Not much to do with N's really but I just needed to vent a bit.
The first gripe has to do with my SM and dad who will be visiting next month. They live up north and I in the south with several states between us. For me to drive there or they here, it's about a 9 hour drive.
Anyhoo so, according to SM, they are going to be coming down for a visit around the second week of April. They will be staying with friends a couple towns over - about a 45 minute to an hour drive from me. In talking with SM on the phone the other day, she says to me, "Your father and I just really need some rest and relaxation so, we'll probably be spending most of our time with (their friends' names) and only get down to see you for the party that weekend." (We're celebrating ds' birthday early since they can't be here on the actual date.) So, in other words, they are coming ALL this way and driving 9 hours............just to see me for a few hours the day of the party??? How much time am I going to get to spend with them while trying to host a party for my (soon to be) 5 year old? It's even more upsetting because the last time they came down, nearly a year ago, I didn't get to spend any time with my dad because he was busy helping dh replace the shower fixture and they kept having problems with leaking, etc. so as soon as they were finished, he and SM left.
On the one hand, I'm really hurt and pissed. Because they live so far away - and because my anxiety/panic issues keep me from traveling up to see them - I rarely get to see them. I missed about 15 years of having my father in my life growing up, in large part due to NM and NSJ, and now because of distance, I'm lucky to see them once every 3 years or so. And if that trend continues, with my dad being 60, I've got - what? - maybe 8 or 10 visits with him left?
On the other hand, SM can be a pain and highly annoying - then again, so can my dad from time to time - when they are in close proximity to me, such as during visits. It's why dh and I got rid of the spare bed in the guest room and turned it into an art studio - because they were so annoying and overbearing a few times ago when they came to visit and stayed with us. Part of it is that they have N tendencies (though aren't full on NPD I don't think) but it's also just a major difference in personalities. They are the sort of people who have their day planned out ahead of time and like to always be on the go. Dh and I, we are total homebodies and like to just lounge around home and watch a movie or sit and talk or whatever. Totally the opposite of my SM and dad.
Still, it hurts and angers me that they're coming all this way and will be in town for a week, week and a half and I'll likely only see them for the one day, and only a few hours at that.
Moving on to gripe # 2...
When FIL's mother passed away a few years ago, she left a lovely sideboard/hutch piece of furniture to MIL as MIL had always liked it. However, MIL has no place in her home to fit the piece and display it. She offered it to me a short time after inheriting it and I gladly accepted. When MIL found out I planned to refinish it however - as FIL had done a total shit job of refinishing it and wound up seriously messing it up - she forbid me to refinish it and demanded it back if I insisted on doing so. So, we had FIL come pick it back up and it went back into their garage where it continues to sit to this day. It's in the garage behind their home that FIL uses to hold all his crap. This gorgeous antique currently has FIL's paints, stains and tools sitting all over it ruining it.
I asked MIL again a couple years ago if I could please have the piece and refinish it. I promised to take good care of it and give it a place of honor in my home, etc. MIL asked what color I was going to stain it. I told her that I planned to paint it black and distress it. MIL said she didn't want it painted black and that I couldn't have it.
Well, since her comments the last time I asked led me to believe her issue was with the color black and that she might be open to my painting it another, lighter color, I asked her again last night if I could please have the piece, stating that I planned to paint it a lovely, creamy white to match my kitchen cabinets that I just refinished. She stated (rather snarkily in my opinion) that she didn't want it painted and that I could maybe have the item someday when she passed away.
Granted, it's hers and therefore she can do with it as she wishes. Still, it kills me to know there is this gorgeous antique hutch just rotting away in her damned garage just because she doesn't want me to paint it (and make it look nice), especially since she can't use it in HER home. By the time I finally get the thing, IF I ever get it, it's going to be ruined beyond repair and all because of MIL's stupidity.
Note: In re-reading my second gripe, I'm sure I come across as some greedy beyotch. I'm really not that way. I just really appreciate the beauty of a nice antique and I hate to see them ruined or otherwise wasted by thoughtlessness, even if it is the owner's right to do so. :o)