Thursday, December 2, 2010

Update on talking with GM yesterday...

Well, had a bit of back and forth conversation with my GM yesterday after her initial email and it seemed to go well. She said she was sorry for what I'd had to go through and admitted that my NM wasn't a good mom and that NSJ was, in fact, abusive. She also said she was glad I seemed happy now and that I deserved to be happy.

My only concern now is that anything I say to her is being/will be reported back to my NM. I emailed my aunt N with my concerns and she basically confirmed my worries by saying that I was correct, much of what I say to GM WILL likely be reported back to NM. Aunt N said that she can get GM on the same page and then NM will call and as soon as GM is on the phone with her, suddenly she switches allegiances and immediately sets to agreeing with NM and supporting/enabling her.

So now I'm kind of torn - I'd like to be able to have some kind of relationship with my GM but I do NOT want NM getting any specific info from her. General comments like, "Oh DA is doing well." or "DGS is doing well in school." are fine but I don't think NM has the right anymore to know anything beyond that nor do I care for her to know anything more than that. An easy way to fix this, I suppose, would be to just not give GM any specifics but what kind of relationship is it when the only things you can talk about are the news and weather and not get into any news about what's going on in your life? And what about pictures? As far as I'm concerned right now, sending pictures to GM is out of the question as they'd likely just be forwarded along to NM (if they were sent via email) and, again, NM LOST that right to see pics of ds or know anything about us when she decided to allow me to walk out of her life without protest and then set about smearing me to anyone who would give her the time of day.

It has also occurred to me that this might be a fishing expedition. Admittedly, it has crossed my mind that it was awfully coincidental that this email from GM just happened to appear in my inbox not even a day after NM's little "message" was given to me by the chiropractor. My guess is that NM was wondering if I got her message and so pushed GM for info. Since I haven't spoken to GM in months however, GM probably figured she'd have to reach out to me since I clearly wasn't doing anymore reaching out to her and thus the email in my inbox yesterday. So far, all GM got was me stating that NM would remain out of my life and the reasons why which is nothing NM doesn't already know. But any future emails would likely be about stuff going on in our lives and that is the stuff NM would be fishing for. GM also asked for pics of ds. Now it could be she just wants to see pics of her great grandson but it could also be that she wants them to show to NM.

What do you all think? Should I continue to talk to GM but just keep to very general info, stuff I don't care if NM finds out? Or should I maybe just tell GM flat out that I don't want info being passed on to NM and/or maybe even go a step further and let her know that if I find out info has been passed on that she will find herself not getting anymore info as well?

Honestly, it's nice to be talking to my FOO again in some capacity but, if I'm honest, I have to say it was a lot simpler when they weren't speaking to me. Yes, I now have communication with them again, or at least with my GM, but I also have the N drama again. I'd thought - quite foolishly it now appears - that it was possible to have a relationship with them without it being contaminated by NM and her crap but I'm quickly realizing that's not going to be possible, is it?

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