Okay, not really, but the NM in this video might as well be my NM. (Part two of the clip can be found here.) They have the same facial expressions, the same tone, the same maddening denial of ANY responsibility whatsoever as well as that same mind-boggling complete and total cluelessness as to just what it is they did wrong. My NM has even used many of the same phrases, such as "I didn't know what to do" and "I never did anything to hurt you on purpose!". I also had to laugh at one point when the eldest daughter was talking about how her NM wore an off-white dress to her wedding. Guess whose NM did the exact same thing? (At the time, while out looking for a dress for NM to wear, she had shown me the dress and asked what I thought. I had suggested a couple other non-white dresses but NM seemed to like the off-white one the most so I, being a good little scapegoat at the time, supported NM in what SHE wanted despite the fact it was MY wedding. I'll have to see if I can find a pic, though I'll have to blur every one's face for privacy reasons...)
I had my dh watch these two clips last night when he got home from work. I told him that I wanted him to watch it and hear his thoughts. Beyond that, I said nothing as I didn't want to color his impression in any way. It was about half way through the second video when dh turned to me, eyes wide and mouth agape and said, "Oh my God! This is SO your NM!!!" LOL
I think the most infuriating thing watching this NM on Dr. Phil was seeing the total and complete lack of comprehension on her part as to just what she'd ever done wrong as a mother. In her own mind, and she even says as much on the show, she wasn't just a good mom, she was a GREAT mom. (Another thing, coincidentally, that my NM said except I believe she used the word "perfect" instead of merely "great". *eyeroll*) It is just crazy-making to me to try and conceive how any mother could NOT know that taking her child's bed away or saying to her, as my NM did to me once, that "having a relationship with you is more trouble than it's worth" is hurtful, cruel, wrong, abusive, sickening, etc. These N's clearly know enough about emotions to recognize their own anger and hurt, so why, then, is it so inconceivable to them that others feel similarly? How is it that another person - in this case, our NM's - see others as nothing more than a wooden chair or kitchen table, cold and without emotion? And if that's the case, that they see us as mere "things" instead of human beings, why do they then take the precaution to put on a nice facade for strangers, bosses, etc.?
*sigh* I suppose that, despite how infuriating it is to try and figure out, it's a good thing that we're unable to fully understand because it means that we aren't narcissists and don't think in crazy, dysfunctional ways.
Moving on, to give a mini update about the situation with my NM, I've decided to just take some time and give it some thought as to how I want to proceed. I think I need to really pay attention to all that I'm feeling and try and figure out exactly what it is I'm looking to get out of maintaining contact with my NM. If my expectations are realistic, then maybe it would be okay to continue limited contact with her. Likewise, if my expectations of what I hope to achieve are unrealistic, then it would be wise to walk away and go back to full NC again. In the meantime, I'm just going to take things as they come. My IM service is currently not working so NM can't contact me that way. As for any emails that may arrive, I'll decide whether to read and answer or not based on how I'm feeling at that moment.
Hope you're all having a great day and enjoy the upcoming weekend! It's forecast to be 100 here today which means, with the heat index or whatever, it'll likely feel like 120 outside. WAY too stinking hot for me! I'll be staying comfortably inside with my A/C!