Had a thought today as I was getting ready to go out. Motherhood, in a way, is kind of a thankless job. Don't get me wrong, there are a ton of perks and I wouldn't change being a mother for anything in the world. It's the best job I've ever had. But one doesn't generally get much in the way of recognition for all that we mothers do. If you're lucky, your kid(s) will possibly thank you once they are grown and/or have their own kids but, generally speaking, it's not like a job in the outside workplace where one might get a raise or an award or something for their accomplishments.
Given that, it occurred to me that maybe that's a large part of the reason so many NM's are such poor mothers. For most of us, the reward comes with seeing our child(ren) happy. It comes in seeing them succeed and thrive. In watching them develop and become individuals. Basically, all of the things that NM's could care less about and, in fact, seem to go out of their way to squash.
Since NM's are so keen to receive praise and adulation - and since most kids and teenagers are more apt to give complaints than thanks - it could explain in part why they are so resentful of their child(ren).
Just a thought but I found it interesting enough to share!
About Me
- DisturbedAngel
- I am 38 years old, married to a wonderful, loving man and the proud stay-at-home mama to a beautiful little boy. I grew up with a narcissistic mother and abusive stepfather. My half sister has always been the golden child and I, the family scapegoat who can never seem to measure up. After years of bending over backward to try and have a good relationship with my half sister, I finally severed contact in March of 2009. Then, in January of 2010, I also severed all contact with my narcissistic mother. (Updated to add that as of May 2011, I've also cut ties with my narcissistic father and stepmother as well.) Currently, I am back in contact with my NM in a limited capacity. Walking away from all that toxicity was a LONG time coming but I can't believe how much better I feel because of it. This diary is intended primarily to be a log of my journey toward healing from the abuses I've endured. I hope it will also become a place where others who've been cast as the family scapegoat or who've been the victims of a narcissist's abuse can find comfort in knowing they aren't alone.
Great observation! I agree. My NM has never shared in my joy for anything. She could care less about me and my life. She is a un-mother. She lives in her own little hamster ball. Being NC with me is probably the happiest she has been. Unless she is telling someone about it, then she will play the victim/martyr well and get her fill of sympathy. Yuck.
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