Well, SM's really on a tear lately. Found out by way of a message on Facebook from SM's sister to my half sis' wall that my uncle S died a couple days ago.......AND I HAVE YET TO HEAR A WORD. I mean, WTH? I can't say as I'm especially torn up about the loss. I didn't even know I HAD and uncle S - at least not by way of my dad - until a little over a year ago as he was never spoken of when I was growing up. My NM had mentioned him a few times to me, said he'd left home at 16 and no one spoke of him after that. Wish I could have had an opportunity to talk to him as I suspect he'd have had MUCH interesting stuff to tell me about what my dad's home life was like. Then a little over a year ago, while my dad and SM were visiting, they show me this picture and I'm like, "Who's this?" and they go, "Your uncle S!" as if I should know who he is. But while I'm not especially torn up over the loss of someone I didn't even know and never met, it still seems wrong that no one's called or at least emailed me to let me know he died.
Am just very sad over this whole situation. SM has replaced NM and while I could totally walk away from her at this point, I am loathe to turn away from my dad as well. But then, as I was thinking yesterday, the real hurt is in the fact that I had thought I'd had a relationship with my dad but it occurred to me (yesterday) that I never have and never really will. Unless I call him or it's a special occasion like a holiday or my birthday, I never hear from my dad. And it's not like he's all THAT busy. He works in a freaking grocery store, for crying out loud! You mean to tell me he doesn't have a few moments to call and say hi, tell me he loves me and just chat for a bit? No, it's not that he doesn't have time it's that he doesn't care. At least not enough apparently to get off his butt and DO something about it. Never has and never will. So, then, what would I really be losing?
I think I could do it. I think I could walk away but it's still just so sad and hurtful to think that of FOUR parents and slew of other family on my NM's side, NONE of them give a flying fig about me. :(
(On a side note, still no birthday card. Not really expecting one anymore at this point but how much you wanna bet that dh gets a card and money for his bday?)
Kristin xx
About Me
- DisturbedAngel
- I am 38 years old, married to a wonderful, loving man and the proud stay-at-home mama to a beautiful little boy. I grew up with a narcissistic mother and abusive stepfather. My half sister has always been the golden child and I, the family scapegoat who can never seem to measure up. After years of bending over backward to try and have a good relationship with my half sister, I finally severed contact in March of 2009. Then, in January of 2010, I also severed all contact with my narcissistic mother. (Updated to add that as of May 2011, I've also cut ties with my narcissistic father and stepmother as well.) Currently, I am back in contact with my NM in a limited capacity. Walking away from all that toxicity was a LONG time coming but I can't believe how much better I feel because of it. This diary is intended primarily to be a log of my journey toward healing from the abuses I've endured. I hope it will also become a place where others who've been cast as the family scapegoat or who've been the victims of a narcissist's abuse can find comfort in knowing they aren't alone.
Walk away. Your father has ALLOWED your NM and now your SM to abuse you emotionally. Recognize that, as a WILLING enabler, he is part of the package.
ReplyDeleteThis may sound harsh, but I too constantly remind myself that I cannot lose what I never had: loving, supportive and non-judgmental parents.
So you are definitely thinking along the same lines as me when you say, "I had thought I'd had a relationship with my dad but it occurred to me (yesterday) that I never have and never really will."
Ultimately, your struggle to maintain the relationship will do more harm than letting go.
Hugs, mulderfan
I agree mulderfan and I know things will eventually come to that point but, as with NM, it will happen when the time feels right for me. In the meantime, with more than 8 hours drive between us and the fact that he doesn't speak to me unless I contact HIM, it will be pretty easy to maintain major LC. ;o)
ReplyDelete