Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Ahh, the holidays...

Tomorrow will be Thanksgiving and it will be the first Thanksgiving I have been purposely left out of the family festivities. As I've written previously, my NHS made the decision to cut me out of her life earlier this year. She apparently decided she was going to have Thanksgiving without me this year and my NM was only too happy to oblige NHS' command. Not really surprising on the one hand given NHS is clearly the GC of the family. Still, I was a bit caught off guard and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't hurt by this whole thing.

Happened upon an exchange between NHS and NM last night. It reads:

NHS to NM: "i just thought of something. if DA is invited, we are NOT coming to your house for Thanksgiving. i don't want to even be there if she drives by.

NM's response: "I haven't invited her. I think she'll be at (MIL's name's)."

After coming across this, I have to say I am SOOOOO tempted to crash the little family get together at NM's. I can just see the looks on NM and NHS and BIL's faces now. NM will be in a total panic as she'll know that NHS and BIL will assume she planned the whole thing. And the hateful glares NHS and BIL will shoot NM as they hurriedly pack up and make to leave would be priceless. There would probably be a second or two of stunned silence as realization set in and then all hell would break loose.

I have never done anything so bold in all my life. To do so would give me back a sense of control and power, power that NM and NHS have stolen from me all these years. I do feel a bit petty thinking this way but, really, would it be so bad to do something like this just once? After all, NM did say that I could feel free to stop by and that she would have no control over it should I choose to do so. Of course, NM was surely counting on the fact that a) I'd be too hurt from not having been invited formally and b) I wouldn't want to be around NHS and BIL and, so, wouldn't come. But, if that was the case, and she didn't truly want me there, she shouldn't have given me the "secret invite", right? LOL

In all likelihood I'll probably just stay at my IL's and not bother with that dysfunctional lot. Still, the thought of swooping in, dropping my bomb and leaving as quickly as I arrived does give me a certain malicious glee.

To close on a high note, here's a list of things I'm thankful for:

1) My dh and ds. They are my rock in an otherwise chaotic existence. I am so blessed to have them both in my life. I'm so fortunate to have a dh who's a hard worker and good provider. It enables me to be a SAHM so that I can be a better mom for my ds.

2) Being the family scapegoat. Sure it sucks to bear the brunt of all their abuse and all but it could be worse. I could be the GC and have wound up like NHS, a mini-me N copy of NM.

3) My dh's family. I spent years fighting them because I thought THEY were the abnormal, unhealthy ones. I'm so glad I was finally able to see them for the loving source of support they've become in my life. I'm especially happy and grateful for my MIL and FIL who are such loving GP's to my ds.

4) My dad and SM. They have their own quirks that annoy the heck outta me from time to time but, overall, they are loving and supportive and I wouldn't know what to do without them in my life.

5) My home and relative good health.

6) Above all, I'm thankful to God for blessing me and my life and providing me with all these blessings.

May you all have a happy and healthy (and N free!) holiday season!


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