Today ds started preschool. He was very excited and has been looking forward to today for a couple of weeks now. I woke him up at 8:00am, got him some breakfast and then we both got ready to leave. His nana came to see him off as well (and to let us use her car since we only own one and dh needs it for work). We left the house at 8:45am and arrived at his school ten minutes later. He went straight in, walked right to his classroom and in he went without a care in the world. He was kind enough to humor his nana and I for some goodbye hugs and kisses. Overall, he looked a tiny bit unsure but seemed excited to begin this new adventure.
It struck me, as I watched him today, just how different he is from me when I was his age. I don't remember if I cried or not on my first day of school but I remember feeling very panicky to be separated from my NM. I was nervous, painfully shy and would much rather have been home than at school any ole day. Because I was so inept socially, I did not make friends easily and, unfortunately, was also the target of many a school bully. From kindergarten through my senior year of high school, my school experience was hellish. I HATED school.
Ds on the other hand, seems so sure of himself, so independent. It's bittersweet, of course, because while I'm glad he's independent, it also stings just a little bit that he doesn't need me as much as he used to. He's a bit reserved but, once someone talks to him, he's quite friendly and seems to make friends easily. I think that school for him is going to be a wonderful experience. Years from now, I think he'll look back with fondness on his school days. At least that is my hope for him.
I'm sitting here at home right now trying hard not to cry. LOL I'm happy that my baby is growing up and away from me and yet, it's a bit sad too. He's been my bestest buddy and sidekick for four years now....until today and I must admit, I miss him. I don't know if he's just a good kid or if my feelings for him have more to do with my own past but, truth be told, I ENJOY spending time with my ds. I hear other parents say how much they cherish their time away from their kids - not me. I know it's an essential part of him growing up and so I make sure he gets to go to his nana and papa's on the weekend all day Saturday (and sometimes Sundays too!) and that he goes to school but I still don't like it and miss him terribly when he's away from me.
It's times like these that I wish I had a mother I could call up and share how I'm feeling. I wish I could reveal my sadness at my ds growing up and she would say, "Yes. I remember those days too. Like you, I was also sad and felt like crying a little but, don't worry, it gets a little easier." She'd comfort and reassure me and then would switch the subject so I'd get distracted and not focus on my sadness. Maybe she'd even come over to keep me company so I wouldn't have to sit here alone, counting down the minutes until I can pick my baby up from school.
Days like these, I sure do miss having a mom. :(