Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Talked with IL's yesterday....

I spoke with FIL first. I called over there to address an issue with ds. Can't remember if I'd mentioned this previously but ds had said to me the other day that while he liked going over to "nana" and "papa's" house, he wishes nana would come to his house like she used to. DS has a couple little imaginary friends, one of whom sometimes takes the form of his hand, who he calls "Thummy". Well, I had noticed that "Thummy" had been somewhat aggressive lately. Always hitting Jack and doing (pretend) bad things. Nothing terrible, but just out of character for my usually sweet and easy-going little man. So I began a line of questioning yesterday and eventually figured out that "Thummy" (who was speaking on behalf of ds obviously) was upset that nana was spending so much time with the new baby lately and not coming to see ds like she used to. When I asked ds if he felt "Thummy" might feel better if I arranged for her to come see him for a little while without the baby being around, ds enthusiastically said yes, that that would make "Thummy" very happy.

So anyways, I called over there to speak with my IL's about the issue with ds and FIL answered. For the record, I didn't get into anything about them and me or about "Wayne", just told him what ds had said to me and said I felt that it would mean a lot to ds if MIL could come here in the next couple days and spend time alone with him without the new baby around. FIL was kind of cold and snarky, which is unusual for him with me. He generally acts that way when he's pissed about something. He kind of snarked that MIL wasn't over there for the baby. Apparently SIL cannot be left alone until the blood clots in her brain are completely dissolved as there's still a risk of stroke. Well, dh and I did not know that as no one said anything to us and I told FIL as much. He went on to say - still being somewhat snarky and pissy - that MIL probably couldn't make it that day but he'd tell her what I'd said and see if MIL could get away for a couple of hours. I responded that while I get that they've been busy helping BIL and SIL out so much lately, that I'm just trying to do right by my own ds. I felt my ds was hurting and, as his mother, I want to try to alleviate that pain which was the purpose of my call. FIL said again he'd talk to MIL and then hung up.

MIL called a little while later - she'd been with SIL taking SIL to a doctor's check up - and she was especially cold and very "clipped" in her speaking with me. She immediately said, "Tell ds I'll try to get over to see him later today for a couple hours." I said okay and tried to say something more and she repeated the same thing. It was obvious to me she did not want to talk to me. I was able to get something in and MIL responded about the blood clots and that's why she had to be at SIL's side. When I told her what I'd told FIL, that we weren't aware of that, MIL seemed pissed that I didn't know. Whatever. We said our goodbyes and hung up.

After speaking with both of them and them both being rather cold and snarky, I felt more convinced than ever that they believed it all MY fault as to why dh didn't come visit "Wayne" when he was there, etc.

Around 4pm, I think it was, MIL arrived. She wasn't too cold but didn't seem interested in speaking to me so I just stayed out of her way, did my own thing and let ds enjoy his time with her. And, boy, was he ever happy to have his nana here all to himself! LOL Poor little guy didn't know what to do first. They'd start playing a game on his Nintendo DS and then he'd say, "I know! Let's go do this instead!" and he'd grab her hand and off they'd run to the other room to go do something else. Regardless of MIL's mood, it felt good to see ds so happy. Ironically enough, since spending time with his nana yesterday, "Thummy" has been back to perfect behavior.

Dh came home while his mother was still here and whispered to me if I'd said anything to her. I said no and he went back to say hello and hug ds. MIL started to leave about 35 minutes after dh got home and dh pulled her aside and talked to her. He told her that he should have mentioned it sooner, but that the reason he didn't want to come visit with Wayne was because of the creepy vibe he gives off, how we feel he's very inappropriate with children, what BIL told us about making his kids cry for kicks and how dh cannot STAND his passive-aggressive behavior, etc. MIL said she understood completely and by the time she left, she seemed back to her old self with me. I made sure to thank her for taking the time to come and visit with ds as I know she's been really busy helping take care of SIL and the baby. I said that it had obviously made ds very happy to spend time with her that day and, thus, it meant a lot to me that he was happy. She said, "You're welcome." and added that she wishes she had more time to come play with him here.

After MIL left, dh told me that MIL had told him that after Wayne had called here for like the 4th time (when he asked if we wanted him to come over and dh said we weren't up for company), he went directly to his keys and asked if anyone wanted to ride over here with him! MIL said, "NO, we don't. They just told you they're not up for company. If you want to go, you do it alone." According to MIL, Wayne then tried the "But I don't know where they live" line to which he was again told, "Too bad. You want to go after they told you not to come, you do it ALONE."

Dh then called FIL (after MIL left) and told him that the reason we didn't show had NOTHING to do with me and gave his reasons for choosing to stay away. FIL told dh that after dh had told Wayne that we weren't coming, Wayne made the comment to everyone (MIL, FIL, BIL and SIL), "What kind of doghouse does (dh's name) live in over there?" !!!! I've mentioned before that my dh is a very laid back, easy-going guy. He just doesn't really get mad or even upset very often. I don't think I have EVER seen dh as furious at someone as he's gotten at Wayne repeatedly the past few days. Had Wayne actually showed up over there that one night, I fear what dh might have done. Likely it would have come to blows and dh would have kicked Wayne's sorry butt all over our front yard. (Other than a couple minor schoolyard fights growing up, dh has NEVER hit anyone.)

I am SO glad - as is dh (and my IL's) - that Wayne and his kids are back in their home state and far, far away from all of us here. Even hearing his voice over the phone was enough to make my skin crawl the other night. I am SO glad I didn't have to be in close physical proximity to him.

There was one final, and very bothersome, report from MIL with regards to Wayne. Apparently his one young daughter sat in the hallway on a few occasions and repeatedly beat her head against the door as she rocked herself. It doesn't take an expert to know that that is a sign of extreme emotional distress, though I'm sure Wayne would label it tantrum behavior or something like that. Of course that's presuming he even notices it at all. I feel so bad for all his kids and wish so much there was something I could do to help get them away from their sorry excuse for a father. Their mother is still in the picture but is apparently worse than the dad as I understand. Such a sad, sad scenario. I just pray that someone eventually steps in and saves those poor kids.

I just continue to be floored by Wayne's horrid behavior. Refusing to accept no for an answer, being all weird in the way he behaved and spoke to all of us, abusing his children and then laughing when they cried, actually having the gall to think it would be okay to just show up here at our home after dh told him not to, labeling our home a "doghouse" and making me out to be this horrible wench of a wife to dh......He almost makes my malignant NP's look harmless as newborn puppies.

I get the feeling that the previous child abuse charges aren't the last the local police will hear of good ole Wayne.


  1. Glad it's straightened out with the ILs, but that really is so sad about the children. How awful. And how difficult to feel so helpless. Really glad you stuck to your decisions!

  2. It is tough when you can see a problem but not the solution. Glad to hear DH talked to his parents. Awesome of you to put the needs of your son first. That was first rate.