Thursday, March 17, 2011

Found out why NM called...

Apparently, some app that I had used a long time ago on Facebook recently sent out a bunch of spam emails claiming to be from me, that I wanted to add (person's name) to my family list. Not sure why it did this out of the blue and am even more unsure why it was asking for acceptance from people who were already on my list but apparently, according to my aunt N, NM received one of these emails and thought maybe I was opening a door to her or whatever.

In all honesty, I feel kind of bad in one regard that NM may have been misled or hurt in some way by the spam email. I really don't feel any need to hurt her at this point as I've pretty much let go of most of my anger toward her. Still, I'm hesitant to break NC to explain the situation to her because I don't want her to think that a door is being opened and that it's now okay for her to contact me.

As I sat soaking in a hot bath last night, I found myself thinking of the situation. With NM, it's not exactly a "Jekyl/Hyde" type of thing because they were more like two separate people. In NM's case, it's more like she is two people simultaneously - on the one side we have a small, weak woman who is in a lot of pain while on the other, we have this nasty, evil, hateful creature of a woman who thrives on others' pain. It's the first "personality" or whatever that I find myself feeling sorry for and wanting to contact to explain to.

Not sure what I'll wind up doing at this point. So far, I know I don't want to be the one to contact her first but am thinking I may make a single allowance for her should she email me or call me again. Don't know what I'd do in the moment though. Could be I'd panic or react completely differently then versus how I feel now. Whatever the case, I'm trying to focus on what *I* want and remain true to myself.


  1. Good ol' facebook! I'm thankful that NM is not computer saavy at all to bother me there - so I feel your pain right now at the FB mishap. :(

    BTW - this is b-rizz from DoNM site. :)

  2. That is a possibility. My children felt frustrated often when they felt like they were dealing with more than one person. Then we found out they were. I integrated 5 personalities to one about 2 years ago. This may be something you are dealing with. Not a diagnosis by any means but it might help make sense of the craziness. My sister was deeply relieved to find out I had DID (Dissociative Identity Disorder.) She told me that put my behavior in that framework made a lot more sense. I can totally understand your concern about the wisdom of contacting her. Congratulations on letting go of the anger. Hope my comment helps.