Let's see, at one point she said that I need to "get to the next plateau" where my health is concerned. While she was here, she suggested I get an ELISA food sensitivity test done since a lot of my health issues could be caused by a food sensitivity. After researching it, I do think it could be beneficial to have done. The problem is that the most thorough test - which it just seems to me that if you're going to have it done, you might as well test for it all - is $995 and I don't know if insurance would cover any of it. SM insists it needs to be done and is worth having done. I agree but is SHE going to pay for it if my insurance doesn't cover it? I think not!
SM also said that she was very frustrated on the last day they were here visiting - gee..really? - because I refused to go out to McDonald's with all of them due to my anxiety and she thinks (she should have said KNOWS since that's how everything comes across) that I need to push myself more if I ever want to get past this thing. She said going with them at that time was a perfect opportunity to work on my anxiety and I'd have had "all those people there who love me and could have helped me through any panic attacks" and I wasted it by not going. I told her - AGAIN - that the reason I didn't go had little if anything to do with my anxiety and more to do with the fact that I had that bad pain in my right side that day due to a muscle spasm from my back going out the day before. Unfazed, SM said that was another thing, that I needed to realize that daily aches and pains were NORMAL and I just needed to get used to it. After all, SHE'S lived with it for years and hasn't let it stop HER. (More channeling of NM anyone?) I just calmly explained that I DO push myself and that I realize daily aches and pains are par for the course now that I'm getting older and have two back injuries under my belt, etc. but that, AGAIN, the day they were here was an exception to the norm and one of those times that I needed NOT to "push myself" and to take it a bit easy lest I injure myself further.
Good gravy, I am SO SICK of people talking to me like I'm an effing MORON who doesn't know to come in out of the rain!! I've been living with these back issues for practically half my life, having had my first back injury when I was just 17. (I'll be 34 in a few days.) I think I know by now what's "normal" for me now and what isn't and how to handle it! And if I never hear the phrases "You need to" or "You should" ever again, it will be too soon! Every time I hear someone start to tell me what I "should" do or what I "need to" do, I feel like telling them to shove it up their you know what until they CHOKE on it!
My normal reaction to someone like this would be to go NC and just walk away because, really, what other option is there? When someone is convinced that they are always right and you are always wrong, there's little you can do and zero hope of having a positive relationship with that person as far as I'm concerned. However, since she is still married to my dad and they are a package deal, I need to find another alternative. I've already decided LC is in order which won't be hard seeing as SM and my dad live over 9 hours drive from me but I need to learn how to stand up for myself in those times when I do have to interact with her, mostly over the phone.
*sigh* It can't ever just be EASY for us DoNM's, can it?
About Me
- DisturbedAngel
- I am 38 years old, married to a wonderful, loving man and the proud stay-at-home mama to a beautiful little boy. I grew up with a narcissistic mother and abusive stepfather. My half sister has always been the golden child and I, the family scapegoat who can never seem to measure up. After years of bending over backward to try and have a good relationship with my half sister, I finally severed contact in March of 2009. Then, in January of 2010, I also severed all contact with my narcissistic mother. (Updated to add that as of May 2011, I've also cut ties with my narcissistic father and stepmother as well.) Currently, I am back in contact with my NM in a limited capacity. Walking away from all that toxicity was a LONG time coming but I can't believe how much better I feel because of it. This diary is intended primarily to be a log of my journey toward healing from the abuses I've endured. I hope it will also become a place where others who've been cast as the family scapegoat or who've been the victims of a narcissist's abuse can find comfort in knowing they aren't alone.
Wow, DA, you're a better person than I am! I would have either hung up or told the old b**ch to mind her own business by now. She is not helping you and needs to back off, big time!
ReplyDeleteI think you're on the right track with the LC because you sure need a break from her BS!
For the record, my health insurance did cover the food sensitivity tests but it only cost about $300.
Hugs, mulderfan
Believe me, if there wasn't the risk of losing the relationship with my father over this - and no one's said anything like that, it's just something I've inferred over the years - I'd have said something a lot stronger and been more forceful.
ReplyDeleteIt's just so crazy because, all these years, my SM is the one I've gotten along with the best between her and my dad. Her behavior during their recent visit just came as such a shock. Maybe it's that I've been NC with NM after becoming aware of all that was wrong with her that it's now a lot clearer with my SM, I don't know.
And I should add that I DO care about my SM a great deal. I'm just so sick of everyone trying to fix me all the time. Just love me for ME and let that be enough, ya know?