Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Today is NM's birthday...

Her 59th birthday to be exact.

Kind of strange how time changes things. This time last year, I was loathing the idea of going over to visit NM for her birthday and begrudging the fact that I had to go out and spend time finding the perfect gift when I knew it would somehow fall way short of her expectations and be labeled "not good enough" in the long run. This year, for the most part I feel nothing, just relaxed and happy. Today is another day, no different from any other, though there is a small part of me that is ever so slightly saddened (though saddened isn't quite the right word either) that I can't have a normal mother who I could celebrate occasions like this with.

When it's my MIL's birthday for example, it's fun to plan a dinner for her and spend time finding a small gift for her and then go over there and celebrate her special day with her. Sometimes, though admittedly less these days, I think about how it would be nice to be able to have that same relationship with my own mother. So I guess the sadness I feel isn't about missing the mother I have but, rather, about longing for what I've never had. It's getting easier though. I think that's because I've grieved the loss of what might have been and have now moved on to acceptance for the most part.

In a way, I'm kind of surprised there was no attempt at contacting me today. Then again, by continuing to act as if I no longer exist, I think NM feels she's getting back at me or somehow teaching me a lesson so it would make sense that she would maintain that. I'm sure there was much "woe is her" stuff over the phone and email today to extended FOO however. I can hear it now, "No. Still not a word from DA. She couldn't even bother to send me a card on my birthday. Me, her MOTHER! And after all I've done for her over the years too. Whatever did I do to deserve such a horrible, uncaring daughter as her?!! Oh WOE is ME!!!" LOL
Oh well. Perhaps NM should have thought of things like being alone on her birthday before she went and treated me so horribly.

Guess time will tell if I hear anything from the NM's flying monkeys, also known as my NFOO. Wonder if NGM will finally break her silence toward me to chastise me for being a wretched daughter? LOL I'm just glad I no longer have them on my Facebook. I can only imagine the status comments from all of them tomorrow. Sentiments about the blessings of motherhood and the importance of family, etc.

Am actually looking rather forward to Thanksgiving at my IL's in a couple days, though I'm a tiny bit worried NM might show up considering she lives about a mile or two down the road from my IL's. NHS and NBIL will be at NM's house and are sure to be all too happy to join in NM's badmouthing me. That, along with all the alcohol that's generally flowing with that crowd, could potentially give NM the extra push needed to make her pull a stunt like showing up at my IL's uninvited and looking to cause a scene. I'd say it's UNLIKELY but not totally outside the realm of probability.

Guess we'll have to wait and see...


  1. How about a little N-insurance. Invite a couple burly cops for turkey and pie. Have them park their police car smack dab in front of your home sweet home:)

  2. It's amazing what weight Ns give to cards - they think an exchange of mass manufactured, pre-printed sentiments is what a relationship is. They also use cards as evidence that they're loved and have people in their lives - and in my experience show them off, and display them. It's an empty exercise because those who really know the N know the truth: that they don't know what being in a caring, intimate relationship is.

    Also: abusers are good at using facts to support their "woe is me" pity-me game. It's worth remembering that a lot of peeps aren't taken in by this, and the ones that are aren't worth your friendship.

    Have a great Thanksgiving.