Is it really just me?

So, as I mentioned in previous posts, my BIL and SIL have been at the hospital since early yesterday morning after SIL's health scare. While they were there, MIL has been caring for my new nephew. Actually, for the past week since my nephew was born, MIL has been trading off nights with BIL to help care for the baby since SIL has been confined to the couch and unable to get up except to use the bathroom. As a result, MIL had had the baby the night before SIL's seizure and subsequent hospital stay and then all day yesterday, all night last night and all day so far today. And, since SIL may yet need to stay in the hospital another day or two, it looks like MIL will probably continue keeping the baby on her own for another day or so. (Yes, my FIL is there too but, when it comes to child care, my FIL is about as useless as a one-legged dog.)

So anyways, FIL calls up earlier to check in, update us on SIL's condition and chat briefly with ds to see how he's doing as ds has had a cold the past couple days. We chatted for a bit and then, at one point, I heard FIL kind of shout MIL's name and then the baby started crying. Somewhat alarmed, I asked if everything was alright and FIL kind of chuckled and said that MIL was nodding off and her head had fallen forward and she'd konked the baby's head with hers which had caused him to cry. At that point I said, "Why don't I come and get the baby and bring him here for a bit and give you and MIL a break?" FIL didn't even get it all out of his mouth before I heard MIL say, very nastily, in the background that she was FINE and could do it all by herself just FINE. When I tried to say something else, all FIL would say was that MIL was "made for this" and would be just fine. *roll eyes*

Is it just me or do you all find that something is seriously "off" with this woman - MIL - and her behavior regarding her grandchildren? If you really want to know the truth, I feel she's being a selfish, stubborn COW of a woman who would apparently rather risk putting a child's safety in jeopardy than let someone - me - step in and help out for a few hours and give her a break.

She was/is the same way with ds, especially when he was first born. Always wanting to be the one holding him and caring for him. If I'd let her, she'd have set up a full room for him at her house and kept him there 24-7 quite happily. As it was, I insisted on ds staying in the house with me and MIL usually sat around pouting. No matter how much she got to hold ds, it was never enough. And now with my nephew, she acts more like he's HER child rather than her grandchild and as if a known deviant or something is trying to take the child from her rather than the child's aunt who only wants to help give her a break for a bit. 

Once SIL is all recovered and she and BIL go back to work full time the plan is for MIL to take over daily care of the child full time, 7 days a week or more. I'm supposed to be comfortable with this?? I feel I should add here that I'm almost as much worried about MIL as the baby. MIL just REFUSES to admit that she's getting on in years and that there are things she just cannot do the way she used to anymore. Suffice it to say it's been many, many years since she had to take care of a newborn infant full time. Both her sons are in their 30's now and she's going to be 60 this year. And nothing against 60-something year olds either. It's just that UN-like some other 60 year olds, MIL is badly out of shape and, at last report, pre-diabetic (though since she refuses to change her diet and listen to her doctors, it's only a matter of time until she's full on diabetic, if she's not already). As any parent knows, it's hard enough taking care of a newborn when you're in your 20's or 30's but MIL insists she's just as capable - MORE capable actually, though she hasn't quite come out and said as much, but you can tell by her tone and attitude - as the children's parents and as she was when she was a new mother herself.

Ugh! I am just SO pissed off today with MIL's selfishness and stubbornness! To make matters worse, I log onto Facebook today and see this posted from dh's cousin (MIL's niece):

Aunt (MIL's name), you are an awesome Nana. Your daughter-in-law's are so lucky to have you as the mother of their husbands and grandmother of their sons. I can't think of a person I respect more on this earth.

Seriously?? Pardon my french but fucking GAG me with a spoon! Little does dh's cousin know that MIL has a bitchy streak about a mile and a half wide and has badmouthed said cousin many, many times behind her back - and quite viciously too, I might add -specifically with regard to the fact that cousin is a lesbian and she and her partner recently decided to have a baby via artificial insemination from an anonymous source. MIL talks about cousin like she's some kind of freak of nature and made a comment that 'at least there's something normal about her' with regard to the fact that cousin was the one to carry the baby. I was like WTF?? I told MIL that while cousin's choices were vastly different from the ones she and I may have made for our lives that I hardly thought that classified her as abnormal in any way. But, I digress. You get the idea. I'm half tempted to privately message cousin on FB and tell her that appearances aren't always correct or something along those lines but I figure it'd only hurt cousin and, at worst, she may pass along what I'd said to MIL which would cause bigger problems.

I just cannot STAND that everyone - MIL's own sons and dh included - seems to view MIL like she's some kind of martyred saint who can do no wrong when she's just like anyone else, with flaws of her own. Anytime I've brought up to dh my issues with his mother, no matter how politely and respectfully I phrase it, 99.9% of the time he comes back and says how I'm not seeing things right or how my views of parents are skewed by my experiences with N FOO, etc. In other words, I'm "over-reacting" or making too big a deal of nothing.

So I ask all of you - is it just me here or do you also see something very wrong and/or "off" about MIL's behaviors in regard to her grandchildren? I think it's one thing to be extremely fond of one's grandchildren and another thing entirely to have an unhealthy attachment to them and MIL would definitely fall into the latter group, IMHO. 

I remember when ds was just born and seeing how MIL acted towards him and feeling very threatened. It was like MIL viewed my child as hers and I often felt as if MIL was trying to have another go at motherhood via MY child. She even went so far as to call ds (dh's name) junior for the longest time. Granted, ds did look A LOT like dh when he was a baby but it was just creepy the way MIL would refer to him by that nickname and I always made a point to correct her when she did it. MIL would also buy a lot of clothes for ds that looked straight out of the 70's which was the era dh grew up in. Truly, I felt she was trying to re-create her experiences only with my child. To this day, it creeps me out majorly.

*sigh* I'm just in a bad mood now over this whole thing. I'm so grateful SIL is going to be okay but this thing with MIL and my nephew has just brought up a whole lot of bad memories for me.