http://parrishmiller.com/narcissists.html
The first time I came across this online, my mouth hung open in shock as I read it. It was like I'd discovered some secret operating manual on my NM. I think the only exception I came across was that my NM was never physically violent with me. (She let her abusive pig of a husband, my stepjerk, handle that part.) No, NM's abuses were the more insidious emotional, verbal type. I heard it described once as a type of 'soul murder'. I think that description fits perfectly.
About Me
- DisturbedAngel
- I am 38 years old, married to a wonderful, loving man and the proud stay-at-home mama to a beautiful little boy. I grew up with a narcissistic mother and abusive stepfather. My half sister has always been the golden child and I, the family scapegoat who can never seem to measure up. After years of bending over backward to try and have a good relationship with my half sister, I finally severed contact in March of 2009. Then, in January of 2010, I also severed all contact with my narcissistic mother. (Updated to add that as of May 2011, I've also cut ties with my narcissistic father and stepmother as well.) Currently, I am back in contact with my NM in a limited capacity. Walking away from all that toxicity was a LONG time coming but I can't believe how much better I feel because of it. This diary is intended primarily to be a log of my journey toward healing from the abuses I've endured. I hope it will also become a place where others who've been cast as the family scapegoat or who've been the victims of a narcissist's abuse can find comfort in knowing they aren't alone.
I just wanted to say that I'm really happy for you and your newfound strength over these past years. I had a miserable childhood with a NM/semi negligent father (he was always working, she didn't) but somehow, she's mellowed out since my late 20's, I'm now in my early 30's now, but I've chosen to keep my distance from her since our she is still toxic and I'm still working on recovering from constant depression and eating disorders. Now I'm in a relationship with my boyfriend of 3 years, and we've realized he has a narcissistic mother, hes having such a hard time dealing with this new fact, and still denies what she does--actually goes back and forth between everything's fine VS. Depression and frustration. You and I are lucky we've come this far! The interesting part with his mother is that he never noticed these symptoms until after one of his siblings died 4 years ago, then he says she's slowly lost her healthy self. I hope he will one day be able to find peace...at times he says he wants to stop talking to his family but this changes as well at times.
ReplyDeleteI just inadvertently found information about family scapegoating. Like you, my mouth dropped open as I read. The article I accidentally found listed 30 things that happen to the family scapegoat...their ENTIRE LIVES, not just childhood. Every one of those 30 things has happened and was continuing to happen to me. It was as if I had been interviewed for the article. I had attempted no contact with stepfather's wife but she continued to attempt to use and abuse me through others, limited contact with him but had to completely sever contact as the abuse would not stop. Had just realized I had to sever contact with half sister and her adult children too. As a result was Googling narcissists and thankfully found this information.
ReplyDeleteFinding out about skapegoating syndrome (my term which seems to fit) validated severing all family ties. I only wish I had known this way sooner. A long time coming? 66 years! Also a symptom, not realizing what is going on until even into your 60s!
As recently as just before finding out about this I would question myself. Was it my imagination? Was I making a big deal out of nothing? Am I just a difficult person? We scapegoats are trained well!
I hope others will find information about family scapegoating and find some peace in their life and to be able to come to terms with not having a family, and to be able to move on. Many of us have faced this.