First off, before I get to NSM, I thought I should mention that I talked with my aunt N and we've worked everything out. She said that she knows that I'm right about NM but that she just has such a hard time accepting sometimes that her own sister could be so different from her and especially believing that her sister doesn't love her own daughter the way she should. I told her I understand, that it took me a long time to accept and come to terms with it in my head too but that, sadly, it was the reality of the situation. So things are good again with my aunt.
Moving on to NSM, she called a couple times yesterday. I'll talk about the first call here (and the subsequent call to dh's cell phone) and then make a separate post to talk about the second call and my feelings now. That way, this post won't be mega long!
So, NSM called yesterday around 1/2pm. Boy, did she try it all - gaslighting, denial, lying, projection, guilt-tripping..........AND NONE OF IT WORKED!!
She called and asked if we were still on for their visit tomorrow and I said, "Actually, I don't really know anymore." She asked what was up and if I was still sick. I told her I was fine.....physically. She asked what was wrong and I said that, quite frankly, I've done my best this week to explain my reasons and feelings to the both of them only to be cut off, rudely talked to and disrespected. Then I mentioned my NF's comments to me the other night about my house supposedly being "too small" for them as well as implying that my house was boring and said it was very insulting. She had the gall to ask, "What's wrong with that?" I was like, "Are you freaking KIDDING ME???!! It what context is that NOT disrespectful??!" Then she later tried to deny it was even said and when I said, "Oh YES it WAS! DAD said it to me the other night!" and repeated his comments back to her, she then tried to make out like I had misunderstood. I told her that I most certainly had NOT "misunderstood" and said that I'm so sorry that my house isn't the equivalent of the f**king Ritz Carlton for them but that it was MINE and I LOVED my house and didn't appreciate them insulting it.
Then we moved on to the whole thing where she tried to make it out like I'M the one being unreasonable or "too sensitive". She said, "I don't know what to say to you anymore. What exactly do you want us to say? I feel like everything we say or do, no matter what, you take offense at. You're so sensitive..." I cut her off there and said, "Don't even go there with the 'You're too sensitive' crap."
When that didn't work, she tried to make herself and NF the victims by saying she felt they'd "bent over backward" and been "supportive" of me and this was how I treated them. I just laughed and said, "Whatever." Then she tried to push one of my hot buttons by implying that, by refusing to go out to eat with them, I was basically setting my ds up to wind up an agoraphobic like me. I was like, "How DARE you throw that at me when you know damn well it's a sensitive subject for me! My worst nightmare is for my ds to wind up living like I do, afraid all the time." Then I told her that we DO get out and that just because we don't want to go out where THEY want to on the day THEY want to doesn't mean my ds never gets out or gets to have fun.
Then she tried the, "Well, honestly Kristin, I feel like WE'RE the ones being treated like second-class citizens here. We drove all this way, 8 1/2 hours to see you and ds and now we have to put up with this." Again, I just snorted out a laugh. Had she pressed it, I was going to say, "OH PUH-LEEZ! Who the hell are you trying to kid?! You didn't come down here to see us, you came here to visit your FRIENDS. PERIOD. If you HAD come here to see us, you'd have spent the majority of your time HERE with US instead of up there with your FRIENDS!"
When all else failed, she said that she would talk to my dad and they'd call me later so we could set up plans. She closed by saying, "I guess we have to do what you say. If you say we can't go out, then I guess we can't."
She called and asked if we were still on for their visit tomorrow and I said, "Actually, I don't really know anymore." She asked what was up and if I was still sick. I told her I was fine.....physically. She asked what was wrong and I said that, quite frankly, I've done my best this week to explain my reasons and feelings to the both of them only to be cut off, rudely talked to and disrespected. Then I mentioned my NF's comments to me the other night about my house supposedly being "too small" for them as well as implying that my house was boring and said it was very insulting. She had the gall to ask, "What's wrong with that?" I was like, "Are you freaking KIDDING ME???!! It what context is that NOT disrespectful??!" Then she later tried to deny it was even said and when I said, "Oh YES it WAS! DAD said it to me the other night!" and repeated his comments back to her, she then tried to make out like I had misunderstood. I told her that I most certainly had NOT "misunderstood" and said that I'm so sorry that my house isn't the equivalent of the f**king Ritz Carlton for them but that it was MINE and I LOVED my house and didn't appreciate them insulting it.
Then we moved on to the whole thing where she tried to make it out like I'M the one being unreasonable or "too sensitive". She said, "I don't know what to say to you anymore. What exactly do you want us to say? I feel like everything we say or do, no matter what, you take offense at. You're so sensitive..." I cut her off there and said, "Don't even go there with the 'You're too sensitive' crap."
When that didn't work, she tried to make herself and NF the victims by saying she felt they'd "bent over backward" and been "supportive" of me and this was how I treated them. I just laughed and said, "Whatever." Then she tried to push one of my hot buttons by implying that, by refusing to go out to eat with them, I was basically setting my ds up to wind up an agoraphobic like me. I was like, "How DARE you throw that at me when you know damn well it's a sensitive subject for me! My worst nightmare is for my ds to wind up living like I do, afraid all the time." Then I told her that we DO get out and that just because we don't want to go out where THEY want to on the day THEY want to doesn't mean my ds never gets out or gets to have fun.
Then she tried the, "Well, honestly Kristin, I feel like WE'RE the ones being treated like second-class citizens here. We drove all this way, 8 1/2 hours to see you and ds and now we have to put up with this." Again, I just snorted out a laugh. Had she pressed it, I was going to say, "OH PUH-LEEZ! Who the hell are you trying to kid?! You didn't come down here to see us, you came here to visit your FRIENDS. PERIOD. If you HAD come here to see us, you'd have spent the majority of your time HERE with US instead of up there with your FRIENDS!"
When all else failed, she said that she would talk to my dad and they'd call me later so we could set up plans. She closed by saying, "I guess we have to do what you say. If you say we can't go out, then I guess we can't."
Oh, and I almost forgot, there toward the end, there was a, "You know, you're not the only one who suffers from panic attacks you know." thrown in for good measure. I just said snottily, "I KNOW. I've never said I WAS."
In the end, she went all pathetic and said goodbye and I said, "Bye." and quickly hung up the phone. Afterward, I strongly suspected that one of two things was going to happen:
1) NSM would tattle to my NF on me and he'd be the one to call me back and try to bulldoze and bully me back into line...
...OR...
2) They would call my dh and try to enlist his support in the hopes that he'd do their dirty work of getting me to step back into line.
Well, I totally freaking called it because a short while later, dh called and said that NSM had left a message on his cell phone. He said he'd saved the message so I could listen to it myself if I wanted but that the basic gist was gaslighting and "poor me" bullshit claiming that big ole over-sensitive me had taken what was said the wrong way, that they hadn't said what I was claiming they had and that they just wanted to come and visit with ds - after all, they came all this way - and couldn't we just work something out? Dh said all he did was LAUGH.
I can't believe my own NF - Mr. Big Man himself - was too chicken shit to call me back or talk to me himself. Which brings me to their next call....
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