Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Need to comment on something...

Normally, I'd post about this over on the DoNM board but, since Danu locked the thread and since I didn't feel it appropriate to post about this over there lest it start any drama, I'm posting it here on my own blog.

Those of you who post over at the DoNM board may have received a private message recently from a poster by the name of "veryluckysallycherry". In this pm, VLSC talks about how she's sending this to warn us of Danu's malicious intents and supposed "god complex". She goes on to say how Danu has banned various people from her board without reason and that this practice is rampant and seems to be perpetrated mostly against Christians. She finishes her message by telling us that there are "many others", among whom she lists "Sweet Violet" and "Beccas12" as victims of Danu's supposed wanton banning.

This was nothing new to me. In fact, it was about three years ago now that I first heard about Violet and Becca being banned and contacted them to find out their side of the story for myself. The evidence they presented me with was somewhat compelling but it was their conviction that moved me the most. Truly, they were quite convincing. It shames me to admit that, initially, I bought into their whole "Danu is a malignant N with a god complex" delusion and even went so far as to vow to help them create a website to expose Danu. Together, several DoNM's set up camp on a FB group and went about compiling our "evidence".

It wasn't long however before I began to see many holes in their stories and supposed evidence. Still, I wanted to believe the best of them. Ever the good little people-pleasing DoNM, I was desperate to prove to them that I could be trusted and, thus, good enough to be called their friend. As more time went by however, it began to become apparent that these people were on a witch-hunt and that THEY were the narcissists, not Danu. This was confirmed for me one very horrible day.

Things were at an all-time low between my NM and me and I was right on the verge of going NC which, understandably, was causing me great emotional upset. So, seeking support, I posted about what I was feeling on the FB DoNM group. Imagine my pain and horror to find myself viciously - and most unnecessarily - attacked by some woman who had just joined the group the day previous. Trying to defuse the situation, I responded to this person by trying to clarify and said that, though it may not have been her intent, I was hurt and upset by her words. Instead of apologizing, this person attacked me again, more viciously this time and then left the group, supposedly because I had made it an "unfriendly, unsafe place to post"!

A couple of days later, I'd been pushed to my limit with my NM and went NC so was in a VERY bad place emotionally. On top of that, I felt completely blindsided and attacked by this mystery person - I was the ONLY person she'd responded to after joining the group...truly it seemed to me that she'd joined just to attack me and then run. When I voiced my fears and concerns about what had happened, I found myself attacked by the FB group - most of the members anyways - and then BANNED without reason or excuse. Despite the fact that *I* was the one so viciously attacked, *I* had been singled out as a "troublemaker" and then banned from the group, and at a time when I needed support from my "sisters" the most!

But that wasn't the end of it, oh no. "Sweet Violet" took it a step further and posted on the FB board (I know this because another DoNM who felt I'd been railroaded and judged unfairly told me of it after I was banned) that I had set up the attack myself as a means of drumming up business for my new website, a website that - remember - I had set up WITH Violet and Becca for ALL of us to run together as a place to display all of our gathered "evidence" against Danu! Truly, Violet's viciousness was about as nasty and venomous as any I've heard then or since. If that wasn't an N rage, I don't know what is.

Becca, for her part, tried to play psychiatrist with me and claimed I was just scared and was "seeing ghosts" where there really weren't any. This from the girl who I'd truly believed was a friend and had trusted. The final straw for me was when Becca attempted to try and get me to prove my loyalty to her yet again. It was having to prove my worth, having to show I was "good enough" to deserve her good treatment just as it had been with my NFOO all these years. Only this time, I wasn't having any of it and told her I wasn't interested and went my own way.

When it was all said and done, I went back to Danu, apologized for my part in the whole mess and asked for her forgiveness. Danu didn't gloat or criticize at all. Instead, she said there was nothing to forgive and she welcomed me back into her group with open arms. Doesn't sound like a malignant N with a god complex to me...?

And regarding the claim by VLSC that Danu has it in for Christians and that those banned were so shunned for expressing their beliefs.....utter and complete BULLSHIT. I am a Christian and have stated so many times on the DoNM board. I've also, albeit unintentionally, violated the rules in that regard on the DoNM board quite a few times yet, amazingly, I'm still a member and post regularly.

One final point that I find interesting - Violet and Becca were banned over THREE YEARS AGO yet continue in their mission to bring about the downfall of Danu and her site. Meanwhile, Danu has not spoken out against them or their group publicly and has, in fact, only just a few days ago, even mentioned them AT ALL. And even then, it was only to encourage everyone to research it themselves and come to their own conclusions. So I ask you, who is the real narcissist here?

It is my opinion, and you may take it and do with it what you will, that Danu is NOT a narcissist, she does NOT "have it in" for Christians nor does she ban them from her board willy nilly and that it is Violet that is the malignant narcissist with a god complex. (As for Becca, I fear she is simply a broken DoNM with many, many fleas who's fallen in with yet another N - Violet - and given herself over to her.)

I hope that if any of you have received the message from VLSC, that you will disregard it for the hogwash that it is and continue posting over at DoNM, secure in the knowledge that it is a safe forum in which to post and find support.

As for Violet and Becca, if you somehow find your way here and read this, I pray that you both are able to let go of the bitterness you continue to hold onto and find peace so that you can drop this ridiculous vendetta and move on with your lives.



  1. Well, I didn't know anything about this private message or about the other women who were banned / badly treated by Danu, BUT, I can tell you that Danu kicked me hard when I was down. HARD.

    I wouldn't have ever expected that treatment from someone who is 'in the business' of helping people and making a 'safe place' for abuse victims to share their stories.

    I would never do that to anyone, and I think it's repugnant that she did it to me, or to anyone else. There's no excuse for it.

  2. After reading an interview given by Danu about her books I stated to see a different side to Danu.
    I have been reprimanded three times now for saying things like my thoughts and prayers are with you in fact my post was deleted and anther time the words I'd written we're removed, yet others are allowed to post the same words. I believe that Danu singles certain people out to scapegoat them, while others become her golden ones.
    Danu claims to have 1000s of members on her site, yet many are in active and even those banned are still registered - fudging figures to make her look good. Most forums allow people thread posts without becoming a member,but on Danu's forum one must become a member before reading posts and then if they choose to leave the forum they can't unsubscribe to membership. After being a member there for two years Ieft because I felt that Danu and light present them selves as absolute experts on NPD and other personality disorders, they can't handle it when a member contradicts some of the stuff they post. They really need to update their information and be a little more open minded about other peoples views. As for their books being at the top of their list for most highly recommended reading, and insinuating that forum members recommend them most highly that is grandiose and gas lighting two N traits.

  3. I got banned in the first two or three posts. I feel pretty special.

    Her email threatened to report me to my ISP.

    Well, I know enough about blacklisted websites to know that Internet Service Providers are not forum police. They aren't going to flag an account for "posting bad stuff in a forum". If that were true, they would never get any real work done.

    What made this person think I would think she is so special that my Internet Service Provider would do her bidding? That was to scare me. Intimidate and punish me for not following her "rules". Which I read and found very vague.

    The truth is, she lied. I called my ISP and she never reported me. So, what's up with the lies and intimidation tactics? I also got no answer when I responded to her email and kindly asked what I had done. So, apparently they don't offer explanations.

    I read that her husband runs their servers. If that is true, he obviously bans people at will.

    These people seem very indifferent to the suffering they cause by banning and threatening to report people to their ISP.

    This reminds me of ancient cities with gates where you get banned from the safety of the city. Because you don't cooperate.

    That is hurtful to people who put a lot into their postings over long periods of time, writing out their own unique stories. Which she can then use for her books.

    From everything I can see, they are nothing more than clever marketers.

  4. So scary that these admins all seem like narcissists. It is so ironic! These groups/forums are the perfect place for sociopaths to prey on. I have had horrific experience with "sweet Violet" and there is no doubt in my mind that she is a malignant narcissist. She has a God complex and is a nasty mean woman. I have seen her kick people when they are down and accuse them of lying and then turn around and bad mouth and belittle them to the group - Hallmark behavior of a narc. It's sad to see these victims of narcs play right into the hands of another narc. Not me, I want no part of being controlled and treated less than or to become a flying monkey for some mentally ill "sweet Violet".