So I emailed my GM yesterday to let her know that rather than risk mailing the family baptismal gown to her, my dh will probably be dropping it off at NM's house this coming friday. Her response was much kinder than the last one and reads:
"Hi, Sorry to hear you've been sick. I hope you're better now. Your mom is coming here again around the beginning of July so she can bring the gown with her when she comes. I hope the rest of your family is healthy. Love you guys"
What got to me was the part about my NM being up there - Ohio - again "around the beginning of July". My birthday is July 5th and my NM will be out of town.
Now, I realize I should be grateful NM won't be in town because it means I can have a happy, uneventful birthday without having to worry about NM popping over uninvited or otherwise being around to cause trouble. So why is it that the only thing I can seem to think is that NM is rejecting me once again by not even caring to be here for my birthday?
Actually, as I type this, I realize that it's more NM won't remain here, just in case, hoping to be invited. It's just one more reminder of how she couldn't care less about me and never has.
This whole thing, in addition to a post made over at the DoNM board recently, got me thinking - do we ever truly get over or past our DoNM legacies? Will the day ever come when we truly get over it and are able to move on or will our "fleas" always continue to hinder us and nibble at our insides?
My dh is of the opinion that we never truly get over our "fleas" but that we just learn to cope better so that they don't impede our ability to live our daily lives. I'd like to think that he's right but, at least from where I'm sitting right now, it feels like it'll never happen.
What do you all think? Do you think it's possible to ever truly get past our legacies as DoNM's? Or will our "fleas" and other issues always be there just behind the scene?
About Me
- DisturbedAngel
- I am 38 years old, married to a wonderful, loving man and the proud stay-at-home mama to a beautiful little boy. I grew up with a narcissistic mother and abusive stepfather. My half sister has always been the golden child and I, the family scapegoat who can never seem to measure up. After years of bending over backward to try and have a good relationship with my half sister, I finally severed contact in March of 2009. Then, in January of 2010, I also severed all contact with my narcissistic mother. (Updated to add that as of May 2011, I've also cut ties with my narcissistic father and stepmother as well.) Currently, I am back in contact with my NM in a limited capacity. Walking away from all that toxicity was a LONG time coming but I can't believe how much better I feel because of it. This diary is intended primarily to be a log of my journey toward healing from the abuses I've endured. I hope it will also become a place where others who've been cast as the family scapegoat or who've been the victims of a narcissist's abuse can find comfort in knowing they aren't alone.
Well, DA, I'm sixty-four and have been in and out of therapy for the past twenty-five years. So, sad to say, I guess that's your answer. Even when the miserable old bugger's die I figure they'll still haunt me.
ReplyDeleteHi Miss Angel
ReplyDeleteI have to admit I often wonder this also. Lately I have found that rather than really getting past anything, it seems to manifest itself into ever more complicated and convoluted forms. For example my fear of my N parents themselves has diminished, but I still have lots of problems with authority.
I kinda hope I don't get past my legacies, as it may result in me being more likely to treat others as my family have treated me.
Lots of hugs
Paganhorsegirl
paganhorsegirl@blogspot.com