Sunday, November 14, 2010

It's been rather quiet lately...

No more cards for ds from NM so far, though with Christmas just around the corner, I'm sure there's more to come. Don't know what I'll do if something comes. I'd previously given the items to ds (after carefully pre-screening everything of course) but, as I mentioned in my last post, I'm no longer sure that's how I want to handle these situations. 

According to my aunt N, NM is back in town which means the possibility of running into her around town is something I have to consider again. It was so nice having her out of state, hours away. My aunt N says that my NGM was working overtime on NM to try and get her to stay up there in Ohio and leave NSJ. Aunt N said that my NGM even yelled and cussed NSJ out at one point!!! (NGM is not one to swear - at least not out loud - so this was a pretty big deal.) Much to the extended NFOO's dismay however, NM returned back here. Naturally, I was also hoping NM would choose to stay up in Ohio but more because I feel that it would be good for her to have their support around her. Here where we live, the only "support" NM has is NHS and NSJ, both of whom are mentally ill/unstable wackjobs. I feel NM would have a snowball's chance in hell of at least not getting any worse if she remained up there. But back here, with only NSJ and NHS chirping in her ear, NM is going to continue to get worse. I may no longer want her in my life but I'm to a point where I don't wish her ill so this makes me very sad indeed.

NM's birthday is coming up in the next week or so. I'm not planning any contact but I'm slightly anxious that she may try to contact me somehow at that time. With luck, the day will pass quietly like any other. Unfortunately, I don't have as much hope for the upcoming Christmas holiday. If nothing else, a package/card for ds is sure to arrive on the doorstep courtesy of the US postal system. I need to figure out my plan now so I'm not left floundering when it happens.

On a side less than two months, it will have been a full year since I last spoke with my NM or saw her. I can't believe how fast the time has flown by or how much progress I've made in my healing process since last January. I find it kind of strange how little it matters to me anymore. That is to say, in the beginning of NC, I found myself counting the days and celebrating my "anniversary" each month - 1 month NC, 2 months NC, etc. At around 6 months, it stopped being quite so important and now, this past 10 month "anniversary", I didn't even realize the day had come until it was about two or three days after the fact. I find that I rarely think of NM these days unless someone mentions her, I'm posting here or reading posts over at the DoNM board. Strange how this woman who used to be nearly the full focus of my life now matters so very little.

I hope you are all doing well!


No comments:

Post a Comment