Friday, December 17, 2010

Had an interesting dream the other night...

It was one of those 'I'm back "home" with NM, NSJ and NHS' type of things only this time, for whatever reason, we were at my IL's house. I was in the kitchen looking at stuff on my laptop and NSJ came over and was bugging me. He was taunting me and being his usual verbally abusive asshat self and I kept talking back to him. For example, at one point he said, "Who do you think you're talking to?" and I responded, "I'm talking to YOU!" Getting more enraged by the moment, NSJ started to "tickling" me by jabbing me hard in the ribs, the intention being to cause pain obviously, as he continued to verbally assault me. I told him to stop a couple of times to no avail and then suddenly, having had enough, I said loudly, "I said STOP IT!!!" and as I did this, I turned and shoved both my arms out in front of me as hard as I could and knocked NSJ down. I seem to remember this shocked look coming across NSJ's face as he fell back on his fat behind but it was at this point that my ds came in and woke me up, thus ending my dream.

The differences in this dream compared to previous ones about the same subject are a) that I stood up for myself much more strongly than I ever have before, dream-wise or in reality and b) that I didn't wake up from this dream feeling negative and sick to my stomach. There was none of that this time, only a sense of "YES! I stood up and protected myself!".

Not sure if this dream symbolized anything. It's possible that my IL's house represented my new "home" that I'm building for myself as I continue to heal and refuse to tolerate anymore of their abuse. And I think the rest of the dream is pretty self explanatory - I've taken a stand to protect myself by going NC with all of them which was a big deal, just as it was a big deal in the dream to shove NSJ down and tell him firmly to leave me alone and stop abusing me. Then again, it's possible it meant nothing and was just another dream!

Hope you're all doing well!

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