Continuous betrayal makes a relationship with NM impossible...

This was recently posted by one of my sisters on the DoNM board and I found it very profound and asked her if I could share it here with all of you. She said I could so...here it is!

A thought just occured to me...

As DOMNs we have experienced an ongoing pattern of betrayal and this makes it impossible to have a relationshp with an NM. Our trust is continually betrayed and there is no mutuality or shared responsibility or admission of mistakes.

In childhood we needed predictability in the care we received and NMs and FOO proved over and over that they could not be trusted. As children we blamed ourselves to create some sense of safety but it is like living a lie. The emperor was naked, if it sqawks like a duck and walks like a duck then it must be a duck. They are not ugly ducklings waiting to emerge as a swan.

They showed us time and again who they really were/are and we had to deny reality to survive. As adults we have a choice. I no longer want to fool myself that she can be trusted or that it is possible to have a relationship with her or any FOO.

It set the tone for relationships as we emerged into adulthood and shaped our view of ourselves and the world as being unpredictable and unreliable.

Is it any wonder we experience such torment when we lived for years under an oppressive dictatorship?
It's time to free ourselves from the lies and pull back the curtain to reveal the true ugliness of their characters. We must stop covering their crimes and abuse otherwise we continue to condone their treatment of us and others. It has to stop. We have to start reflecting back the truth to them and stop distorting the mirror. We are the only ones harmed by acceptance of such abuse.


She also made a follow up post which reads:

The core wound is really that they taught us to betray ourselves by denying the truth!

Talk about compromising my integrity and quality of my relationships and life!

No wonder I felt so uneasy in the presence of NM and the others who I knew in my heart were untrustworthy but who I believed were important to be in contact with because of a fear of being abandoned.

I think I may have reached the centre of my earth in terms of healing and recovery. I can finally name the core wound that created all the other hurts. I can name it, shame it, allocate it, see the impact of it, be disgusted by it, appreciate the how and why I kept creating similar situations that lead to betrayal and finally set myself free from the long shadow and devastation it has caused in my life. Any remaining guilt or shame resulting from decision to go NC with NM and FOO has melted away as I can stand in power and reclaim my life energy from the depths of evil.

I hope this helps you all as much as it helped me to read it earlier today.

Hugs,

DA xx