thing that really struck me though was, when I think of my aunt N and GM coming for a visit, I feel only anxious excitement. That is, the GOOD kind of anxiety. Totally unlike what I feel when I think of my dad and NSM's impending visit - tense, stressful anxiety that makes me feel almost afraid and looking for a way to get out of the visit. When that realization hit me, I was like, "Wow. That speaks volumes, doesn't it?"

I guess that the happy anxiety I feel when I think of my aunt N and GM visiting is how it's supposed to feel when you hear family will be coming. Makes me realize just how dysfunctional my relationships with my dad and NSM actually are. :oS


  1. What you're feeling does speak volumes. Like Alice Miller so aptly said: "The body never lies." Can't say the same for our N parents, can we;)

    It's so awful that as children we were forced to push down our painful feelings about our parents. I find it disgustingly ironic that they caused the pain AND enforced the "don't tell me you feel any pain" rule. Sick and twisted!

    I'm sooo relieved and happy to not see or hear my N parents for the last 1 1/2 years:D *IF* they ever get their act together, not holding my breath, they know how to reach me. 50 years of me parenting them is 50 years too many.

    It's gotta be so validating that your Aunt N and GM re-planned their upcoming visit, so you come first and your NM's ability to torment you is nixed in the bud:D Have a super duper time with them next week!!

  2. Sounds like a great visit. I am impressed by their consideration to come see you first. Sometimes the comparison is sad yet it is also a reminder that it really isn't you.