Old letter from N half sis...

I received this email from NHS years ago after a very long period of back and forth correspondence between us. As always, I was trying to be serious and have a mature discussion with her and she was being her usual flippant, dismissive self which eventually caused me to become frustrated. This was her final email to me which precipitated our first period of NC that wound up lasting three years.

A bit of background info that is necessary to understand before reading her email....NHS was upset that I did not attend my nephew's baptism. Firstly, at the time of the baptism, I was due for my second back surgery and could barely make it to the bathroom, much less to go to a church and be expected to sit in a hard, wooden pew for over an hour. I spent the day lying on the couch which was how I spent most all my time then. Second, and perhaps even more importantly, dh and I were never issued an invite to the baptism by either NHS or BIL. As relations were strained even then, even if I hadn't been injured, we didn't want to show up uninvited so we never had plans to go.

NHS claims to this day that she asked dh and I to be my nephew's godparents. NEVER HAPPENED. Both dh and I distinctly remember NHS and BIL inviting us out to eat at the local Applebee's because they had to discuss something important with us. When we got there, we were told by both of them that apparently the godparents had to be Catholic since the baptism was being done in a Catholic church so that they were going to use BIL's brother and sister as stand in's for the actual ceremony however dh and I would be listed as guardians in their Will. Both NHS and BIL claim I am lying, that they never said this and that I deliberately and willfully did not go to the baptism just to hurt them apparently. NHS further claims that BIL told her (BIL and my dh used to work together) that dh had told him we'd spent the entire day at my IL's house having a cookout. NOT true since, as I said, I was badly injured and in a lot of pain at that time and didn't leave the house except to go to doctor's appointments.

Anyways, here's NHS' letter to me:

Why on earth would you pass on being his god mother? I don’t know, you are the one that did it not me. I know for a fact that you knew damn well what was expected of you, and you let me down. I will not believe anything else you say on this matter, b/c I know what I remember. So does everyone else. The people you listed know what really went on, so no need to try to convince me that you have people backing you on this subject. Looking back now, I am so glad you did not attend. We should have known better than to trust you with this honor.

I find it almost funny that you think I change the truth to fit my side of things, when that is what you always do. But then pathological liars often do these things. I wonder if you actually believe the things you say. If so then I feel sorry for you.

I said that we were grown up enough to settle our arguments between ourselves and not involve our parents. I never said that I didn’t need mom and dad for that money to help us in our time of need. Just because someone needs financial assistance doesn’t mean that they aren’t mature and grown up responsible adults. That is why I told mom not to tell you about what we had to do. I don’t expect you to understand, b/c you have MIL and FIL to give money freely. As if YOU would ever understand REAL life. Last, you have no right to comment on our personal financial status. It is none of your damn business.

We have to be constant victims in our life? LOL Okey whatever. I think there is some truth to the saying that the person most guilty of doing something is the first to blame someone else for doing the same thing (or whom they THINK is doing the same thing). We have never wanted to be victims, but YOU on the other hand are a master at it. Everything wrong in your life is someone else’s fault. You are the way you are today because of everyone else’s action against you. LOL Please don’t make me laugh. You say my father beat you!! LOL Please that is the biggest lie I have ever heard. Maybe he should have beaten you, it might have done you some good. I cannot believe you would say that about someone so innocent like my dad. You are a filthy disgusting excuse for a human being.

I also loved it when you old everyone (BIL's name) had a temper. You just go right ahead and tell people that, anyone ever takes action against my father or my husband and tries to take away my child b/c of your lies….I will sue you for everything you have and everything you will ever have in your life. You think I am a bitch now? You just wait honey, b/c I will devote my life to making yours miserable.

You are a kind, loving person? Ummmm….yeah right…That’s why you have soooo many friends and everyone in the family hates you. Keep telling yourself that dear.

I didn’t want to play your mind games and write you back, but not doing so would have eaten away at my soul for the rest of my life. So now I do feel better, thanks for asking. As far as cutting ties? I have been waiting for this day for 24 years!!! I think I will finally feel less stress in my life w/o you in it. So please go away and don’t come back. Don’t tease me.

As far as family gatherings, just let me know which ones you’ll attend so I can fake a back ache too.

Thanks! Tootles!

~~~~~

Nice, huh? This from a girl who claims to have done nothing but love me and has supposedly wanted a sisterly relationship with me but who has been given nothing but pain by me in return. HA!

Regarding my supposedly saying BIL "had a temper", that's not what was said. My comments to FOO were about witnessing BIL being verbally and, on a couple of occasions, what I would call physically abusive toward NHS and my nephew. I was NOT the only person to witness these things. BIL apparently kicked NHS in the backside in front of my NM and other out of town FOO members who were visiting at the time. I have also witnessed BIL grab my nephew's hand and hold it too tightly so as to hurt the child. The child's crime at the time? Not making a big enough deal out of daddy being home from work and being interested in his visiting aunt DA at the time. Have also heard BIL (and NHS) refer to nephew at that time as a "little shit" or "little asshole". My comments to FOO were in regard to my concerns over these issues and not with BIL supposedly having "a temper".

Moving on, I think the most honest NHS has ever been with me (to this day) was when she wrote, "As far as cutting ties? I have been waiting for this day for 24 years!!!" I think that, for whatever reason - perhaps due to constant triangulation by NM? - NHS has indeed been waiting for a valid excuse to write me out of her life which she eventually found in March of 2009. (I'll post that exchange in a following blog entry.)

I can honestly say I am SO happy to be done dealing with NHS and BIL and their constant manipulations, gaslighting, lies and verbal assaults. Trying to have a relationship with them, especially with NHS, was crazy-making to the highest degree. Since cutting ties with them permanently in March of '09, I have felt nothing but relief that it is finally over.

DA